As for the Dog Naming

My friend Alma, who swore up and down her kids weren't ready for a dog, rescued a little black fur ball off the highway. Henceforth, Midnight Destiny came to join the ranks of other Bus Stop Pets. At the risk of Midnight growing up to be a showgirl, I always add something like Immaculetta or Bernadette after “Destiny” when addressing her.

This reminds me of my brother Jimmy and his family's new dog. Huey, their faithful Golden Retriever, who'd seen them through their newlywed days and new-parent haze, took his final nap last Easter. Before the last jellybean was devoured, the campaign for a new dog began.

Their kids begged, whimpered, cried and groveled, but my brother and sister-in-law swore up and down they weren't getting another dog for quite some time. Certainly not before they fenced the yard — which would have to wait since they needed a new roof and gutters on the house which had to fit in somewhere between the badly needed new carpet and kitchen flooring.

They got the carpet, dog, but no fence. I'm so proud of my nieces and nephew for their persuasive whimpering. Looks like I did something right during their stays at my house.

It seems nothing my brother's family does is dull or ordinary. Naming their new mutt was no exception. He e-mailed me the saga:

As for the dog naming…Janet [his wife] informed me that this is the “kids' dog.” She, being delusional, believes that they'll assume full responsibility for feeding, grooming, potty training, discouraging embarrassing doggie habits, etc. This theory exited stage right this evening when the aforementioned canine relieved himself on the new dining room carpet and Janet sprung into action to remove the offending poopsicle.

Back to this being the kids' dog. They were given the responsibility of naming the dog. To prevent bloodshed, I was the Elections Official. Each child was sent to a separate room and asked to write down their five favorite dog names. I placed the names on a ballot (containing only 13 names as there was some duplication due to earlier lobbying) and asked the children to select their three favorites from the list.

The choices: Mickey, Lucky, Fido, Rover, Moby, Buddy, Buster, Shadow, Chico, Lefty, Fat Tony, Homer, and Spanky. The voting resulted in a five-way tie between Mickey, Buddy, Fat Tony, Homer, and Spanky. The five names were placed on a final ballot, and Mickey won in a tightly contested contest. The Florida results are still pending.

As I stared at the screen and thought, “Good thing those kids weren't responsible for naming a child,” another e-mail appeared, this time from a dear friend. “It's official! I'm 8 weeks pregnant. The kids are already drafting lists of possible names, including Bullwinkle, Boris, or Rocky if it's a boy, and Natasha if it's a girl”

See what I mean?

Karen Rinehart is a magazine humor columnist, public speaker and the creator of The Bus Stop Mommies, a newspaper. She is also author of Invisible Underwear, Bus Stop Mommies and Other Things True To Life. You can read more of her work at karenrinehart.net. Karen lives in Concord, North Carolina with her two kids, one husband and goofball dog, where they attend St. James Catholic Church. (Well, they leave the dog at home.) She enjoys hearing from readers across the States and as far away as Australia, Japan and England.