Three years after Imposter Mom made her debut at my son's high school orientation, she returned for my daughter's introductory evening to her next four years of life. One brief year later, as if she doesn't have enough laundry, sewing, ironing or doggie poop scooping to keep her busy, she showed up at high school graduation. For my son. It had to be Imposter Mom, because I'm not old enough to have a child graduating from high school.
Besides, I'm too busy to deal with this graduation thing. I'm embroiled, along with Lisa at Dr. Harrison's office, on a pediatric medical records search so dangerous and epic; it would make Indiana Jones weep in his whip. Medical records required to attend University orientation next month. But if I'm not old enough to have a son graduating from high school, then I'm certainly not old enough to have one attending college.
Then there's this slew of out-of-town company — relatives and friends — who for some reason all decided to visit at the same time. And, just as school was letting out! With three week's notice I've taken on three years worth of home decorating and cleaning projects. Three generations of Dust Bunnies had to be evicted from my bedroom alone. And draperies. I had to sew draperies for my office window, as it would be doubling as a guest room for Auntie Alice, who's never been to our house and therefore everything must be beyond perfect prior to her arrival. Sure, I can sit in my office and not care who sees in, but Auntie Alice might not appreciate unwittingly being the star of some PG-13 show when the bachelor next door pulls into his driveway. Wait, did I just say "draperies"? And MY aunt is flying to stay at MY house? I am not old enough for that.
Well the day of this supposed high school graduation arrived and you know what Impostor Mom did? She donned a respectable dress — not a cute, trendy strapless number all the young ladies are wearing these days. Well, she would have, but her daughter snagged the strapless, white eyelet Shelli Segal she bought for the occasion, cut off the tags and wore it herself. Then, she, (Impostor Mom, not the daughter) put a hankie in her respectable clutch purse. That's right. A hankie. Embroidered by her grandmother over 50 years ago. I am not old enough to own, let alone know how to use an embroidered hankie.
So not only does Impostor Mom take the hankie out of her clutch during the initial playing of "Pomp and Circumstance," she uses it! And why would she use it? Because she got all weepy! I am not old enough to get all weepy at the sound of "Pomp and Circumstance." Worse; while dabbing eyes with said hankie, Impostor Mom stood at the rope in the back of the arena and yelled hello to all of her son's friends. How embarrassing. No matter how joyful the moment; I would never do that. I am not old enough for that.
Impostor Mom occasionally shows up on www.karenrinehart.net.
