When I told my wife that I wanted to write a book about men honoring their wives, she laughed.
To be fair, it wasn’t a scornful laugh. It was more of a “Dude, you haven’t always done the greatest job in that area yourself” laugh of wry amusement. I didn’t quite catch if there was an eyeroll to go along with it.
Of course, she’s right. I haven’t always been the best husband. I became aware of the need to do a better job of honoring my wife early in our marriage, with an incident that was a jarring eye-opener for me.
An Eye-Opening Experience
Kathi and I were at the Christmas party for my CPA firm. We had been married for a little over a year and managed to score a babysitter for our infant son. Date nights were rare back then, with extended family living hours away and us living on an excruciatingly tight budget.
This was my first professional job out of college, and I was a bundle of nerves. As a member of the newest class of staff accountants, I was intent on creating a positive impression. Many of my colleagues were from more prestigious universities than mine, had multiple offers from large CPA firms upon graduation, and seemed super smart in a vaguely intimidating way.
That night, I hoped to impress my colleagues and, even more so, the all-important higher-ups in the firm who held my fledgling career in their hands. I had a family to provide for and was struggling to adjust to the rigors of public accounting. My angst was palpable.
What transpired that night is a bit of a blur. Attempting to be witty, I told a couple of jokes in a small group setting at my wife’s expense. I still remember the hurt look on Kathi’s face. Immediately, I had a sinking feeling that I had screwed up.
Tim, a senior manager in the firm, yanked my arm–hard. His pull on my arm didn’t have the feel of being an optional request. Taking me aside he said, “Hey, I don’t know what you think you’re doing, but you need to stop it now. Do you hear yourself? You’re being a complete jerk, and talking about your wife that way lacks class. It’s embarrassing! Don’t you call yourself a Christian?”
In an instant, it was as if I was an onlooker to the scene, absorbing the group’s emotions. A colleague and his wife glanced awkwardly at the floor in distressed silence. Tim’s piercing glare was indignant and fiery. Kathi stood in bewildered, pained sadness. Regret and shame suddenly welled up within me. How could I have been so stupid?
I had wounded my precious wife by allowing my foolish pride to get the best of me. My immaturity was on full display to my colleagues. Tim was not just an important higher-up in the firm but also a guy I deeply respected, and I had provoked him into delivering a scalding rebuke. Humiliated and red-faced, I stumbled through an apology and glanced at Kathi. The hurt in her eyes only intensified my regret. The love of my life didn’t deserve to be treated like that.
A Valuable Lesson
The entire event left a mark on me, and to this day remembering that evening makes me shudder. Yet I learned a valuable lesson that night: I need to honor my wife better.
In the years since that fateful night, I’ve devoted myself to doing exactly that. Let me state up front that I haven’t always been successful. I’ve made plenty of mistakes, and there have been many peaks and valleys along the way. But through the journey, I have gotten better (independently verified by Kathi), and the effort has been incredibly worth it!
You see, I’m crazy about my wife. Crazy! She is an absolutely amazing, incredible woman. We’ve been married for over 35 years, and my attraction to her is every bit as intense as when we first met. My love for her has grown, strengthened, and deepened. We have eight children, now adults, and a burgeoning gaggle of nine grandchildren. We have experienced profound struggles and triumphant joys, tear-inducing heartbreaks and quiet contentment.
It has been a truly epic love story.
I’ll bet you’ve got an epic love story of your own. I’m also willing to bet you’ve made a few mistakes along the way too, but I am confident that you want to be a good spouse.
I know firsthand that for men, we’re living in a culture that isn’t always supportive of us honoring our wives. When was the last time you were part of a group of guys speaking positively about their wives? In the office? The gym? Or worse, the locker room? Do you see men speaking positively about their wives on television or hear it on your favorite podcast? Not so much. Unfortunately, many husbands today have become mired in our culture’s downfalls. Challenges abound, including porn, infidelity, rampant divorce, loneliness, and distraction. Some days, the headwinds can feel more like a hurricane.
I’m a regular guy who has made more than his share of mistakes along the way. Yet by God’s grace, I’m also a better husband since that fateful night over 30 years ago when a grave mistake became the impetus for change.
Even with our imperfect efforts, I’m convinced that a ripple effect goes well beyond our own marriages. We’ll impact other souls, including those we co-create. I’m a true believer that small changes—along with grace—can yield big results. Our Faith provides the antidote to the challenges we face. By honoring our spouses, we can help them truly flourish while also finding joy and fulfillment ourselves.
The Challenge
I want to challenge and encourage you to do one intentional, specific thing today to be a better spouse. Even our smallest efforts can yield great results! Sacramental grace is present in your marriage, and in mine. We’ve all made mistakes along the way, yet those very mistakes can help us to become better spouses. If I can do it, so can you!
Author’s Note: The above article is excerpted from Kevin’s new book, Honor Thy Wife: A 31-Day Journey of Marital Renewal (Catholic Treehouse, 2025). Kevin and his wife Kathi have been married since 1989. They live in Columbus, Ohio, and have eight adult children and nine grandchildren (so far). A convert to the Catholic Faith, Kevin has served both secular and Catholic organizations as an executive or board member. His website is gratefulconvert.com.
