I have watched multiple priests leave the priesthood over the years, including the priest who baptized my godson. During the wake of 2018 and COVID, there were quite a few, which left many of us heartbroken. There is a balance that must be found when a priest leaves the priesthood. The Church allows priests to be laicized—returned to the lay state—but it still causes widespread scandal and has long-lasting consequences. There should not be a laxity in response, as if it is unimportant when a priest leaves, nor can there be condemnation that leaves no room for mercy.
The problem is that we are not currently finding the right balance.
The Church is facing a widespread vocational crisis across the board. This crisis is primarily one of faith, meaning, and understanding. The majority of Catholics do not understand what a vocation is—whether it be marriage, priesthood, lay consecrated, or religious. Since most Catholics were not taught the true nature of vocation for a variety of reasons, the culture has swept in to fill that void in understanding.
When a priest leaves the priesthood, it impacts thousands of people in parishes, as well as deeply wounding the presbyterate. The wounds are immense because it causes people to question or misunderstand the nature of the priesthood. Social media has made the scandal much worse because too many of these priests seek approval for their choices rather than quietly walking away in order to minimize the scandal. This desire for approval reveals how both sides—the priest who leaves and those who follow him—misunderstand the priestly vocation.
Vocation has been reduced to the mantras of our age. “You do you.” “Follow your heart.” “Do what makes you happy.” These sentiments are widespread across the social media feeds of former priests—even those who haven’t even been laicized yet—when they publicly share their decision to leave. This mentality is rife in our pews. These men often state in their very public explanations that they didn’t “feel fulfilled” or “need to find something that makes them happy,” which only furthers the confusion. It reveals that they never understood their own vocation, and the laity who are primarily in the vocation of holy matrimony don’t understand their own call. If they did understand their priestly vocation, then they would walk away silently rather than causing even greater scandal.
The Lord does not tell us to do whatever makes us happy, to follow our heart, or to “you do you.” He tells us to pick up our cross and to follow Him. That was the Gospel reading this past Sunday. True happiness, which is ultimately joy, cannot be found in selfishness and our own personal plan of self-fulfillment. Our hearts are fallen and sinful. We are prone to sin and whatever is easiest, not to the sacrifices necessary to follow Christ and to love others as He loves.
Our vocational calling from the Lord is meant to strip us of our inherent selfishness and narcissism. It is the means by which He teaches us how to love as He loves. True love is devoid of sentimentality because the love Christ calls us to can only be found when we are crucified with Him. Our thorn-crowned Crucified Lord issues an invitation that looks nothing like the sentimental mantras of our day. We can only find authentic fulfillment, peace, and joy when we surrender everything to Him. When we lay down our lives for another, whether a spouse, religious community, or the Church as a priest. We are all called to imitate Christ Crucified in our vocation.
The vocation with the highest calling to be conformed to Christ Crucified is the priesthood. While many in the “spirit of Vatican II” mindset have done their level best to remove the hierarchical nature of the supernatural structure of the Church, there is still a supernatural hierarchy of goods. The priesthood and the lay state are not in competition with one another. In fact, the power struggle that has been framed for the last 60 years is in direct violation of Christ’s call to serve as He did when He washed His disciples’ feet and laid down His life on the Cross. Christ doesn’t grasp at worldly power; sinners do. Priests are called to be fully conformed to the Eternal High Priest, which means they are the ones called to show us how to follow and become like our Crucified Lord.
When the laity reduces the priesthood to a life choice that is the same as choosing a career, it is clear that we have lost an understanding of the profound gift and weightiness of the priesthood. We lack reverence for both Christ and the priesthood. What we should be offering priests who leave is our prayers. We should not play into their desire for self-gratification and confirmation. These men should not be causing even deeper scandal by publicly seeking support for their decision to abandon their promises or vows, especially when an illicit relationship is involved. We should be encouraging them to repent and return to the Lord through Confession and prayer.
Many of these men leave the Faith altogether, which is a great tragedy that places their souls at risk. We do great harm when we encourage them without considering the eternal consequences at stake. We also undermine the sacred dignity of the priesthood and hurt the priests who remain faithful to their priestly vocation when we downplay the gravity of the situation and give into superficial sentimentality. We must find a balance between mercy and reverencing the sacred dignity of the priesthood.
When a priest leaves, we should also examine our own understanding of vocation as the laity. Do we grasp that we are called to be crucified for our spouse and our children? Do we understand that our spouse and our children are not there for our own personal gratification and fulfillment? Blessings and a sense of fulfillment can result from our self-emptying love, but it cannot be the grounding force and reason for our vocation. To do so is a form of selfish egotism. Joy only comes from a total surrender to Christ’s plan, not our own.
When marriages fall apart, do we understand what a tragedy it is for everyone involved, or are we a part of the culture that supports a throwaway view of marriage? Too much of the culture has infiltrated the Church which is causing a widespread vocational crisis across all vocations. We no longer understand fully the call we have been given by Christ.
It is always a tragedy when a man leaves the priesthood or a marriage falls apart. We should be seeking to put on the mind of Christ, not the world. Sentimental mantras lead souls astray and even place them in danger. Instead, we must seek to walk the fine line between mercy and a reverence for vocational calls. Both holy orders and holy matrimony are sacred callings from Christ, but there is an extra level of reverence for the priesthood due to the high calling to be conformed to Christ the Eternal Priest. The priest is called to become another Christ in a higher supernatural order, so that he can lead the rest of us to heaven through his example.
When men leave the priesthood, we must walk alongside them in truth, love, and mercy. We must always seek to bring them back to Christ, even if they never return to the altar and choose to be laymen. Walking alongside them requires patience and perseverance. One thing we should never do is undermine the sacred calling of the priesthood for the sake of erroneous mantras grounded in the shifting sands of emotion and sentimentality. A priest’s happiness is found solely in the measure he surrenders to his priestly calling and identity, not in illicit relationships or self-fulfillment quests.
The priesthood is a beautiful gift and calling from God. The men who answer this call need our support to fully surrendering everything to God. They need us to encourage them to lay down their lives for their Bride the Church. They need us to help them along the Way of the Cross and to surround them with our prayers and sacrifices. We do them a great injustice when we encourage them to turn from the path, which can put our own souls at risk. It is not loving to enable social media posts from priests publicly seeking approval when they leave the priesthood. It’s the opposite.
For those who have fallen away, we must encourage them to fulfill the promises or vows they made by encouraging them to return to the altar, or if they choose laicization, to go to Confession in order to repent of violating their promises/vows and the great scandal they caused thousands of souls so that they can follow Christ fully in the lay state. Doing so allows us to truly love those who walk away by reverencing the priesthood fully and allowing for mercy during the times men chose the lay state.
It is a tragedy when a priest leaves—not something to be celebrated or encouraged on social media. May the Lord lead all of those priests who have left into His Merciful Heart.
Photo by Marek Studzinski on Unsplash
