Dear Kathy (greatest editor and boss in the galaxy),
I can not write a column today. I know it's Deadline Day and I have until 5 o'clock to get 500 words to you, but I just can't write a column today.
First, I have nothing to write about. No, really. My kids have been behaving lately. It's kind of weird. I mean, Christmas isn't for another 10 months.
My son and his girlfriend are still a cute couple so I can't write about any drama filled break-up or my first experience in comforting a love sick, lonely son. Now, my daughter did break up with her boyfriend — on New Year's Eve no less. At least they got through Christmas so all that shopping and money spent on gifts for each other wasn't wasted. But I can't write about that or my daughter will suffer a thousand mortally embarrassing moments.
I have so much laundry to do. But who wants to hear about that? The Laundry Fairy changed our pick up and delivery dates from Mondays and Saturdays to Tuesdays and Thursdays. I think those are the correct dates. Hang on, let me walk across the house to reread the notice he taped to the last batch of heavily starched NASCAR Images shirts.
Yep, it is Tuesday and Thursday. Great, now I have to remember to put out the Laundry Fairy's Magic Pickup Bag and turn in a column on Tuesdays. Then Wednesday will arrive and I'll be twitching all day thinking I forgot to do something important — like putting the Laundry Fairy's Magic Pickup Bag out on the door hook. It's like my biannual twitching streaks when school starts and ends and I have to adjust to a whole new regimented schedule or lack thereof.
I probably won't be able to write columns on those days either. I get too twitchy and jumpy and can't concentrate. Speaking of concentrating, it's a very hard thing to do when the neighbors' dogs are outside barking nonstop. There's no way I can write a column with that eternal yapping. My adorable doggies would never yap like that.
They just pee on the carpet (Nugget) and run away (Hank). Although to hear Hank tell it, he did not run away. No, he told us when a kind neighbor brought him home yesterday (Thanks again Cindy) he assumed we wanted him to go for a run. After all, he's heard us say he needs more exercise and if we weren't going to put on our tennies and take him, he'd take himself. Further, we neglected to put on his Invisible Fence Shocker Collar the last time we let him out so to him, that was his green light to roam.
Nugget doesn't need her Shocker Collar anymore, although we still put it on her — she thrives on routine. And writing this column should be a routine for me but it isn't. Not today. I just don't have anything to write about.
Thanks for understanding,
Karen
