Today the Church celebrates the Feast of St. Therese. There is much we can learn from St. Therese’s teachings, which is why she was declared a Doctor of the Church. One of the most powerful lessons we can learn from her example is how she loved. Her entire life was dedicated to loving God and others. This began at an early age. She was given a deeply sensitive and expansive interior life from the beginning. She learned through trial and error how much she loved both God and human beings. Through her experiences, she learned to place God first and how to rightly love others, including those who rejected her.
In her autobiography, Story of a Soul, St. Therese gives us some insight into the way she loved others through a story she tells from her childhood. She was prone to deep affections towards other people which were often not reciprocated. She writes about a friend she had as a child:
My heart, sensitive and affectionate as it was, would have easily surrendered had it found a heart capable of understanding it. I tried to make friends with little girls my own age, and especially with two of them. I loved them and they, in their turn, loved me insofar as they were capable. But alas! How narrow and flighty is the heart of creatures! Soon I saw my love was misunderstood. One of my friends was obliged to go back to her family and she returned to school a few months later. During her absence, I had thought about her, treasuring the little ring she had given me. When I saw my companion back again my joy was great, but all I received from her was a cold glance. My love was not understood. I felt this and I did not beg for an affection that was refused, but God gave me a heart which is so faithful that once it has loved purely, it loves always. And I continued to pray for my companion and I still love her.
One could easily dismiss this example as the capricious nature of children, but adults are just as fickle with their affections. This is why the Lord through the Psalmist (Ps. 146:3) tells us not to trust in princes or men. Human beings change from moment to moment, which is why we can never place our foundation on the love of human beings. This does not mean we do not love people; we are called to love all people. It means that our hope and happiness cannot ultimately lie in human beings, even those closest to us within our families.
St. Therese’s experience is instructive for all of us. It is especially important for those people who love very deeply, like St. Therese. All of us will experience rebuke and misunderstanding in the face of trying to love other people. We will be wrongly accused, and what is meant to be pure love will be distorted by our fellow fallen human beings. It is what we ultimately do with that love that matters.
First, God often uses rejection to show us that we are ultimately made for Him. Our love will never fully be received by human beings, so God uses situations like this to reveal to us that our foundation, happiness, and identity are solely based on His love for us. The deep love we desire can only be quenched by Him. St. Therese freely admits that she would have given her heart away, under the right circumstances, which would have been detrimental to her Carmelite vocation. Human love is a gift, but it is not the ultimate gift. Souls such as St. Therese are set apart by God for union with Him alone and a divided heart would have kept her from the heights for which she was made.
Second, the rejection taught her how to go on loving with the heart the Lord had given to her. She did not stop loving her friend. She continued to will her good in prayer. All of us experience rejection and betrayal in our relationships in this life. Whether it is family, friends, co-workers, or others, there will be times when human beings will hurt us deeply. The struggle to not become filled with bitterness and resentment can be a great battle. St. Therese teaches us that we must ultimately love those individuals through dedicated prayer. This frees us from the snares of the enemy and the wounded ego that can leave us slaves to unforgiveness. By praying for those who hurt us, we learn to love as Christ loves from the Cross, which transforms and frees us to become who God wants us to be.
Third, a sensitive and deeply loving heart is a gift from God. People with this nature do tend to experience deeper pain than others when relationships fail, but it is also these individuals who can be more open to the depths of God’s love. While the Holy Spirit must help guide sensitive souls to healing and a detached way of loving, it is also a gift that will allow them to plunge into the depths of God’s infinite love. It should be viewed as a blessing and gift, not a character flaw or defect.
These sensitive souls must be purified and learn detachment, but being capable of deep love should not be a source of shame. It is these people who will be most misunderstood in their relationships because, as St. Therese points out, her friends loved as much as they were capable. Some people, due to sins, personality traits, family backgrounds, and other influences, may not be able to return the love someone attempts to give to them. Often misunderstandings arise because the other person cannot receive or give at the same level, which is why we must learn to love people where they are and will their good at the level they can handle or from afar through prayer.
St. Therese is a beautiful example of a heart that loves God and others with an immense and profound love. In a fallen world, this type of love will often be misunderstood or go unreciprocated. But, through the inspiration and guidance of the Holy Spirit, we too can learn to love purely and in a detached manner, and we can surrender the people who reject us to the Lord’s merciful love in prayer. May St. Therese guide us to a deeper love of God and others through her prayers on this feast day.
Image by Radim SCHOLASTER via Wikimedia Commons
