“Police Station, Captain Smith.”
“Hi Captain. I need to file a Missing Persons Report.”
“All right, please describe the missing person, when they were last seen.”
“Well, she’s stands about 24 inches tall… waist size 2 inches, quite busty… dressed in long flowing gold velvet gown, black lace mantilla over her head and she carries a sepulchre with a blue plastic monkey on the end. She was last seen on Dorothy’s porch, shortly before dawn, April 8, 2006.”
“Madam, are you aware of the penalties associated with filing a false police report?”
“Captain, Sir, this is not false! There are at least four women in my neighborhood who missed birthdays this year because the Bus Stop Mommies Birthday Goddess never appeared on their porch!”
“The Bus Stop Mommies what? wait a minute. Aren’t you those crazy women who hang out on neighborhood street corners, grocery store aisles, wine rooms and the Y? Haven’t we answered a few noise ordinance calls over some of your wild Bunco parties? And now you want me to spend precious police force man hours and tax payers’ money looking for WHAT? A missing doll? Can’t you just get a new one to carry on your little domestic, predawn charades?”
“Captain, with all due respect, she is not a doll. And no, we can’t simply get another one. What are the odds the neighbors with bizarre taste in home furnishings will move out again and leave her in the trash for us to rescue? And do you know how many hip surgeries she’s had? The jewelry, body art and bangles with which we have adorned her? You just don’t replace investments like that! And her powers who knows what suburban havoc could be reeked if she falls into the wrong hands!”
“Oh for the love of sanity Mrs. Rinehart. I’ll humor you. Have you asked around and tried to find her before calling me? And if so, what’d you learn?”
“Oh yes, and I categorized my findings according to each Mommy’s birthday and action she took with the goddess:
December 17, 2005, Rachael delivered to Karen
December 21, 2005, Karen delivered to Desi
December 23, 2005, Desiree delivered to Deneen
February 14, 2006 late night, Deneen delivered to Vicki
February 17, Vicki delivered to Melanie
February 18, Melanie passed her on to Chris
March 21, Chris passed her on to Debbie
March 30, Karen saw goddess in Debbie’s foyer
April 8, Debbie delivered to Dorothy who said she gave it to Helen
May 7, Helen said she never got the goddess. The next day, she needed all new windows on her house.
May 14, Donna said she never got the goddess. Her roof leaked and ruined their new wood floors.
August 5, Mindy refuses to age until the goddess reappears She just bought a convertible!
And since September 9, Kelly’s been crying herself to sleep without the goddess. In the guest room.
“Look, Mrs. Rinehart, you and this Bus Stop Mommies phooey has got to stop”
“But, Captain, your wife is next on the list.”
“I’ll file the report immediately!”
Karen Rinehart is a syndicated newspaper columnist, public speaker, and creator of The Bus Stop Mommies™. Her book, Invisible Underwear, Bus Stop Mommies and Other Things True To Life, is a popular read in book clubs, school pick up lines, and soccer fields. She enjoys hearing from readers across the States and as far away as Australia, Japan, and England. You can read more at BusStopMommies.com. Karen lives in North Carolina with her two kids, two dogs, and one husband, where they attend St. James Catholic Church. (Well, they leave the dogs at home.)