It should have been the beginning of a romantic trip west for two. Translated: He works all day. She lounges at 5 Star Hotel pool all day. They eat out every night on someone else's tab. Someone else makes her bed, scrubs her toilet and buys the toilet paper. But it was a recipe for divorce…or at least temporary estrangement. Take one over worked husband. Add a stressed housewife who just that day woke up with her Aunt Ida's flabby triceps. Then add On-line Flight Check In.
"Thanks for using our online chat service. You have been connected to Alma G.
Alma G: Hello, Ms. Rinehart. Welcome to US Airways online customer support. May I have the confirmation code or ticket number, please?
Me: CD8W3Y
Alma G: I see your husband booked these seats. His is 21C.
Me: What's mine, please?
Alma G: Yours is 31E. Your husband has a cushy aisle seat with skinny, young blondes next to him, in the front of the plane where flight attendants serve first while they and the coffee are fresh. You are in the last row, nonreclining, middle seat, with fat people sitting on either side of you, where you are served last when the flight attendants have lost all patience and they're out of SnackPaks, coffee and gin.
Alma G: I do not see anything else together.
Me: Is there anything in business or first class? My husband has Preferred Status.
Alma G: Unfortunately, at this time I do not see availability for upgrades.
Me: Not even exit row? I'm in a middle seat in the back of the plane for 4 ½ hours, I'll be antsy — I'm too claustrophobic for that. I don't have Valium. I never would have booked that seat. I don't understand.
Alma G: I can give you both 26D and 26E on the exit row with extra leg room and friendly flight attendants. As long as you have not checked in yet.
Me: Okay!
Alma G: I can see Scott is already checked in. I cannot change his.
Me: He checked into his cushy seat knowing I'm crammed in the last row?? I have not checked in yet–may I have 26 D? Please?
Alma G: Sure. All set.
Me: God bless you! THANK YOU SO MUCH!
Alma G: You're welcome. Is there anything else I can help you with today?
Me: Yes, find me a new husband!
Alma G: Sorry, ma'am, I'm not allowed.
Me: Then we're done.
Alma G: Great. Your chat session has now ended. You may now close this window. You may now enjoy your vacation. Thank you for contacting US Airways. Good-bye."
Soccer Moms are so 20th Century. We're Bus Stop Mommies now! www.KarenRinehart.net.
