You’ll never guess who wrote me! I’m so excited. It’s been ages since I read an e-mail from my good friend, “Julie B.”, at HomeMade Simple.com. Usually, I delete hers and the 442 other daily spam messages I receive as soon as they arrive…but I was weak… lonely for adult female company now that school's out and I don't see the Bus Stop Mommies at the corner twice a day. Plus I needed an excuse to avoid the children (“Mommy’s working, go away!”)
“Dear Karen,Small messes? Where does this woman live? What, exactly, constitutes a “small mess” in her house — an over flowed bathtub that only leaks through one story of the house instead of all the way down to the basement? A box of sugar bombs cereal imploded all over the living room without milk having been added? And she means for me to clean between vacuuming? Ho ho ho, snarf, snort, cajole.Summer is here! Get outside and get your home ready for warm weather, outdoor parties, and landscaping. This month's issue features helpful recipes for a surprising cookout, ideas to add more color to your porch, tips to make your lawn gorgeous, ways to share some relaxing time with your family and more!
Julie B.P.S. Be among the first to try the Swiffer® CarpetFlick! This is the first Swiffer designed to pick up small messes quickly and easily off of carpets between vacuuming. Purchase this innovative product at the Home Made Simple E-Store.”
I clicked on the site, eager to be enlightened to all the domestic tips and bliss I’m obviously missing.
“Clean in half the time — no joke! Speed Cleaning 101 by Laura Dellutri will teach you how to get your house sparkling clean in no time with all the techniques the pros use. She’ll let you in on her secrets to getting in the cleaning mood, making a cleaning kit, and even getting your spouse and children motivated to help you.”
You’re kidding, right? I should pay money to learn these things? Listen Julie and Laura, I have two teenagers, two dogs, and a revolving front door of neighborhood kids. The fact that I purchase and prepare their next meal is all the “motivation” they need to obey my every command. Make a cleaning kit? I have one — an old toothbrush, enough Socks Without Partners to provide rags to every household in America and spit.
“Escape to Paradise in the Comfort of Your Own Home! Treat yourself to food and beverages that not only taste good, but also make you feel good. Open the window and listen to the simple sounds of nature.”
Nice ideas, but I don’t think I can function until dinner if I start drinking Chardonnay with my toast; and Julie, it’s 98 degrees and humid! Oh, forget her. I’m going to go find a normal woman who knows what she's talking about.
“Hey kids, lock the door behind me. I’m going to find some Bus Stop Mommies!”
[Karen Rinehart is a syndicated newspaper columnist, public speaker, and creator of The Bus Stop Mommies™. Her book, Invisible Underwear, Bus Stop Mommies and Other Things True To Life, is a popular read in book clubs, school pick-up lines, and soccer fields. She enjoys hearing from readers across the States and as far away as Australia, Japan, and England. You can read more at www.busstopmommies.com. Karen lives in North Carolina with her two kids, two dogs, and one husband, where they attend St. James Catholic Church. (Well, they leave the dogs at home.)]
