The National Fellowship of Catholic Men is pleased to present, "A Priority for Grandfathers (and Fathers), Part 2", by John Ream. This is the second of three articles by John, who addresses the important role of "grandparenting". You will find that the approach he takes with his grandchildren is just as applicable to how we as fathers can "parent" our children as well.
John Ream is the author of "Velvet and Steel, A Practical Guide for Christian Fathers and Grandfathers." Copies of this book are available at the National Fellowship of Catholic Men website. John's website is http://www.effectivefathers.com/. – Maurice Blumberg
As I mentioned in my previous article, I have always believed there are a number of life events that grandparents can help a child to navigate successfully. One major challenge is the transition from adolescence to young adulthood. I like to think of it as a "Rite of Passage". This is when they are moving away from parents and developing a set of beliefs and values of their own.
As I see life's journey, there are three critical decisions that can determine how successful and fulfilled our lives will be…
First: What we believe about God? Are we developing a personal relationship with Jesus Christ?
Second: How we can equip ourselves to choose the right marriage partner?
Third: Identifying the gifts & talents has God given us to use in His service
Over the past several years, when the kids are close to dating age, I have taken them away with me in groups of two or three for a couple weeks with Grandpa. In the mornings we work through a series of life's challenges, but the afternoons are devoted to just being together and having fun. I have finished the 4-year cycle with our two oldest grandchildren, Joshua and Jessi – and last year I began working with Julie (15), Angie (15) and Christopher (14).
This article, and the final one to follow, will be devoted to what we discuss in the second and third years of a 4-year cycle. (We've already covered the first year in the last article.) And the fourth year is generally a review of what we've gone through during the previous years. It may also touch on any subject the kids would like to talk about. Our goal is to help our grandchildren develop a proper set of standards for life.
If you will remember, last time we dealt with the first year's subject, which was developing their faith walk and their relationship with Jesus Christ. Continuing now, lets look at the second subject, which is how we can help our young people to find the right partner in marriage. Julie, Angie and Chris, my grandchildren, are now moving into dating age. They can better equip themselves to make proper decisions about those whom they date if they have developed some guidelines.
Our story begins several years ago when my sister, Harriet, and her daughter, Rebecca, were visiting us… Rebecca had recently graduated from the University of Illinois and was looking forward to a career but had just broken off a serious relationship with a young man she had been dating for quite a while.
As Rebecca and I sat on our deck and chatted late one afternoon, we talked about her future and about her time at the university. Then I asked her about the young man she had been dating, whom I'll call "Bill". "Rebecca," I asked, "Was he a hunk, good looking and fun to be with?" She acknowledged that he was attractive and that they had shared many good times together. Then I went on to ask if he was dependable, honest, sensitive, etc… and named off a number of the qualities of a mature Christian man. Rebecca began to get teary eyed, then she jumped up and asked if I would wait a minute as she dashed back into the house. A few moments later, she returned with pad and pencil in hand. As she sat back down she said, "Uncle John, could we make a list of the qualities I need to look for in a young man? I don't want to be hurt again."
For the next hour or so, Rebecca and I talked about the qualities she should look for in any perspective dating partner. As we developed "the list" we also discussed other ways she could make correct judgments about a man's character. For example, I suggested that she take any opportunity to observe how he treats his mother, for that could very well indicate how he might treat his wife.
Rebecca took the list with her as she started her new career with a major insurance company, and from time to time we talked. I always asked if she still had her list, and she always answered, "Yes, and I'm using it."
Rebecca is married now to a fine young man, and by the way, they could use some extra prayer right now. As they are attempting to start their family they are discovering a few hurdles that need to be overcome. Your prayers will be most appreciated.
Granddads, why not make it a priority to take your grandchildren of dating age off for a week or so, allotting time each morning to help THEM build THEIR list. Isn't this a good way to help them accurately judge the quality of a boy/girl friend?
A good friend of mine once told me of a local Protestant pastor who had worked with his daughter to build a list of her own when she was 16, and just beginning to date. At 19 and a sophomore in college she invited a young man to her home to spend part of their spring break with her family. After a few days he went on to his own home. The day after the young man left, the pastor invited his daughter to go out with him to breakfast… and he said, "Honey, why don't you bring along your list?" After breakfast Dad asked her to take out her list. As she began to read the qualities out loud, her voice grew softer and softer. Finally she looked up at her father with tears in her eyes and said, "He's not going to make it, is he Dad?" The pastor sighed and agreed, "No sweetheart, you're right, he's not going to make it."
Can you see the wisdom in this situation? The pastor's daughter had made her own list – it was entirely hers. That helped her to reach the correct conclusion about the boy she was dating. Without the list the father would have had a difficult time helping his daughter make the right decision.
And so, my dear grandfathers, take time to invest in the lives of your grandchildren – they will never forget the time they spend with you. In the next article, we'll talk about "Gifts" – how God has gifted your grandchildren and how they can use those gifts in the service of the King.
