Is What We Do Ever Enough?

by Colleen Miner

St. Teresa of Avila wrote: “In comparison with one drop of blood the Lord shed for us, everything we do is disgusting.”

Sometimes I feel like no matter how hard I try, no matter how much I do, it's never enough. It can't measure up to what I owe Him. I can never repay Him for what He has done for me &#0151 for everyone. This pressure &#0151 this push to please &#0151 comes from within. No one has put this demand on me. It's just there.

I do realize that our Lord loves unconditionally &#0151 no strings attached. And that no sin, no matter how grave, cannot be forgiven. Yet it seems my strivings are not adequate or sufficient &#0151 it's never enough.

Others have felt the same. I see this when reading the writings of many saints. Saints passed judgment on themselves for seemingly little things such as their mind wandering during daily mass or distractions during prayer &#0151 things which seem to be completely normal.

I've always been an achiever/pleaser, placing God number one on my list of critics. As a child, mom and dad were right up there on the list of people to please. But now it's less “pleasing” and more “providing.”

Each day I wonder: Have I been a good mom? Did I provide the right balance of love and discipline? Did I truly listen when friends shared? Have I done the best I can? Have I prayed enough? Did I remember all those I promised to pray for? Did I make good decisions? Did my speech echo my Christian belief? Did I provide the most nutritious meals for my children? Did I give my husband enough attention? Did I do enough?

Then I remember St. Therese of Lisieux's “little way:” “Our Lord does not look so much at the greatness of our actions, nor even at their difficulty, but at the love with which we do them.” And the teaching of Mother Teresa of Calcutta: “Do little things with great love.”

So, I continue life, day to day, remembering the words of those who have gone before and knowing that whatever I do, while I may feel it is never enough to repay the Lord for all He has done for me, it is all He asks. To give my best and to “let all that you do be done in love” (1 Cor16:14).

(Colleen Miner, wife and mother of three daughters, lives in Saranac Lake, NY. She is a reporter/photographer for the Diocese of Ogdensburg. You can email her at cbm510@adelphia.net.)