If you haven’t heard, the childless culture is having an adverse emotional effect on aging Japanese. It’s so bad that toymakers design dolls for the lonely and elderly who use them as substitutes for the children they never had or for the children who deserted their hometowns.
Japan is ahead of the aging population curve. Caucasians in Western Europe and the United States aren't too far behind. Those Japanese toy dolls might come here soon.
But we might have an even better child substitute.
Clones.
In hopes of capitalizing on this potential market, I have used my training and experience as a business attorney to draft a contract that could be serviceable when the time comes.
It might seem like an odd exercise, but contracts provide a mechanism for looking at the legal and societal issues that confront a culture. After all, contracts are drafted to address potential trouble areas. By looking at what such a contract could look like, we might get a better feel for whether we want to avoid those trouble areas altogether.
And, if nothing else, it might be mildly humorous.
Note: The contract can be adapted for use with advanced chimeras.
This Agreement for Companionship (“Agreement“) is entered into between ____________ (“Purchaser“) and The Companionship Company (“TCC“).
Recitals: The parties acknowledge that the following recitals are accurate and incorporate them as integral provisions of this Agreement.
A. Purchaser is over fifty years old and has no natural or adopted offspring that live within 180 miles of him. Purchaser desires to acquire an individual to fulfill the emotional and societal needs of an elderly person with no such offspring.
B. TCC has a supply of adult clones and is willing to cause such a clone to assume the role as Purchaser's adult child (said clone to be referred to throughout this Agreement as the “Adult Companion“).
Therefore, the parties agree as follows:
1. General: Purchaser shall purchase from TCC, and TCC shall sell to purchaser, one Adult Companion.
2. Price: Purchaser shall pay TCC One Million Dollars ($1,000,000.00) for the Adult Companion, payable in immediately-available federal funds as follows:
A. $100,000.00 shall be paid upon execution of this Agreement;
B. $800,000.00 shall be paid upon delivery of the Adult Companion in accordance with Section 3;
C. $100,000.00 shall be paid into escrow upon delivery of the Adult Companion and shall be held in escrow for a period of 270 days, pursuant to the Escrow Agreement attached as Exhibit A. Said Escrow Agreement is established for purposes of allowing Purchaser to assure that the Adult Companion does not materially breach any of TCC's warranties and representations set forth below.
3. Delivery: TCC shall deliver the Adult Companion to Purchaser within 540 days after execution of this Agreement. During said time period, TCC shall undertake reasonable best efforts to assure that the Adult Companion is conditioned to accept Purchaser as the Adult Companion's natural or adoptive parent, subject to the limitations set forth in Section 5.
4. Purchaser's Warranties and Representations: The parties acknowledge that TCC has certain obligations to the Adult Companion pursuant to the Federal Clone Protection Act and has a legitimate interest in making sure the Adult Companion is properly cared for. Purchaser, therefore, makes the following representations, warranties, and promises:
A. Purchaser is at least fifty years old and less than eighty years old.
B. Purchaser has no reason to believe that Purchaser will require extraordinary home care during the next ten years.
C. Purchaser will create estate planning documents to assure that the Adult Companion receives at least half of the intestate share of the inheritance that a biological or adoptive son or daughter would receive upon Purchaser's death.
D. Purchaser (i) has no other children, nieces, or nephews that live within 180 miles of Purchaser, or (ii) if Purchaser has any such individual living within 180 miles, Purchaser is estranged from said individual and has had no material contact with him or her for at least two years.
E. Except as set forth in sub-section F immediately below, Purchaser will treat the Adult Companion as a reasonable parent would treat a biological or adoptive son or daughter.
F. Purchaser will not engage in sexual relations with the Adult Companion without first completing counseling courses as prescribed by Sections 345 through 358b of the Federal Clone Protection Act. Purchaser will also assure that any such relations are conducted in accordance with applicable state and local laws or ordinances.
Purchaser agrees to indemnify and hold TCC harmless from any claims whatsoever arising from breach of the foregoing representations, warranties, and promises. “Claims” includes any damages incurred by TCC, as well as any attorney fees and court costs incurred by TCC as a result of said breach.
5. Limited Warranty: TCC warrants and represents as follows:
A. The Adult Companion was conceived, incubated, and bred with no assistance from any Ascertainable Third Party (as said term is defined in Section 32 of the Federal Clone Protection Act).
B. No third party (including but not limited to Ascertainable Third Parties) has a claim to the Adult Companion, whether through long-term lease arrangement, purchase option, or otherwise.
C. Adult Companion has only those legal rights and the legal status arising under the Federal Clone Protection Act, 59 USC Section 24 et seq, and has no rights or privileges, including but not limited to any such rights arising under contract, the U.S. Constitution, any state constitution, or any state, federal, or local civil rights law or ordinance.
D. To the best of TCC's knowledge, the Adult Companion is free of all material diseases and physical infirmities. The term “material” shall be defined to be any such disease or infirmity that would constitute a disability under the Federal Americans with Disabilities Act or that would likely lead to such a disability within the next five years.
E. To the best of TCC's knowledge, the Adult Companion IS / IS NOT (circle one) homosexual. INITIALS: ____ ____
F. To the best of TCC's knowledge, the Adult Companion IS / IS NOT capable of procreating. INITIALS: ____ ____
G. The Adult Companion speaks English.
H. TCC has undertaken standard due diligence common to the industry to assure that the Adult Companion views Purchaser as his/her biological or adoptive parent. Notwithstanding the foregoing, the parties acknowledge that TCC has absolute and sole discretion to determine whether the Adult Companion is conditioned to accept Purchaser as a biological or adoptive parent, it being the parties' understanding that it is impossible to discern how the Adult Companion will respond to conditioning until the conditioning process starts. Further, the parties acknowledge that, due to natural limitations that surpass the control of TCC, no clone can be conditioned with absolute certitude and that, other than the foregoing representation, TCC cannot be responsible for the Adult Companion's level of affection.
THE FOREGOING WARRANTIES ARE IN LIEU OF ALL OTHER WARRANTIES, EXPRESSED OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING, BUT NOT LIMITED TO, THE IMPLIED WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY AND FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE. TCC shall not be liable to Purchaser for any damages or costs incurred by Purchaser arising out of any legal cause of action, whether sounding in tort, contract, or otherwise, including claims for assault, battery, or wrongful death arising from the actions of Adult Companion, unless said cause of action arises from a breach of one or more of the foregoing warranties and representation. Purchaser acknowledges that he or she has had ample opportunity to inspect the Adult Companion and make further inquiries regarding the background, genes, and general quality of the Adult Companion. Purchaser further acknowledges that he or she has been given ample opportunity to request an Adult Companion with enhancements and that no such enhancements are included in this Agreement, unless the parties enter into and execute one or more of the following Enhancement Addenda: Athletic Ability Addendum, Attractiveness Addendum, Religious Affiliation Addendum, Ethnicity Addendum, Foreign Language Proficiency Addendum, Speaking Accent Preference Addendum, Professional and University Sports Team Preference Addendum, Recreational Preference Addendum, Ability to Provide Home Infirmity Care Addendum, Potential Grandchildren Addendum.
6. Miscellaneous: Any notice specified in this Agreement shall be deemed properly given if delivered in writing personally or by certified mail to the parties at their addresses listed above. This Agreement (along with exhibit and addenda, if applicable) sets forth the entire agreement of the parties with respect to the subject matter of this Agreement, and supersedes any and all prior agreements. Neither this Agreement nor any provision of this Agreement may be modified, except by written agreement between the parties. This Agreement is entered into for the benefit of the listed parties, and is not intended to bestow any benefits on third parties, including but not limited to the Adult Companion and its offspring.
© Copyright 2005 Catholic Exchange
Eric Scheske is an attorney, the Editor of The Wednesday Eudemon, a Contributing Editor of Godspy, and the former editor of Gilbert Magazine.
