You’d think there’d be at least one brain surgeon among the group. One self-made billionaire, bank president, or vineyard owner ready to dole out an endless supply of Chardonnay to their family members. But no, our genetic pool is awash with teachers, preachers, and writers. Not that there’s anything wrong with these vocations, mind you, it’s just that they don’t pay beans and there aren’t too many perks. Even my Brother the Father won’t hear my confession over email. He makes me suck it up and go to my local parish.
Among my writing relatives is my cousin, an editor at a major newspaper out west. Sara wrote to me fishing for Lifestyle feature article ideas. After five straight rainy days inside with my children, she shouldn’t have asked me.
• Don’t just watch it on Discovery Channel! Discover noninvasive plastic surgery for yourself! Smooth those lines, lift that chin and zap those zits without a single scalpel! Columnist Karen Rinehart needed an excuse to escape now that school’s out for summer, so she signed her face up for a little laser work. Stay tuned!As soon as I invent it. Then I won’t have to worry about getting my Chardonnay for free.• Like a drive through car wash, only better! Self-tanning spray booths now share tanning salon space with traditional, cancer causing tanning beds. But is it enough to get teens out of bed? Also, self-tanning sprays are lining drug store shelves — Readers test and compare!
• Bus Stop Mommies craze rocks the nation! Are you a Bus Stop Mommy? Take the quiz and find out!
• Gee, that’s swell! Bermuda shorts and layered shirts — are today's teens rediscovering modesty? A mere six months ago, frazzled parents couldn't buy their teenage daughter a pair of shorts longer than their pinky. Suddenly, Annette and Frankie are all over the mall! What's next, hula hoop contests?
• It's not your father's long hair! Preteen and teenage boys are sporting long locks, including little flippy ends, curly dos, and fros. Dads are freaking out. Moms are hauling out the 1979 year book, “See this son? That's your father. Show him this picture next time he asks when you're getting a haircut.”
• Retro clothes are back and they're still flammable! Clayton Daniel, 16, of Perpetually Preppy Upper Arlington, Ohio, says, “Chicks dig my '70s attire. The uglier the better!” Big plastic sunglasses and Chuck Taylors included.
• The new Food Pyramid — it’s been the topic of comics for weeks, but is it really a laughing matter? Suddenly butter is “Low Carb”! Low fat is out; Zero Trans Fats is in. And just exactly how do you calculate the glycemic index of a potato? And should we care? With all the diet hype, what's a gal to believe?
• Robotic lawnmowers, vacuum cleaners, power scrub brushes, and no rinse, spray-on window and car washes — what’s next? Automated Diaper Changers! In the Life section soon!
Karen Rinehart is a syndicated newspaper columnist, public speaker, and creator of The Bus Stop Mommies™. Her book, Invisible Underwear, Bus Stop Mommies and Other Things True To Life, is a popular read in book clubs, school pick up lines, and soccer fields. She enjoys hearing from readers across the States and as far away as Australia, Japan, and England. You can read more at www.busstopmommies.com. Karen lives in North Carolina with her two kids, two dogs, and one husband, where they attend St. James Catholic Church. (Well, they leave the dogs at home.)
