A Child’s Yearning

Six years ago, a lonely 13-year-old girl in the Northwest wrote the following entry in her diary. The second child in a family of four, her mother was depressed and her father unhappy. The names have been changed in this story to protect the privacy of these individuals, but the yearning of this young heart echoes that of so many, as you will see.

Today, this same girl is a kind, confident young woman, filled with an inner peace and joy that far exceeded her childhood hope. In the quoted exerts after the letter, you will discover the same spiritual reality that changed this little girl’s excruciating loneliness into heartfelt joy &#0151 a Christmas gift that took six years to be recognized.

Dear Journal,

Sometimes I wish something bad will happen to me &#0151 so then everybody would feel sorry for me &#0151 show me some kind of love. But there is no love in our house. Oh sure, sometimes people are happy &#0151 but there is no love.

I want my brother Josh to be loved and not to be angry.

I want my mom to be loved and for her to be happy.

I want my sister Teresa to be loved and all her good noticed.

I want my brother Jake to be able to be a goofy kid and not have to grow up too quickly.

I want my dad to be loved and to find his smile again.

Why am I so selfish? Why can't I fix my mother’s pain? Why can’t I make my brother happy? Why must I be a pest to my sister? Why do I pick on Jake?

Can someone fix the hurt?

Maybe all our family needs is a good Christmas &#0151 where we can be joyful &#0151 loving &#0151 and be filled with gladness.

That’s my Christmas wish &#0151 My Prayer &#0151 That our family will reunite and be able to share things…

To be a family &#0151 again.

Goodnight,

Anita.

Over the next six years, Anita discovered the response to her letter, as if written through events in her life from the pen of Our Lord’s own mother. The same response is given to us. Listen carefully. Insert your own name where you see Anita’s:

Dearest Anita,

“Listen, put it into your heart, my youngest and dearest [Anita], that the thing that disturbs you, the thing that afflicts you is nothing. Do not let your countenance, your heart be disturbed. Do not fear… anything that is sharp or hurtful. Am I not here, I, who am your Mother? Are you not under my shadow and protection? Am I not the source of your joy? Are you not in the hollow of my mantle, in the crossing of my arms? Do you need anything more?¹

“The Lord wants you to await meeting with Him all the time &#0151 in every moment. He wants to meet with you during the day and during the night, in joy and in sorrow, in extraordinary events and in the monotonous rhythm of daily life.”²

You see, Anita, “everything that you experience is linked to the love of God, who loves you, and to His desire for your good. He is present in your life no matter what you do.”³

“Because of God’s presence in each event, we should often ask ourselves: What does God intend by this?”⁴ “In all your experiences, even those which you do not understand, God conceals some special gift for you.⁵ “Can our merciful Father desire anything other than what is good for His beloved children?”⁶

“Now, my dearest, [daughter, Anita], you have heard my breath, my word; go now and put forth your best effort.”⁷

My Son, Jesus Christ, blesses you as my most beloved daughter,

Your Mother Mary, the handmaid of the Lord.

Today, Anita writes:

I am now almost twenty. My thoughts on this upcoming Christmas have changed since that year of ’99, since I was that lonely child, drowning silently in misery.

This Christmas of 2005 offers me hope &#0151 and perhaps I did not see it during that specific moment in time, but the Christmas of that year offered me hope as well. Mother Mary brought a Savior into the world that day. Mother Mary brought a young girl to her Heavenly Father that day.

Each Christmas should make known to all &#0151 Jesus’ strong desire for each of His beloved children to draw near to Him. A desire so strong that he took on our human flesh.

God calls us to be undeserving, weak, wounded, imperfect and helpless. It is only then that we can abandon ourselves and fall into the unconditional, loving arms of Mary &#0151 and be filled with Christ’s mercy, grace, joy and peace.

Do not welcome misery… but place misery into Mary’s arms and she will give you hope. And then you will discover the most glorious surprise… JESUS… who it is you are looking for!

Within Mary’s response to my diary letter, she showed me the Truth &#0151 that I was never alone. Within my sadness and sorrow, she was holding me in her loving arms. My eyes were not open to this truth until a few months ago. God’s own mother was leading me and guiding me along life’s journey &#0151 and eventually carried me back to the Church. It is in her arms that I am brought to Jesus. It is through her love that I can accept the unconditional love of my Lord.

And now this Christmas I join the proclamation of the angels at Our Savior’s birth: “Glory to God in the highest and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests.” (Lk 2:14)

__________

¹ Franciscan Friars of the Immaculate, A Handbook on Guadalupe, (New Bedford, MA: the Academy of the Immaculate, 2001), 200.

² S.C. Biela, Behold, I Stand at the Door and Knock, (Fort Collins, CO: In the Arms of Mary Foundation, 2005), p. 112.

³ Father Tadeusz Dajczer, The Gift of Faith, second ed., (Ventura, CA: In the Arms of Mary Foundation, 2002), p. 26

⁴ Slawomir Biela, GOD Alone Suffices, (Ventura, CA: In the Arms of Mary Foundation, 2002), p. 118.

⁵ S.C. Biela, In the Arms of Mary, (Fort Collins, CO: In the Arms of Mary Foundation, 2005), p. 34.

⁶ S.C. Biela, Open Wide the Doors to Christ, (Fort Collins, CO: In the Arms of Mary Foundation, 2005), p. 148.

⁷ Franciscan Friars of the Immaculate, A Handbook on Guadalupe, p. 196.

__________

(Karen Walker is a freelance writer and a communications professional specializing in the nonprofit arena. She may be reached at Karen@walker-comm.com.)