After the nasty-gram I received this morning, I wanted to name this column, "Feedback From Fools." But when I stopped crying, blew my nose and told the dogs it was safe to come out from under the coffee table, I realized in all the years I've been writing this column, the feedback from actual, certified fools has been quite minimal. I've always maintained people such as these, who obviously have enough spare time and energy to read a newspaper, send an email or hand write a letter full of insults, could be using their time and energy for far more productive and worthwhile endeavors. Like feeding the hungry or perfecting the fine art of scraping tartar off my dog's teeth.
I've been called a bad mom, whiner, Jerry Falwell Bedfellow and a few slanderous zings only my lawyer keeps on file. Letters run the gamut of delusional, distasteful, ignorant, judgmental and hateful. Even though these make up about 0.000000009 % of the thousands of letters I've received, they still affect me. You see, following the Official Code of Columnist Ethics (it's real) instated by the National Society of Newspaper Columnists (also real), I'm obligated to answer every letter readers write (to me).
It's easier to respond to the readers who "get it" (I'm a fallible humor writer/wife/mom) than those who don't (I'm not a reporter, politician or felon). Typically a privilege, answering a letter can sometimes be embarrassing when it's gotten buried in the deep dark caverns of my inbox and I have to begin with, "I'm SO sorry for taking 18 months to respond to your kind letter…."
Here's a guy who "got it:"
"Dear Karen,
After 25 years of experience, I got a laugh out of your 'No Boys Allowed/Girls Only Condo' article. I'm enjoying a boys-only weekend at your local speedway; it's been great! No complaints from anyone that the toilet seat was left up or the bed never got made. There are a few questions I haven't heard all weekend; like,
'Hey guys, do these pants make my butt look bigger?'
'Who put the toilet paper roll on backwards?'
'Which shoes look better, this one or this one?'
You might have a problem with the all girls' sorority spot. Like, who would take out the trash? I'd ask who was capable of opening another bottle of wine, but I think you already figured that one out….
Guess its time for us guys to get back to our roots and talk about some important stuff, like if we can recall which suit we wore to last year's office party and what a fashion faux pas it'd be to wear the same thing twice. Thanks for the laughs. Boys Rule!"
Here's a guy who didn't "get it:" "Please buy the condo and you can quit bitching about your life as mommies."
How do I respond to him? Write me with your ideas and I promise to get back to you in less than 18 months!
