Colleen abandoned a successful career working for a major television network to become a stay-at-home mother. She and her husband now live on a small farm in North Texas (complete with dairy goats and chickens) where she homeschools their four young children.
(This article is reprinted with permission from Canticle Magazine, the Voice of Today's Catholic Woman.)
Pope John Paul II teaches us that at the dawn of creation both men and women were given the ability to reason, emote, love, communicate, produce, and nurture. Our first parents were to live out all of these qualities to the fullest. However, based on how God created their bodies, Adam and Eve each had a different style of applying these qualities— a different emphasis.
Take nurturing for example. Because of our female body, we nurse our young children. Even though men have nipples (I can’t wait to ask God about that one), they don’t lactate. But men still nurture children in a way that is unique to their masculinity — unique to their bodies.
After the Fall, masculine and feminine emphases gradually became seemingly different languages. But God intended our masculinity and femininity to complement each other, not compete against each other. He gives us sufficient grace through the Sacrament of Matrimony to transcend these differences so that we can speak the language of mutual love and service.
Even though our culture attempts to neutralize our bodies and eliminate our mutual dependence, we can fight back with grace and regain our femininity. One way our marriage allows us to get this grace and renew our marriage covenant is by engaging in the unitive and procreative act of self-giving.
On a practical level, how can I work with that grace to regain my femininity and allow my husband to recapture his masculinity?
As I thought about this, I realized I first had to find out what “femininity” really meant. As a recovering feminist, former tomboy, and victim of our culture, I was a bit confused about what authentic femininity is. So a friend pointed me to Proverbs 31 and Titus 2. I obviously need more grace. These woman were not only the wife, mother, and heart of the home, but they made Martha Stewart look lazy and incompetent.
Now I knew my goal, but how could I define it? More specifically, what could I do with my body that my husband couldn’t do (or do as well) with his? That, I believe, characterizes my God-given femininity.
Women can be soft, tender, gentle, and delicate. So I’ve been walking more gracefully, modulating my voice, using my hands gently, and laughing more delicately. I’ve tried to pay attention to adorning myself in a more feminine manner by replacing my pants with dresses. I even wear an apron while working in the kitchen. Basically, this reformed feminist is trying to cultivate the gentleness of our Blessed Mother — and I’m loving the new me!
But there’s an added bonus. My new feminine manner is fiercely attractive to my husband. It is the perfect complement to his masculine strength and firmness. Isn’t that what God intended? And as I have enhanced my femininity, my husband has responded by becoming more masculine, yet at the same time more tender and loving with me.
How else have I helped my husband to regain his masculinity? That’s easy. I’ve allowed him to be the protector, provider, and head of the household.
And of course I let him lift all the heavy things.
