The National Fellowship of Catholic Men has had great success in impacting the lives of tens of thousand of Catholic men through its support of Catholic men's conferences and fellowships all across the USA, and its support of parish-based men's groups. Our primary goal is for Catholic men to deepen their faith and their relationship with Jesus Christ, and build authentic Christian relationships with other men. Recently, however, I received an interesting request for help from Paul Midghall, the President of a Men's Club at a large 99% retiree Catholic Community in Florida. Here is what Paul had to say:
I have just learned of your Catholic organization and am delighted. I am President of a new Men's Club at our large/99% retiree Catholic Community in Florida. We are kicking off a year long education program on grandparenting or how do we help our grandchildren embrace the rich family heredity of the Catholic faith. Our surveys here suggest less than 20% of our grandchildren attend Mass on Sundays, a deplorable situation!! Can you lead us to resources to help us develop this program — example, lecturers we may bring here to Florida: books/authors, forums, articles, etc?
I believe Paul is not alone in his desire to help his grandchildren grow in their relationship with Christ and to understand the richness of their Catholic faith, and the Church that Christ founded. Of course, this is also true of Catholic fathers as well. This Catholic Man Channel article contains the first of three articles by John Ream, who addresses this important aspect of "grandparenting". You will find that the approach he takes with his grandchildren is just as applicable to our children as well.
John Ream is a strong Catholic man of God who is also the author of "Velvet and Steel, A Practical Guide for Christian Fathers and Grandfathers." Copies of this book are available at National Fellowship of Catholic Men website. John's website is http://www.effectivefathers.com/. — Maurice Blumberg
As I was packing up my equipment, after the closing of a recent Effective Fathers Seminar, an attendee in his mid-thirty's asked if we could talk. He was concerned that his father was not as involved with the grandchildren as he would like him to be. Although his parents lived less than an hour away, neither showed much interest in the children. As he talked, it became evident that he and his Dad had never been close — the hurt was quite evident. So first we discussed a few ways he might begin to rectify this – a personal letter, a one on one meeting with his Dad, a talk with his mother and his siblings, etc. He left with a basic plan in which to move forward.
While I'm sure some grandfathers are just not interested in personal involvement with their grandchildren, I believe the vast majority love them, and would like to play a part in their development – they just don't know how.
I have always believed there are a number of life events that grandparents can help a child navigate successfully. One major challenge is the transition from adolescence to young adulthood. I like to think of it as the "rite of passage", where they are moving away from parents and developing a set of beliefs and values of their own.
I'd like to share something that I've found very useful in helping our grandchildren develop a proper set of standards for life. Over the past several years, when the kids are in their early teens, I have taken them away with me in groups of two or three for a couple weeks with Grandpa. In the mornings we work through a series of life's challenges, but the afternoons are devoted to just being together and having fun. I have finished the 4-year cycle with our two oldest grandchildren, Joshua and Jessi… and last year I began working with Julie (15), Angie (15) and Christopher (14).
As I see life's journey, there are three critical decisions that can determine how successful and fulfilled our lives will be…
First: What do we believe about God? Are we developing a personal relationship with Jesus Christ?
Second: How can we equip ourselves to choose the right marriage partner?
Third: What talents and experiences has God given us to use in His service?
This "Current Message", and the ones to follow, will be devoted to the things we discuss in the first, second and third years. There will be a new message for each of those years. The fourth year is generally a review of what we've gone through the previous years, and may also touch on any subject the kids would like to talk about.
Last July, Angie, Julie and Christopher spent the better part of two weeks with me in Williamsburg, Washington D.C. and New York City. Williamsburg: to gain a sense of early American History, and how wise our founding fathers were. Washington D.C.: to point out the seat of the greatest democracy the world has ever known, and finally The Big Apple, where millions of emigrants have entered the U.S., thereby making us the diverse culture we are today.
We spent time visiting the House of Burgess in Virginia, the Lincoln Memorial, the Holocaust Museum in Washington, and also Ellis Island. All had a story to tell with lessons to be learned. We had fun together at Bush Gardens, saw a Broadway show, and ate lots of pizza. Our last morning was spent touring a Jewish Hasidic Community, guided by a young rabbi, which was an extremely enlightening and interesting experience for all of us, especially me.
However, my main purpose in all of this, was to have the grandchildren think about and discuss what they believe to be true about God in their lives. After breakfast each morning, we went back to our rooms for the daily session. Each of us had our own bibles, and I provided a work sheet titled, "What I Believe". First, on the agenda however, is a time of prayer and thanksgiving, then we tackle the work sheet.
For the first few days we looked at Question #1: In the beginning there was— what? Was there someone or something that started it all… created something out of nothing? What about the "Big Bang" theory… if true, where did it come from?
Then for the next few days we studied Question #2: Is life a series of coincidences or God-incidences? Is there a unique, individual plan, designed and implemented by God, for each of us? How does our free will enter into that plan?
And finally, we ended our series of discussions with the third question: Is Jesus Christ Who He says He is, or is He the biggest fraud history has ever known? Are His promises true? Did His resurrection really take place?
My goal in all of this is to give the grandchildren challenging, thought provoking questions to help them begin to understand that God insists we be either hot or cold, but not lukewarm. We must either believe or not believe (Rev. 3:16: "So because thou art lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spew thee out of my mouth.") Can't get much more specific than that!
I truly enjoyed the two weeks touring the East coast with my grandchildren. However, you don't have to plan a trip to do what I do. Just find a way to spend some quality time with those grandkids.
I see each child as an individual gift from God — one that challenges me, as their grandfather, to help them seek, find and practice the truth. I encourage all grandparents to be significant guides in the lives of their grandchildren — a source of love, support and knowledge especially as they move through those tough teenage years. They need you, even if they don't "know" it.
Next time we'll discuss how to help teens, as they start to date, develop a list of qualities to look for in an eventual marriage partner.
