Meanwhile, Holy Cross and Valparaiso University are sticking with their old Crusader labels, but team names deemed “militaristic” or “violent” are generally under pressure. Delicate souls at Notre Dame decry the designation Fighting Irish, and Marquette has already switched from Warriors to Golden Eagles. The University of Hawaii, which went from Rainbow Warriors to just plain Warriors because some watchdogs connected “Rainbow” with homosexual activism, will still have to face the other side’s hostility to Warriors.
Protests against American Indian names have received the greatest publicity and forced the most changes. Some Native Americans maintain that using Indian terminology for sports mascots slanders them and belittles their culture. Never mind that this doesn’t seem to be the case with other groups such as Trojans, Spartans, Irish, or us Indiana Hoosiers. You name your team after something you admire, not something you despise. But discrimination rules now say that if people feel offended, they have been offended.
Mere perception was enough to oust the Redman name at St. John’s University, even though their symbol was simply a man in red with no Indian associations whatsoever. Miami University of Ohio stopped calling its team Indians over the objections of real, live Miamis who considered the usage an honor to their tribe.
Stanford blazed this trail by trading its Indians designation for the safely non-human, inanimate, and asexual color name The Cardinal. But the controversy continues at other schools including San Diego State where tender-hearted latterday Aztecs wanted their name off the team, until a 10-1 student body vote just last week turned back their shrill advance. The University of Illinois seems poised to do away with its Indian pep mascot Chief Illiniwek. In that event, it would be awkward to keep calling its teams the Illini after a local tribe utterly destroyed by fellow Indians.
Campaigns for political correctness reach down into high school sports — complete with a federal investigation of one school in North Carolina for possible “intimidation” of minority students through the use of Indian terms. But the loudest controversies have involved professional sports franchises. Protesters know they’ll get the maximum publicity by following the money.
But the owners of pro teams are a tougher lot than university presidents. Ted Turner, who otherwise finds it so easy to be Green, just shrugs off criticism of his Atlanta Braves’ Indian nickname. (Remember the 1991 World Series when sensitive journalists bravely refused to say “Braves”?) Noisy campaigns against the NFL’s Chiefs and Redskins have likewise been ignored by owners and fans alike.
Yet, in the long run, Indian groups are likely to prevail, in courts of law if not public opinion. Where will the forces of political correctness attack after that? Permit us to make some outrageous predictions.
After Indian references are purged, the next target will be animal nicknames. As the animal rights movement gains power, who’ll dare cheer for a team whose moniker belittles our equals in the animal kingdom? Banishing specism will fall hardest on pro football. Farewell Bears, Lions, Dolphins, Falcons, all the furred, finned, and feathered crews. Cowboys and Packers would be anathema.
But why stop there? “Freedom from religion” is a new rallying cry for those who fear the wall between Church and State is crumbling. The Saints, Padres, and Angels would have to be barred lest games in public places seem to endorse religion. The Cardinals would offend on two counts, exploiting songbirds while subliminally advertising Catholicism. Then to make a show of “fairness,” occult-sounding nicknames such as Devils and Magic would have to be scrutinized.
Environmental concerns would doom teams whose names imply exploitation of the ecosystem. The Jets, Steelers, Chargers, Pistons and SuperSonics would follow the Oilers and Whalers into oblivion. Notice that impersonal, unpluralizable names taken from natural phenomena such as Heat, Storm, and Avalanche are already trendy.
Then, to expiate the sins of Columbus, teams that seem to endorse imperialism would have to go, eliminating names such as Rangers, Trailblazers, 49ers and Explorers. Likewise, seafaring marauders such as Pirates, Buccaneers, Raiders and Vikings would have no place in sports, not to mention the Kings and Cavaliers, whose greed spurred the deplorable Age of Exploration. Of course, Patriots and 76ers would be unacceptably nationalistic names in a globalized society.
By the time the Great Nickname Purge is through, few sports teams will be untouched. Our leagues could be dominated by politically correct names such as the Recyclers, the Tree Huggers, or the Diversity. But we propose an even more radical nickname: the Inertia. They could neither be started when stopped nor stopped when started, rendering competitive play impossible. Then, truly, Utopia would be at hand.
