Did you hear the one about Forrest Gump and St. Peter? St. Peter told Forrest he'd have to answer 3 questions before he could come into heaven:
1. How many days begin with T?
2. How many seconds in a year?
3. What is God's first name?
After quite a spell to think, St. Peter asked “Do you have the answers Forrest?” Forrest replied:
“St. Peter, ur excellency, 2 days begin with T”
St. Peter said, “that's correct Forrest, Tuesday and Thursday.”
“NO NO NO” shouted Forrest, “TODAY AND TOMORROW!!”
St. Peter looked at Forrest, chuckled a little to himself, then said “And the 2nd question?”
Forrest said, proudly “I've been a thinkin' here ur honor and there are exactly 12 seconds in a year!”
“How do you figure that,” St. Peter wanted to know. “My calculations indicate that there are exactly…”
Cutting St. Peter off, Forrest said “Jan. 2nd, Feb.2nd, March2nd,April 2nd, etcetera etcetera…”
“OK!” St. Peter exclaimed, shaking his head a little, “Can’t argue with that.”
Frustrated, but patiently, St. Peter said, “Okay then wise guy, what’s God's first name?”
“Oh that’s the easiest one St. Peter, ur excellent honor, sir” Forrest replied, “Andy is God's first name.”
Astonished, St. Peter looked sharply at Forrest and said “What in heaven’s name would prompt you to say that God’s first name is Andy, Forrest?”
Forrest just smiled and answered “growing-up, we used to sing about God every Sunday, haven’t you heard the Church hymn — 'Andy walks with me, Andy talks with me'——.?”
“Okay Okay” St. Peter said. By now he had a little twinkle in his eye and said “Forrest, you've answered all of the questions, but I can't resist: the Pearly Gates will be open for only a few seconds”
Forrest, puzzled by this, looked at St. Peter with a long, strange gaze, unable to move.
“Well?” St. Peter quipped.
“What?” He answered.
“The Pearly Gates are gonna close, RUN FORREST, RUN!”
