“Someday I may be lonely for the little eyes that now seek me out despite my best efforts,” wrote a mom of nine in Tampa, Florida. A few grandmas echoed the same sentiment, quickly followed by, “Oh, but I remember hiding from my kids when I was your age.”
With two weeks left until school starts and in desperate need of new hiding places from the kids, I called my mother.
When all I got from her was hysterical laughter, I hung up and wrote to some Bus Stop Mommies.
Note: Names were deleted to protect the innocent and their hiding places.
After she tried the yard, playhouse, back porch, swimming pool, garage, car, toilet, closet and behind the bedroom door, A.K. discovered her best hiding place is right out in the open. “I put an upside down heart shaped pillow over my head and they leave me alone. I find it scares them enough to see mom looking so funny and I can manage a quick moment of peace that way. I'm sure it's a sight and they know it'd better be fire or blood to disturb me from that position.”
J.W. wrote, “I know how you feel! The last bath I took was in 1992 (I do continue to shower, however, so don't get grossed out!). Anyway, the only other place I could think of to hide was in THEIR closet! You know how we're always trying to get them to clean them out. My kids are now 14 and 16, and telling them they're going to clean out their closets is like telling them they're being put up for adoption (however, they'd go if they didn't have to clean). Tell them you're going to clean it out and they can help you. They'll never come near their room again.”
Several other moms mentioned closets, bathtubs and shower curtains, water optional. “When the kids got old enough, I promised if they entered without permission, I'd hang out with them and their friends in whatever I was wearing in the bathroom.”
L.B. does what my mother always threatened to do, change her name. “I'm a mom of four kids and the way I survive is to change my name — I only answer to 'Fred'! I also keep Cheerios on the bottom shelf of the pantry so that if anyone was 'starving' they could help themselves. I have to take an afternoon 'happy-nap,' or they'd be 'very unhappy'! When they're 'bored', I suggest they go tidy their dresser drawers.”
I heard from smart dads who leave mom home alone in the quiet. From Colorado, “I go to the Children's Museum. There's only one way out and I park on the bench by that door.”
My phone rang. A voice at the other end whispered, “Try the crawl space under the house,” and hung up.
Mom?
Karen Rinehart is a magazine humor columnist, public speaker and the creator of The Bus Stop Mommies, a newspaper. She is also author of Invisible Underwear, Bus Stop Mommies and Other Things True To Life. You can read more of her work at karenrinehart.net. Karen lives in Concord, North Carolina with her two kids, one husband and goofball dog, where they attend St. James Catholic Church. (Well, they leave the dog at home.) She enjoys hearing from readers across the States and as far away as Australia, Japan and England.
