[Editor's Note: This is the first in a five-part series on being a man of love.]
“Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven.” (Matthew 5:44-45)
“The love of God has been poured out into our hearts by the Holy Spirit that has been given to us.” (Romans 5:5)
“And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. (1 Corinthians 13:13)
“Whatever is done out of love, be it ever so little and contemptible in the sight of the world, it becomes wholly fruitful. For God weighs more the love out of which a man works, than the work which he does.” (The Imitation of Christ)
The boy rushed home from school in great excitement. “Dad,” he announced, “I got straight A’s on my report card!” But his father’s only response was a harsh grunt and a comment about how his classes must have been too easy if he was able to get all A’s. The boy grew up to be a successful businessman, yet thirty years later, he still remembers the sting of his father’s words. Why would a father act this way? Could it be he equates love with achievement, and for some reason, he feels his son has fallen short of his expectations?
If insensitive and unloving words can have such a negative impact, consider the impact God’s words of love can have on us. Think of the impact that the Father’s words to Jesus at His baptism must have had on Him. “You are my beloved son; with You I am well-pleased” (Mk 1:11). Think of the impact these words spoken to us by our heavenly Father could have on us. Yet, these are the words the Father wants to speak to each of us as we open ourselves to Him.
A father arrives home to find his house on fire, with his three small children trapped inside. Neighbors tell him there's no hope of rescuing them. But he rushes into the house anyway, searching from room to room, pulling out one, two, then all three children. Why would anyone act so recklessly? The answer is quite simple: Love does such things; love protects; love seeks out; love perseveres. Love risks rejection and even personal harm for the good of the beloved.
The Worldly View of Love
The word “love” can often conjure up the romantic notions of the “Romeo and Juliet” sort. This kind of love is perpetually passionate, dreamily selfless, and unwaveringly happy. It sets hearts fluttering and gives lovers the courage to do the unthinkable. That’s all very poetic, but it doesn’t always fit with the realities of our day-to-day life as men. In contrast, Jesus defines love by talking about decisions more than emotions, by commanding His followers to choose to be generous, selfless, and merciful (Lk 6:27-38). Trying to live just one day in the cheerfulness of the idealistic love described above would be rather exhausting and may not empower us to lay down our lives for others or forgive and embrace our enemies, which is the height of godly love (Mt 5:44-45).
The Two Greatest Commandments
When Jesus was asked what the greatest commandments were, we all know His answer. “The first is this: ‘Hear, O Israel! The Lord our God is Lord alone! You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these” (Mk 12:29-31).
Why is love the central element of these commandments? Why did Jesus say they were the two greatest commandments? In the context of these commandments, don’t they seem passive to us as action-oriented and task-oriented men? Why do we need commandments on love? Don’t we instinctively know what love is? Wouldn’t we know when and how to love God and others without needing a special command?
Unfortunately, we all know that we don’t always love as we should. Our human nature, created flawless by God, has fallen into sin and weakness. As a consequence, we tend more toward self-love than toward other-love. However, in spite of our fallen nature, Jesus wants us to love God above all else and our neighbors as ourselves. By setting these goals before us as commandments, He emphasized how central they are to His Gospel. But they are not intended simply to be some theoretical set of commands. They are intended to be the standard by which our lives will be judged.
The Source of Our Power to Love
It has often been said that in order to love others, we first need to receive love ourselves. What is true on a human level is also true at a divine level. Why is this so? Because each one of us was created with an enormous capacity and need to receive love — especially God’s love. As we open ourselves more to receive and experience God’s love, we will receive a greater ability to love Him with all our hearts in return and to love others as well. Jesus knows that as we grow closer to Him and His Father, we will accept the call to love as our own natural way of life, through the power of the Holy Spirit that we have received (Rom 5:5).
God loves us completely, unconditionally, and passionately. His love has the power to change everything in our lives. It can melt the hardest heart, drive away every fear, remove every worry, and heal every wound.
Called to be a Man of Love
Love is not just an emotion, but an act of the will as well. It’s a decision we must make time after time, whether we “feel” like it or not. The good news is that as we make the decision to love as Jesus has loved us, we will become more like Him. His love will flow out of us more naturally, and we will become a new creation in him (1 Cor 5:17).
The greatest gift we possess is Jesus Christ, the love of God made man, and the greatest freedom we have is to share that love with others. Every time we open our hearts to Jesus and His love for us, we can become forces of unity and reconciliation. We can bless our enemies, show kindness when we are otherwise busy, share our goods with the needy, and do so much more. In the end, it is more important that we are known by God than that we know many things. And Scripture promises, “If one loves God, one is known by Him” (1 Cor 8:3). We can never outmatch God, who became one of us and died for us simply because He loves us. Each of us in our own way is called to be a man of love, reflecting God’s love to those around us. We can proclaim God’s love to our children and teach them His ways. We can speak of God’s love to our neighbors, especially in their times of need, and then demonstrate it by our actions. We can remind coworkers that God cares for them and that He has a plan for their lives.
People all around us are hungry to hear words that comfort and encourage, or to have someone reach out a helping hand out of love. Look for opportunities to share a Scripture verse or offer a word of compassion and understanding. Let God’s love fill you — and then give it to others.
“Lord Jesus, Your love surpasses all else. May Your selfless love inspire us to be generous receivers so that we can become generous givers of Your love. Fill my heart with compassion and mercy so that I may love my neighbor as You have loved me.”
(This article is part of NFCM's sponsorship of the Catholic Man channel and originally appeared as part of the Catholic Men’s E-zine, Being a Man of Love (May-June 2003 issue), which is available on the NFCM website. You may email them at info@nrccm.org. Many thanks to The Word Among Us for allowing us to include some material from various daily meditations.)
Questions for Discussion on page 2
Questions for Reflection/Discussion by Catholic Men
1. In the first story at the beginning of the article, harsh words said by a father still hurt, even after thirty years. Share an instance when you went through a similar experience in your life. How did it impact you? If you haven’t done so already, now is the time to forgive that person (and if a family member, tell him or her you love him or her).
2. Why is it important to understand that love is not just an emotion, but also a decision? What is the basis of your love for others? Is it based on the overwhelming love God has poured out on you and on God’s great promises? Or is it based on your current circumstances? If you are like most men, it is probably a mixture of both. What steps can you take to strengthen your ability to love so it impacts how you live and how you relate to others?
3. Why are the two greatest commandments — to love God and to love others — so hard to keep on our own, that is, apart from the power of the God?
4. Where does our power come from to love as God has called us to love? What are some of the promises of God in Scriptures of God that form the basis for your love for Him? How often do you reflect on them? What steps can you take to make these scriptural promises a greater reality in your life?
5. Share your thoughts about any family members that you have a hard time loving. Are there any for whom it has been quite some time since you have told them you love them? If so, discuss how you can overcome any obstacles in the way of expressing your love to them.
