The National Fellowship of Catholic Men is pleased to present, "A Priority for Grandfathers (and Fathers), Part 3", by John Ream. This is the third of three articles by John, who addresses the important role of "grandparenting". You will find that the approach he takes with his grandchildren is just as applicable to how we as fathers can "parent" our children as well.
John Ream is the author of "Velvet and Steel, A Practical Guide for Christian Fathers and Grandfathers." Copies of this book are available at the National Fellowship of Catholic Men website. John's website is http://www.effectivefathers.com/. – Maurice Blumberg
This article, the third and final in our series of "Priorities for Grandfathers," will be devoted to what the grandkids and I work through during the 3rd year. Last time we dealt with their "List" – the subject of the 2nd year — a list of qualities they should look for in a girlfriend or boyfriend and eventually in their potential spouse. The fourth year is generally a review of what we've gone through during the previous years. It may also touch on any subject the kids would like to talk about.
Continuing now, let's deal with the 3rd year's subject — "God's Gifts". These are the gifts that God in His infinite wisdom has granted to each of us — unique gifts to be used in His service.
Several years ago I was invited to share an evening with the youth group of our church. They were a great group of young people who ranged in age from 12 to 19. We talked about how they saw themselves and how they viewed the world around them: their family, their school, their neighborhood, their church. They were vocal at that point, and their message was that they saw lots of problems — poor relationships at home, peer group pressure, bullies at school — but most of all these young people detested the hypocrisy they saw in the world around them. After I finally got them to start talking, they really unloaded on me. I told them I agreed, and asked what they intended to do about it. Not surprisingly, blank stares were all I got!
I had them stand and form a circle. Then I asked, "Which of you feels equipped to make a difference in regard to the problems you just mentioned — a difference for "good" — a difference for "God"? Out of about 85 youths, only 2 raised their hands, and those 2 did so reluctantly. Then I asked, "What are you going to do when you finish your education and begin both your career and your family. Will you be a part of the solution then?" No more response than the first time.
So I asked, "Do you believe you are gifted by God to do great things in His Name? He knew you even before you were born. He designed your bodies and your minds. He gave you unique talents and strengths and even your experiences are a part of his divine plan. It was God who decided who your parents and grandparents were to be. Do you believe He might have been preparing you for something special?"
Next, I had them sit in a circle, provided them with paper and pencil, and gave them 5 minutes to look at themselves and make a list of all the gifts God had given them. They had a hard time getting started. Teens, and for that matter most of us, do not really believe God has gifted us in any special way. So I began to suggest that they all looked quite healthy… some could sing, some play an instrument, some compete athletically. All could help the weak and be a friend to the friendless. With that they began to get the idea.
I asked if any of them hoped to be a teacher or maybe a doctor or even a priest. Did they intend to start a family one day and become a mom or a dad? Whatever the future held for them, I believed that God created them with a special plan in mind and gave them the gifts to carry it out.
Grandfathers, I think those young people left that evening both thoughtful and challenged. I hope and pray they also felt gifted and of great value. All people, especially the young, need to be sure of their worth. Your grandchildren, while not perfect in the eyes of the world, are "just right" in God's eyes — yes even perfect! How could the Divine Creator of the universe and all it holds, ever create anything less than perfect? Our teenagers need know that and to be confident in who they are.
All of us are gifted in wondrous ways according to Psalm 139:13, 14. "You formed my innermost being; you knit me in my mother's womb; praise you, so wonderfully you made me; wonderful are your works, my very self you knew."
Might I suggest that you have your grandchildren list their gifts and then discuss with you how they can begin to use them right now — in their family, church and school? Help them work up a plan for ministry and agree to follow up and support them. Make sure they understand they are not alone — God and Grandpa and their parents are with them.
I hope you see the value in spending quality time with your grandchildren. It could be a special trip, a weekend outing or just a visit to the park. Whichever you choose, I guarantee they will never forget the time they spend with you.
