Christmas is such a beautiful time of year. In addition to celebrating the most amazing mystery of our faith, the Incarnation, there is so much loveliness that surrounds us during this month of December—the glow of the lights, the decorated trees, snow-covered houses, smoke coming from chimneys, the carols, and the extra kindness and charity people show to one another—everything about it has a way of lifting one’s spirits and bringing joy to the heart. But what happens when you are really struggling this time of year, when God seems distant, when it is even difficult to get through the day without crying, and all of the joy surrounding you feels like a painful reminder that everyone else is happy, and you are not? Perhaps you have recently lost a loved one, maybe you have a serious illness, or are suffering from a break up or someone you love is sick. In the hope of encouraging those who are suffering this Christmas, here are a few things that have brought me consolation when I have gone through difficult times:
- Rest in God’s presence. If you are someone who is old school, like me, and has depended heavily on the Rosary, the Divine Mercy Chaplet, or other rote prayers in your life, this may be a good time to take a break from those and just spend time with God. On the other hand, if you don’t pray very much, this is a great way to start. In his book Thirsting for Prayer, Fr. Jacques-Phillipe says that prayer should be primarily receptive, and that we should think of it as “wasting time with God.” I think everyone, but especially those who are hurting, can benefit from praying in this way. Adoration is the perfect place for doing this, but it can just as easily be done on the couch in your living room. Just sit in silence and talk to God, tell him anything you want; or say nothing at all and just listen to what He wants to tell you. It can be extremely healing to experience prayer as a time of rest, instead of an extra to-do on our long list this time of year.
- Read the Book of Psalms. A great way to begin a time of resting in God’s presence is to read through the book of Psalms. The Psalms have been one of the greatest sources of consolation in my life, especially when my heart is broken. They have helped me when I didn’t even know how to pray. Many, many, times King David’s words–his prayer in time of distress, as well as in time of thanksgiving–have become my own prayer, and he has become a great friend and ally. One of the reasons David’s prayer has this effect, I think, is because David has done it all—he has sinned in a big way, and yet he trusts in God with his whole heart, and he teaches us how to repent so beautifully. No matter what you are going through—grief, loss, disappointment, discouragement, loneliness, or depression, the Psalms can help you understand your pain, and because they are the Word of God, they will begin a process of healing if you let them.
- Talk to a good friend. If you are really struggling with grief or depression this time of year, I would highly recommend making an appointment to meet with a professional counselor. But in addition to that, it is so important to have at least one person you can talk to when you are going through a difficult time. Even if you live far from family, or if you have recently moved to a new place, make sure to keep up with friends or family on the phone. Isolating ourselves when we are suffering only makes things worse, and often when we share what we are going through with a trusted friend, we gain a whole new perspective on things, and we have the strength we need to persevere a little bit longer. Remember, it is not a sign of weakness, but of wisdom, to reach out for help when we need it.
- Start reading a good book. This may seem silly, but in my experience a good book can make all the difference when you are going through a rough spot in life. I normally love to read spiritual books and books about the saints, and if you feel like doing this type of reading, then by all means, go for it. But, in the darker moments of life I think a great novel can become like a good friend. I would recommend a classic, something entertaining that portrays the human experience in a timeless way. Some of my all time favorites are The Scarlet Pimpernel, The Count of Monte Cristo, Jane Eyre, Pride and Prejudice, the Brothers Karamazov, and Anna Karenina, and I really want to read Quo Vadis, the Divine Comedy, Don Quijote, and Diary of a Country Priest.
- Watch It’s a Wonderful Life. My all-time favorite movie, this is a must-see at least once a year, but especially if you are feeling discouraged or worn out by life. As the head angel says to Clarence in the beginning, when Clarence asks if George Bailey is sick, “Even worse—he’s discouraged.” This movie is beautiful for many reasons, but to me the most important are these two ideas: 1. Even, and sometimes, especially, when we try our utmost to live a good and virtuous life, life can disappoint us and wear us down, and we can begin to lose sight of the big picture; and 2. Every person, every life, touches so many other lives, and we have a bigger influence than we realize. The idea that our life is valuable, that we, by existing, make the world a better place; and the concept that we are not alone in becoming discouraged or tired of the hardships life brings, but that there is hope in prayer, are too invaluable things we can take from this film.
I hope that God sends you peace, joy, and consolation this Christmas season, and that these ideas can help you in some small way. I will be praying that you will soon be able to say, with King David:
“He reached down from on high and seized me;
drew me out of deep waters.
He rescued me from my mighty enemy,
From foes too powerful for me.
They attacked me on a day of distress,
But the Lord came to my support.
He set me free in the open;
He rescued me because he loves me.”
Psalm 18: 17-20
