Inter-Faithless Marriages
Melissa Seckora: What was your reaction to the latest daycare study, the one that found that kids who are not raised by their mothers are basically argumentative attention seekers with explosive behavior?
Dr. Laura Schlessinger: In my book, Stupid Things Parents to do to Mess Up Their Kids, I had already dealt with that. And I already dealt with that in a better way than they dealt with it. Because subjective reporting about how a child behaves is interesting. But to me the best resource is from day-care workers. I have thousands of letters from day-care workers, most of whom wouldn't dream of having their kids in daycare, and from public-school teachers who tell me they can tell from across the room on the first day who's been in day care and who hasn't.
Seckora: Then why do day-care providers do what they do?
Dr. Laura: It's a way to earn a living. It's easy. You want to make some extra money, work in a day-care center. You don't have to have criteria, education, much to speak of. It's an easy way. They call me because they feel hypocritical. On the one hand, they don't believe it's right for these kids to be institutionalized. After all, we're not rescuing children who are in dire straits. We are taking care of parents who are indulging themselves, who don't wish to take on the responsibility — the God-given responsibility — to raise their children.
Seckora: Should women with children work?
Dr. Laura: I am a working mother. But I am not at the defense of working mothers who sacrifice their children in order to have a career. I'm usually miscast, stupidly, as being against working women, when I am one. Parents with children should take care of their children. Period. You work around your kids. My kid leaves for school and then I work. I finish my work when he comes home. He doesn't even know I'm working. The point is that I never sacrificed [my son] Deryk for my career. So I am living proof that you can have great success and not sacrifice your marriage or your child.
Seckora: You were raised by a Catholic mother and by a Jewish father but you were also raised without religion. You are now an observant Jew, and a happily married wife and mother. Can inter-religious marriages work? Will children raised with two religions ultimately live their adult lives without religion?
Dr. Laura: I call them inter-faithless marriages. Because if either one of them really was profoundly involved in their faith they would want to marry somebody who shared it. The children are then put in the position of … choosing between mommy and daddy? Or realizing that you can paint matzo for Passover? Inter-faithlessness is very sad for the kids. That was my problem. Children who are raised with two religions statistically have none when they grow up. There is no cohesiveness, no individual passion. As I've talked to people on the air, I've said, “Okay, you're Catholic and you want to marry a Jew. So what are you going to do? Every alternate day Christ is divine? How do you do this? How do you say that Christ died for your sins, but tomorrow that's not relevant? How confusing and upsetting is all of that?” So this is mostly people who are very young, who don't appreciate the meaning of the family embracing a religion together. It's cohesiveness. It's a combined focus. All of those things make you stronger.
Seckora: Do people need faith in order to live moral lives?
Dr. Laura: Yes. If you don't have the absolute connection as to what defines right and wrong, you make it up as you go along. Those are the only two choices. I decide this is good or bad, or God decided it. What other choices are there?
Family Values as Counterculture
Seckora: Do you think you have been successful in spreading your message?
Dr. Laura: Oh, yes. Listen to my radio show. [You'll hear things like …] “Everyday I'm my kid's mom.” “I just quit my job and I'm staying at home.” “I stopped drinking because of you.” “I didn't have an abortion; I put a child up for adoption.” This is everyday. See, I know it's making contact because I get reams of faxes and letters every day and they tell me that they've changed. They're not shacking up; they got married. Everyday I'm inundated.
Seckora: Why do you think your message has caused a certain amount of controversy? What does it portend for the future of Judeo-Christian values when someone who speaks about morality is cast aside by various groups?
Dr. Laura: When I did my book tour, I was introduced by a female television morning talk-show host as a staunch believer in family values, [who] said, “This is very controversial.” And I started cracking up. I had to calm down to do the interview. Because I was thinking I'm alive at a time where you just say “family values” and people say that's controversial. But truthfully, it is counterculture at this point in a culture that has skewed very far to do what you please. There are no values other than “do what you please,” and individual rights to “do what you please.” And so when I say that that's not in the best interest of families or children or women, or anything, there is some resistance to that. But throughout whatever you would call “controversy,” my audience has increased by fifteen percent. So there is a hunger for my approach, which is just to restore thousands of years of good sense.
Seckora: Were you surprised that your television show was canceled?
Dr. Laura: No. It was dead before it went on the air because they scared away my sponsors. So I didn't have any sponsors to start, which meant that the local stations couldn't make any money; which meant they dumped me in the middle of the night; which meant I had no time to get ratings. I don't even know if I failed. I wasn't even given a chance to collapse. I knew from day one it was over.
Seckora: Since the cancellation of your television show, has your message, or the way you deliver it, changed in any way?
Dr. Laura: No. Of course not. I did my best because I figured for the year that I had I was going to produce a product I could be proud of that could be helpful to people and I believe I did that. I am very proud of the product. I would never do taped television again. I can't say that I'm affectionate about it. I like the immediacy of radio. If I ever would venture into TV again, right now I have no particular emotion about it; it would be live or it wouldn't be at all because I like dealing with the moment.
Seckora: Have you experienced any “backseat” treatment of your radio show?
Dr. Laura: No. No. Not at all. I'm very established in radio.
Dr. Laura Schlessinger Foundation
Seckora: What specific role does the Dr. Laura Schlessinger Foundation, which benefits abused and neglected children, have in fighting the culture war? And how is it helping children who are caught in the crossfire?
Dr. Laura: About 100,000 children a year are rescued out of abuse and neglect and they end up in foster care, or in crisis centers and shelters. And it came to my attention that while I've always know this is happening, they basically had nothing. They would often have nothing in their homes. … So I came up with the “My Stuff Bag” concept, I put together the foundation, and have a billboard campaign that has already started all across the country, where we have marvelous billboards that promote adoption. I'm very big on adoption. I just don't like killing innocent babies. This year we are hoping to help about 30,000 of those 100,000 children. It's one thing to go out and buy stuff for a kid. But I wanted the kids to really feel like people cared about them. So blankets are hand-made; there are blanket brigades all over the country. We have Girl Scout troops, people in retirement homes, and women in prisons making jewelry. It's made very clear that when these bags are given to the children that people who cared about them in particular provided these things. We have some corporate input, like McDonald's, but largely we have people. Dentists giving us toothbrushes and toothpaste. You'd be surprised how many kids never owned their own toothbrush.
Seckora: What's next?
Dr. Laura: I have a series of children's books — the latest one is Growing Up is Hard. They're all dialogues between parents and children. I'm helping parents re-learn how to relate to their kids in a charming, kind of fun, way. I'm working like crazy on the foundation because I'm determined that 100,000 kids that are rescued each year are going to get my stuffed bags, or [else] I want to know why. Hopefully in a year or two we will have accomplished all of that. And, I don't know. Things pop up all the time. I bought a new bicycle.
Seckora: Have you had any political aspirations? Have you been asked to run for office?
Dr. Laura: I've been asked but I have no interest because I'm totally unsuited. I don't negotiate. I don't compromise. I don't know how to play any of those political kinds of games. I could only be elected the Red Queen. You know, you didn't vote for my bill, off with your head. I could do that well.
(This article is reprinted with permission from National Review Online.)
