I was ministering to a young woman recently who confirmed something for me that I’d been hearing about in different circles. She said young women are having a hard time in young adult groups because they are filled predominately with young men who want to argue religion and politics incessantly. Fueled by social media and the desire to one-up others, this constant debating is starting to turn women away from these groups. This is important to acknowledge and confront because we are starting to lose more and more young women from the pews.
Young women are becoming more difficult to minister to. This is fueled by a variety of factors such as feminist ideology, secularism, and the rise in occult practices among young women. This young woman I was talking to told me that she constantly sees witchcraft, how-to videos on spell casting, tarot readings, etc. all over her social media feeds. This has been an issue that multiple people in the Catholic world have been trying to draw attention to, but in the area of deliverance ministry, the Church is woefully under-ministering in age when the need is becoming greater and greater.
While young men engage in constant online battles about theology and politics, women are turning away from the Faith towards other practices that promise them power and their own religion. These young women don’t want to engage in constant theological battles and often will leave young adult groups because of this overemphasis.
Theological debates and discussions are a good thing, but they cannot be the sole option for forming community. The danger is for faith to remain a primarily intellectual affair that fails to root deeply within the heart and soul. These debates in a digital age are often fueled by pride and anger—not by a desire to lead souls to Christ. I know because back in my early days of social media, I often did the exact same thing. This burns more bridges than it builds, which is one of the many reasons why we now find ourselves in a polarized and atomized society filled with lonely young people.
In speaking with this young person, she hit on an issue that I have observed for many years. It is much easier to engage in endless debates (monologues) on theological issues than it is to enter the sufferings and wrestling in people’s lives. It isn’t particularly courageous to one-up someone on social media. It takes tremendous courage to go into the dark places where so many people are living right now.
Going into those places also requires something we struggle to give in our much-too-fast-paced age: time. True accompaniment, as opposed to the cheap counterfeit, requires time. To truly reach souls we must be willing to give of ourselves and our time. There are no quick fixes to the evils and troubles of our age. Sin is messy. It is difficult to lead people out of deeply entrenched patterns of habitual sin. It is hard to free people from the lies they have been told.
Young people have grown up without having a lot of people they can trust in their lives. The family is breaking apart in our culture. Many young people come from divorced families or families where the parents never married. This has created a tremendous amount of instability, insecurity, and distrust. Multiple young people I’ve ministered to over the years didn’t know that people like my husband and me existed. They had never known gentle love and patience in their failings before. Many of them have suffered horrible abuse and grown up in environments where nothing is given freely—there is always a catch.
Our theological debates can’t begin to enter the agonies of these young people. It may be helpful to some theologically inclined young people, which I’ve also witnessed, but even with them it is the time and dedicated love that has propelled them forward on the path to deeper union with Christ. One of them is sitting in my living room tutoring my daughter in Spanish as I write. He knows that he can come to me with anything, and I will do my best to help. He knows that I genuinely love him as a spiritual son.
What these young people in our pews and around our towns need is for us to put our social media away, to shut off our phones, and to start talking to them. They need us to see them. The young person who stumbles into our church, sitting alone in the pew, needs us to reach out. To enter a relationship with him or her that leads to a place of encounter and healing in Christ.
Young men who are running young adult groups should look around and see if all their endless debates have alienated the women in the group, or if others have left because of the direction its taken. Community is not only about sharing ideas; it is about sharing our lives, which includes the crosses and sufferings we carry. I have written endlessly about how we do not minister to the suffering enough as a Church. We keep the suffering at arm’s length, or sadly, ignore it.
Ultimately, we are all desiring to be known and loved. We want to be loved through our sufferings and difficulties. To save souls we have to go into that brokenness for long periods of time. While there are countless good initial evangelization initiatives in the Church today, I’m always left wondering what we are going to do in the long run to help people continue on the path when first fervor ends. First fervor fades quickly, especially when the inevitable sufferings of this life happen, or when we discover we are much weaker than we thought regarding certain sins.
This is when many people falter or fall away. The theological debates between the guys at the young adult group won’t do much for the young woman who is recovering from a sexual assault or an abusive childhood. This is very common. It doesn’t help young people who are trying to overcome an addiction to pornography, anxiety, depression, death of a loved one, chronic illness, the rising costs of everything, anxiety about AI, sexual questions, etc.
As I wrote last week, it is Christ’s love that heals us. Young people need to know that they are loved by those of us who follow Christ, which allows them to know they are loved by Christ in a deeper way. Theological debating is often a way to avoid vulnerability and the raw realities of sin and evil in this life. It has a place, but not the primary place in the spiritual life. Young men need to be taught that it is prayer, not endless theological debate, that will lead them closer to Christ.
Those of us who are older can help young people build healthier relationships and communities through our love and support. We need to start inviting young people into our lives and homes. Both young men and women need the guidance of Christians who are at different stage of the spiritual journey.
We are the Mystical Body of Christ. We are called by Christ to live in deep communion. That communion cannot be fulfilled through constant digital battles. It can only be lived fully by in-person relationships grounded in the love of Christ. We can help them navigate the deeper waters of union with Christ. We can reveal to them the healing love of Christ so they can go out to build deeper relationships with other young people.
Photo by Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦 on Unsplash
