Young children learn early to make judgments, many of them based upon superficial information. They learn to set up artificial boundaries and to harbor critical and condemning attitudes. By adulthood, we are very good at it indeed. Often, when we make such a judgment, we hold someone up against ourselves. And if we determine that we are somehow better, we are consoled. But we are not joyful. In setting up the barrier that comes with the judgment we have closed ourselves as a channel of unconditional love. We do not become better by belittling someone else or finding fault or casting blame, we merely have the fleeting illusion that we are better. Eventually, it is not better we become, but bitter.
Sometimes it’s a very simple thing. We make a judgment based on an appearance and discount somebody because we don’t like or approve of what we see. Even children do this. I watched a five-year-old girl size up another little girl in church the other day. She looked her up and down and whispered, “Mommy, I like that little girl.” I think it could have easily gone the other way.
Often it is much more complex and the condemnation runs very deep indeed. Greg Anderson writes, “Loving without condition precludes us from ever blaming again. Blaming serves no purpose. It robs us of the power to change. It has no place in our lives. To blame another is to blame ourselves. Accountability, yes. Blame, no.”
Blame focuses upon the negative. It blinds us to the good that is present in our neighbors and in ourselves. Often, it is the people who blame most often who are hardest on themselves. When we practice loving acceptance of others, we learn to love ourselves. We begin to believe that God really can and does love us unconditionally. And we open our souls to joy.
Mother Teresa writes, “We too often focus only on the negative aspect of life. If we were more willing to see the good and the beautiful things that surround us, we would be able to transform our families. From there, we would change our next-door neighbors and then others who live in our neighborhood or city. We would be able to bring peace and love to our world which hungers so much for these things.”
Instead of blaming and condemning, joyful Christians have learned to forgive. This is a crucial lesson. “If we really want to love, we must learn to forgive before anything else,” comments Mother Teresa. And she continues, “”Christians need to learn to forgive. How do we learn to forgive? By knowing that we too need to be forgiven.” The cycle of love is such that we ask for forgiveness of our own sins, we embrace the Father who forgives us, we forgive others and we embrace joy.
It’s that simple — and that difficult. Begin today. Stop yourself before you begin to judge or to criticize. Practice acceptance, even if there is no approval. Forgive an insult, a debt, a long-harbored grudge. No, forgive two: one that you hold against yourself and one that you hold against someone else. Really and truly let them go. Let God in where the grudges were. Welcome joy.
(This article courtesy of the Arlington Catholic Herald.)
