[Editor's Note — This article is the second in a series on the theme, “Being Men of Valor in Our Everyday Lives.” Click here to read the first article and the third article.]
In the testimonial below, some of the names and details were changed to protect the identities of those involved.
Sam and I have always been great friends. Both of us are practicing Catholics. We are committed to daily prayer and Scripture reading as well as serving in our respective parishes. For years we worked in the same government agency. Sam had a sterling reputation at work for integrity, dedication, and fun. He was one of the directors everyone wanted to work for. Meanwhile, my career, though not as spectacular as Sam’s, was also very solid. I must admit I was eager for promotion and was just beginning to get the kind of recognition I needed. Being a friend of Sam’s was clearly a plus for my career as well.
Sam’s popularity, however, came at a cost. He had his share of enemies who were jealous of his success, and when false accusations triggered an investigation of Sam’s office, rumors began to fly. To protect their own reputations, people began to distance themselves from Sam. Coworkers refused to defend him, and some of his closest associates outright abandoned him to save their own skins. The charges leveled against him, coupled with his friends’ betrayal, so hurt Sam that he retreated into a shell of self-pity and depression. He felt he could trust no one.
Sam’s troubles presented a serious dilemma for me. Though I knew Sam was innocent, I also knew that for me to be seen as his friend could jeopardize my hopes for promotion. Yet I also knew that the right thing to do was to stand by my friend. I decided to stay loyal to Sam. I also understood that even though he needed a lot of healing, Sam wasn’t all that interested in being preached to. So I simply told him that what he was going through was unfair, and that I believed that he would recover.
When Sam was forced to resign, I was the only one who stood by him, and it cost me my promotion. I was upset that things would turn out like this, but I still preferred being snubbed to abandoning a close friend and losing my own integrity.
Over time I continued to support Sam and, eventually, he was able to get back on his feet and find another job. Sam and I are still close friends, and we get together regularly to pray and share our lives. Sam never seems to get tired of telling me how grateful he is that I stood by him in his time of need. As we look back on what happened, we both realize that as a result of the trials and struggles we shared, our faith is much stronger now and our friendship much deeper. Although we would never want to go through what we did again, nevertheless God worked a good in each of our lives and both Sam and I believe we are stronger men of God as a result.
(This article by Maurice Blumberg was part of the Catholic Men’s E-zine, “Being Men of Valor in Our Everyday Lives” (January–February 2002 issue), which is available on the NFCM website. You may e-mail them at info@nfcmusa.org. Many thanks to the The Word Among Us for allowing us to use this testimonial. Used with permission.)
Reflection Questions Page 2
Questions for Reflection/Discussion by Catholic Men
1. The story of Sam’s upheaval at work and its toll on his personal life is but one example of the way envy and gossip can cause deep wounds in people and damage relationships. In your own life, can you share some situations at work that were similar to Sam’s? Within your family? How did you react to these situations? Did you have a friend like Dave to support you?
2. Dave’s loyalty to Sam shows what it means to be a man of valor under difficult circumstances and what a true and loyal friend is meant to be. Many of us have had situations in which a relationship was stretched almost to, or even beyond, the breaking point, and we all know how painful this can be. How can we make sure our relationships — with our friends, our neighbors, and even our spouses — survive times of testing?
3. As Christians, we know that the strength to be a man of valor comes from our relationship with Jesus, the ultimate man of valor. What steps can you take with the other men in your men’s group to strengthen your relationship with Jesus?
4. A clear sign of how much God loves us is the witness of Catholic men (and women) upholding one another and sharing their lives with one another, in bad times as well as good. Jesus delights in all friendships, and he longs to bring his grace and blessing to them. He truly enjoys teaching us how to love one another with his love and offering us his wisdom and strength to overcome any obstacles that we might encounter together. In what ways have you experienced God’s love through the friendship and support of other men?
5. As we think about friendship, it’s important to acknowledge the spiritual dimension that is part of every relationship. On the one hand, the Holy Spirit is at work encouraging us to love, to forgive, and to support one another. On the other hand, the evil one is also at work, sowing seeds of suspicion, resentment, and mistrust. He knows that if he can destroy friendship, he can seriously weaken the body of Christ and convince unbelievers that Christianity really doesn’t work. What steps can we take as Christian men to more fully recognize this spiritual dimension? Do you ask the Holy Spirit for help in keeping your guard up against the ways Satan may want to pull your friendships apart?
