I’m a child of divorce. What’s always bugged me about modern-day thinking on this subject is that it isn’t really thinking. Thinking has become a euphemism for rationalizing.
Let me tell you what I mean.
I was twelve and babysitting on the night I got the phone call from my mom. She said that my dad was coming home from a business trip to his native Venezuela and that she thought that they would be getting a divorce. Truthfully, I didn't believe it, but I indulged her. The next morning, however, as I rolled from one side of bed to another and opened my eyes to a clock that read 8:03 and saw my parents sitting next to me, I knew. From my mom's horrible expression, I knew, and by her red, swollen eyes, I knew.
I felt as if the rug had been pulled out from under me. I cried the whole day.
All of sudden, the dad who had been the softball coach, swim team coach, and algebra tutor, had “rearranged his priorities” — and they were no longer us.
During this “transition” as pop-psychologists might call it, I remember so many major things happening quickly. I turned 13 years old, my maternal grandfather had a stroke a week later, he died 22 days later, he was buried 6 days later, and the divorce was final the very next day. Then, ten days later, on rainy, cold St. Valentine's Day, my dad walked away.
It is for these very reasons I loved Pope John Paul II so much.
Pope John Paul II didn't try to redefine my situation and tell me that the actions of my dad — and other parents of the “Modern Civilization” who walked away — were OK. I believe the death of his own mother when he was 8 years old gave him the understanding to reach out to the young people of the world who had or who would experience parental loss. By his reaching out, we knew we were not alone, we knew we had worth in spite of a world that invalidated our pain in its haste to rationalize parental selfishness.
Sadly, however, it is only now in his death that I realize how much I truly did love John Paul II. I wish I had appreciated him more when he was living. I sent him an email a few weeks before he died letting him know that our family was praying for him and that we loved him. In conversations with groups of Catholics who didn't believe the pope was the head of the Catholic Church, I defended him. When we had t-shirts made for our homeschooling group, I suggested that we have “We love John Paul II!” printed on the sleeve. We did. In my own home, since the passing of our beloved pontiff, we renamed our homeschool, “Pope John Paul II Academy.”
In his passing, I feel acutely a sense of having lost my real dad. Interestingly, the day after the Holy Father died, I specifically asked him in prayer for the conversion of my father and stepmother. A couple of nights later, I had a dream about my my stepmother — whom I have never met — and my dad. In my dream, my dad told me he was reading two encyclicals written by John Paul II and my stepmother apologized for engaging in the affair that subsequently caused the break-up of my family. To me, this means that John Paul II is already at work mending the pain of sin and working on the everlasting choices souls have regarding eternity.
Some children of divorce have told me that you never really get over the abandonment of a parent. Here I sit, at 37 years old, and I would agree — despite the forgiveness I have extended to my father and the apology he has already given. The reason the devil attacks the family is to destroy any resemblance of the Chair of Peter in the domestic Church. If the youth lose respect for authority, they won't follow the teachings and there will be more brokenness and pain in the world.
John Paul II knew this and responded. And for that, my life, the lives of my husband, our beautiful children and the world will be forever indebted and grateful.
John Paul II, we love you! Thank you, and rest in peace.
© Copyright 2005 Catholic Exchange
Maria Peceli lives in northern California and is a homeschooling mother of four. She loves to sing, write, paint and be completely silly with her family and friends. On a serious note though, she and her husband married exactly 15 years to the day her parents were divorced, in an effort to redeem that date.
