When we hear the term “pro-life,” we automatically think of issues such as abortion and euthanasia, since pro-lifers protect life at both ends of the spectrum. However, in order to safeguard these non-negotiables, we need to ensure that the basic family unit of husband, wife, and children is protected throughout society. This signifies that fidelity, both in sexual and spiritual matters, is an essential component of being pro-life by dint of preserving love and care for each member of the family, from the unborn to the sick and elderly. Each spouse is supposed to be lovingly available for the family, at all stages of their lives, thus living up to their marriage vows. Unfortunately, it seems that as marriage vows are broken, adultery, contraception use, abortion, and divorce are not far behind.
The societal erosion of the sacredness of marriage has played a huge role in the dismissive mindset of undervaluing human life. I remember a time when children were considered a blessing in the lives of married couples. This presupposed that marriage itself was considered a benediction in the lives of men and women. The family unit is supposed to be sacred, mirroring the holy family of Mary, Joseph, and Jesus, and has been considered as such for the past two millennia.
However, ever since the so-called sexual revolution some sixty years ago, the sanctity of marriage and family life has taken a backseat to personal satisfaction and sexual expression. Nowadays, getting married is seen as a minor event which can be dismissed by the stroke of a pen; I once heard my cousin’s wife telling him that if things didn’t go swimmingly, they could always get a divorce. It wasn’t a surprise when they did, in fact, go their separate ways a few years later.
Marital fidelity entails both sexual morality and adherence to truth. Both are essential for marriage to thrive. Most people agree that cheating on one’s spouse is immoral. In fact, it is often cited as the reason for divorce or breakups. When sexual morality is not observed, contraception and abortion are very often the results. For example, adultery can lead to an unplanned pregnancy, which in turn can lead to abortion. If both spouses are faithful to each other, they automatically foster a pro-life ambience without even being aware of it.
Infidelity not only affects spouses and children, but it affects the very nature of the family unit. When a spouse cheats, lying will inevitably follow since the instinct is to hide the misdeed. There are many ways to lie: obfuscating the truth, playing with words, omitting important facts, and telling outright bold-faced lies. The lies compound the sin of adultery.
A banal example of lying indirectly is that of a husband telling his wife that he must work an all-nighter with the new boss. He omits to inform her that the new boss is female and that they will be alone in the office all night without any of the other staff members around. If everything is so innocent, why not tell her? The mere fact of hiding this information denotes that he wants to withhold it from his wife for reasons of his own. Hence, lying by omission; he is being deceitful since he omitted a rather important detail. He chose not to tell the whole truth by leaving something out. Sooner or later, the truth will come out, and the decimation of the family unit will start to set in. As soon as there is loss of trust, conflict is almost inevitable.
No one is perfect; there will always be little things that are bothersome between spouses. However, infidelity is a betrayal which is very difficult to forgive and forget. It does not foster love and trust; it has a negative and destructive impact on the family, including psychological and emotional trauma. All these negative feelings are not conducive to living life to the fullest.
According to Catholic tradition, marriage is meant to foster love and life. The love and fidelity between spouses should naturally lead to the begetting of new life. Spouses cooperate with God via procreation. Where there is fidelity, there is life, and where there are trust, truth, and openness to life, there is a thriving, united marriage.
One of my uncles and his wife had six children: one boy and five girls. So when they came for visits in my early childhood, I had plenty of cousins to play with. To everyone’s surprise, his wife underwent tubal ligation, thus setting up a permanent barrier to having more children. Within a few years, their marriage deteriorated, and they separated. I have known many couples whose marriage was negatively impacted by the use of artificial contraception methods. It oftentimes leads to indifference, isolationism, or adultery, which in turn breaks down the marriage and domestic life.
It is not only a lack of fidelity which has become prevalent, but traditional gender roles have also gone by the wayside. In addition to being a teacher and a writer, I love being a wife and homemaker. My mother taught me from an early age how to cook and bake and keep the house clean. She taught me the importance of budgets and being a careful shopper. She instructed me on the importance of admitting one’s faults, asking for forgiveness, and making amends. She taught me how to be compassionate and caring for others. I am not interested in feminism or in competing with men. I embrace being a woman who cares for her family and her home. I feel that I am made for this, and I accept it as a gift. Together with marital fidelity, it goes a long way in solidifying my marriage.
Let us therefore accept and celebrate the sacredness of marriage and the gift of children. Preserving the inviolability of one’s marriage vows and embracing family life is indeed the cornerstone of a culture of life. May God bless all families.
Photo by Marius Muresan on Unsplash
