Perhaps we feel from time to time that our prayer life isn’t as vibrant as we wish it to be. We seem to get into a pattern of saying the same prayers at the same time, sometimes just continuing to mouth them familiarly while our minds are distracted by extraneous thoughts. And no matter how focused we try to be on our prayers, something seems to be missing. Responding effectively to that feeling is sometimes very difficult.
Formal and Informal Private Prayer
We engage in structured, formal prayer when we kneel or sit to spend time praying the Rosary or the Litany of Trust. But we also engage in unstructured, informal prayer when we confess our sins, pray for those on our prayer lists, the needs of family and friends, and our own concerns and needs.
Most of us engage in formal and informal private prayers. We spontaneously offer a thanksgiving prayer to God when, for example, we see a spectacular sunset or a parking space opens up. We offer an intercessory prayer when we learn of a neighbor’s illness. It is private prayer—both informal and formal—that is the principal focus of this article.
Where to Begin
Einstein is often credited with saying that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome. If we are sincere in wanting to improve our prayer life, we must change something. Thankfully, there are a variety of ways to do so—all starting with the sincere prayer for guidance that the disciples taught us when they asked Jesus to “teach us to pray” (Lk. 11:1).
Trying to do anything on our own without God’s help severely handicaps our efforts. The Litany of Trust teaches that Jesus is our Lord and our God, that we are His beloved ones, and that He will teach us to trust Him. This is a powerful message that leads us first to sincere prayer for guidance and improvement. Next, we can enlist our Blessed Mother and our Guardian Angels to help guide us to an enriched prayer life.
Evaluate Your Problems
Evaluate what times, what prayers, and when during prayer your mind wanders and try to identify where your main problem seems to be. Spend some time seeking and evaluating earthly resources that are available to help you.
Vic has found guidance in the confessional. When he recently confessed that he was sometimes distracted during prayer, the priest offered excellent advice specific to him. The same priest at another time introduced him to the Litany of Trust which he prays every day and which has greatly enriched his prayer life. One section of the Litany keeps him focused as he prays: “That You always hear me and in Your goodness always respond to me.” This caused Vic to think “If God is listening—if He is paying attention to me—how can I not also pay attention to what I am saying to Him in my prayers and listening for His response?” Praying this verse of the Litany jolts him back to increased focus on what he is saying in his prayers.
There are many other places to look for guidance, including online. Judy has found much relevant free online material about prayer and meditation—from the writings of saints, to those of current scholars, and official documents of the Church—which has enriched her prayer life.
Some Common Impediments to Prayer
It is important to identify the specific impediments you are facing. The one we are tackling here is distraction, though there are many others.
To conquer distractions, we have found that setting aside a dedicated time and peaceful place is a great start to an improved prayer life. While we pray spontaneously throughout the day, we offer our “main” prayers in the evenings in the library of our home, sitting side by side on our sofa, with our cell phones muted. With a crucifix on the wall in front of us, our library provides a perfect quiet space where we can focus on our prayers. While our library works best for us, a bench in your backyard or a chair in your bedroom might be the perfect quiet space for you.
Another possible impediment is posture. During private prayer, posture is a personal choice, and no one posture is better than another. St. Ignatius of Loyola prayed lying down. Others may be more comfortable sitting, standing, or kneeling. While we sit while praying, our son says that “kneeling focuses me and allows God’s Word to be channeled to me in ways that I can’t often experience without it.” What is important is that you are not distracted by your posture.
Trying to fit prayer time into an already busy schedule can be another impediment. We should strive to make a dedicated time for prayer a priority. As we have aged, we have found that we must start our evening prayers earlier and earlier to avoid falling asleep as the disciples did in the Garden while Jesus prayed.
Also recognize the need for flexibility in your dedicated prayer time. We interrupt our prayers to respond to a neighbor who comes to the door requesting assistance, or a child who cries out from a bedroom. We attend to the need, then return to our prayers. We also alter our prayer time to accommodate attending a grandchild’s band concert. God understands.
Structure Can Help With Private Prayer
When we first prepare to pray, we ask our Guardian Angels to remove extraneous thoughts from our minds and help us maintain focus on God throughout our prayers. If an extraneous thought creeps in while we are praying, we try to resist going down that rabbit hole. We pause in our prayers and ask for that thought to be removed. As you work to improve your prayer life, work to prevent these distractions, don’t be too hard on yourself; distractions happen to all of us.
Having some structure to your private prayer can help with distractions. Spend some time in prayer asking God to guide you in determining the best way to structure your private prayer. No one size fits all. The length of time can be important. It may not be necessary to include every prayer every day. Some days situations will call for expanded time in prayer, and it’s okay to spend that time with God and leave off another part of our routine. We tailor our prayers and the length of time we spend to ever-changing situations. Sometimes less is better.
How We Structure Our Prayer Time
- Scripture & Reflection: We read Scripture then engage in our own private prayers in silence.
- Praise & Adoration: We offer praise to God, either in our own words or the Glory Be, or a line or two from a psalm, such as “Bless the Lord, O my soul; and all that is within me, bless his holy name!” (Ps. 103:1).
- Examination of Conscience: We repent of the sins that we have committed, both what we did and what we failed to do.
- Formal Prayer: While Judy prays the Rosary, Vic prays the Ignatian Daily Examen and the Litany of Trust.
- Thanksgiving: We thank God for all our blessings.
- Intercessory Prayer: We pray for the intentions we hold in our hearts.
- Conclusion: We finish with the Our Father.
A Final, Very Important Reminder
Even if you continue to struggle in your prayers, always keep in mind that you are in great company! Mother Teresa shocked the world when it was revealed after her death that she spent years wondering if God even heard her. St. John of the Cross called this the “dark night of the soul.” Their advice, and that of many others who have struggled, is to continue praying. Never give up, thinking that you are wasting your time or that God isn’t listening to you. He is! And He always will, so let us remain faithful to Him.
Photo by Tony Lomas on Unsplash
