One of the most interesting ways to predict the future is to try to figure out what your grandchildren will laugh at when you tell them how you grew up. Yes, this could also be depressing, but it's probably better to anticipate the giggles than be surprised by them. If you're going to get old, you may as well get wise, right?
Anyway, many of the things we find acceptable today will probably seem very weird in the future. For example:
YOU: And when I was your age, we watched television.
GRANDKID: Television? Wasn't that like small, flat pictures?
YOU: Well, not always small but…
GRANDKID: That is just so two-dimensional! You couldn't walk around the characters, or walk through the scene could you? Not like with today's holographies, right?
YOU: No, we just sat and watched …
GRANDKID: Wild! And could you interact, like make them talk to you or change the plot?
YOU: Er, no we couldn't change them …
GRANDKID: So you like, had to watch what you were given? You didn't move around and you didn't have to think about how to solve the mystery or fix the hero's problem?
YOU: Um, no we…
GRANDKID: Jeeze! You guys must have all been fat and brain dead at my age!
YOU: We were not! My generation was the most… okay, yeah, we were.
Another thing our heirs will find weird is: the 21st century high-heeled shoe.
This is because the high heel is no longer a modest one-inch pump with a dash of colour, worn mostly for special occasions. Today's heels are three-inch stilettos with pointed toes and ribbon-thin straps, no padding, and are meant for daily office wear. If we have extreme sports and extreme programming, then these are extreme shoes.
Not that women appear to have noticed. Consider the modern corporate worker:
JANE: Teehee. Did you see this article in Cosmo about women in the 1950s? They were expected to do housework all day, look after the kids and then be all fresh and pretty for when husband came home to look after his needs.
SARAH: Ugh. I'm glad we don't have to do that anymore.
JANE: Look at this ad! New Manilla Blahyuks! Three and a half inch heels, pointed toes with square finish, braided copper wire straps and rhinestone soles!
SARAH: Must have! How much?
JANE: Just $600! And I have a performance review on Friday and need to impress the boss!
SARAH: He does have a weak spot for classy office wear… let's go shopping!
Some people complain of tired feet by saying, “my dogs are barkin'.” Your feet support more than 100,000 pounds of pressure for every mile walked. After a day in high heels, your dogs aren't barking so much as they're crawling in on their belly, whimpering for emergency kibble treatment.
So, not surprisingly, these shoes are ruining women's feet, producing sexy side effects like claw toes, corns, bunions and blisters. Are today's empowered, liberated women letting this trend continue? No! Are they demanding shoe manufacturers produce stylish but safe shoes? Of course not!They are going to plastic surgeons to — I swear — have their toes chopped off so their shoes fit better.
Indeed, the procedure to shorten feet is so popular it costs $2500 (USD) per toe. Personally, any procedure involving a total of $25,000 and my feet had either better involve putting toes back on after a bad accident or installing tiny rockets so I can get the grocery shopping done faster.
Eventually, I hope that the current generation finds this kind of fashion slavery and surgical procedure as weird as their grandkids will. But, knowing humans, I suspect this will take a long time and…
… a lot of sole-searching.
To read more of Chandra's work, visit www.ChandraKClarke.com.
