Burning Questions

  There are three letters that form one little word that has been, until recently, plaguing me.  It has been popping up at the most annoying times, coming out of my three-year-old’s mouth with an insistence that is rivaled only by her “need” for chocolate.  I tell her to pick something up, and here it comes.  I explain that we’re going to Mass, and, BAM, there it is.  Anything I say – whether it is a statement or a question — is fair game.The word?

WHY?

There is always a question mark behind it.  There is also an urgency to it, as though it cannot wait.

So what is it about this word that has been driving me over the edge in the last few weeks?

At first, I thought it was just the persistence.  But yesterday, when she piped up with “Why?” after a discussion in the car about how it was so hot, we would go to the store and buy a slip-n-slide and some squirt guns, I realized something.

For her, “Why?” is shorthand for any number of things.  Sometimes, it means “How does that work?” and other times, it’s her way of asking “When will that happen?”  There are times, like when she asked me why my legs were itchy as she sat on my lap the other day, when she’s really looking for the answer to a “Why?” question.

So my job, as in so many other things in her life, is to teach her what questions to ask so that she gets the answer she’s actually asking, not, as I was thinking late last week, to refrain from strangling her when “Why?” punctuates every conversation.

I ask “Why?” a fair bit myself.  “Why do I have to have such a difficult day?” I’ll yell up to God.  “Why can’t you give me a break?”  “Why is there all this suffering?”  “Why can’t I believe more easily, be better at this, convince others of the truth?”

Thankfully, God is used to “Why?”  I wonder if he expects it, if he savors it, if he wishes we would ask more and assume less.

Sometimes I think I know the answer to “Why?”, only to find out that, in fact, I was mistaken.  The damage is done.  Many times, it’s because I didn’t step back to trust God.

This week, I’m going to work harder on the things that make me ask “Why?” and focus more on trusting God before I ask “Why?”  I’m by nature an information-seeker and “Why?” is a firmly-rooted part of my lexicon, but this week, I’m going to pause before the word comes out of my mouth and say a little prayer — maybe a Hail Mary or an Our Father.  And when my young companion brings up “Why?”, I’m going to thank God for the reminder that I need to turn to him first with my trust.

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When Sarah Reinhard set off in her life as a grown-up, she had no idea it would involve horses, writing, and sparkly dress shoes. In her work as a Catholic wife, mom, writer, parish employee, and catechist, she’s learned a lot of lessons and had a lot of laughs. She’s online at snoringscholar.com and is the author of a number of books

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