A young couple who attends Mass with their four children every Sunday recently received a letter from an anonymous parishioner complaining about the distraction their little ones were causing during the liturgy.
Sounds of Life
What a shame. Wasn't it Christ Himself who said, “Let the children come to me, and do not hinder them; for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven” (Mt. 19:14)?
I know the young family who received the note. In fact, I've never witnessed, in the years I've sat behind this family, any tantrum, outburst, or distracting behavior from their children. Occasionally, one of their young may cry out or need a bathroom break that won't wait, but the mother or father always leaves quietly and with little notice.
In my view, either the anonymous writer targeted the wrong family, is super-sensitive to any disturbance, or perhaps was just having a bad day and yearned for an hour of solitude and serenity spent with the Lord. Even so, Sunday Mass is not meant to be a solo service or personal retreat, but a liturgy involving the entire Church community — including children.
Christians are called to be people of charity, faith, and joy. If we don't welcome and celebrate God's precious gift of new life — with the occasional outburst — who will? After all, each little baby is made in God's own image and likeness and is part of His perfect plan.
Certainly children are not welcomed and cherished by those who champion the “right” to legal abortion, which claims the lives of nearly 4,400 babies each day.
Don't get me wrong, I'm all for keeping church pews as prayerful and peaceable as possible and I get as agitated as the anonymous writer when I see parents of small children who do absolutely nothing while their young are acting up and out of control. Frankly, I have to do all I can to keep myself from going over and offering them parenting tips! But there are times, despite every effort and preparation, when a little one's outburst or crankiness can't be helped.
Been There, Done That
I've probably spent more time than most parents standing in vestibules or sacristies, rocking fussy infants or calming antsy toddlers. For many of our colicky newborns, the only thing that seemed to keep them quiet was motion, which meant I often made a quick exit from our normal front row pew and walked or rocked them through the remainder of the service.
Yet, John and I came to understand the importance of attending Mass together as a family. We realized that the most important lesson of faith we can instill in our children is not what we tell them, but what they see. In that regard, I am convinced that the most powerful witness a child can see is his or her parents kneeling in prayer — especially the father— who shows by his actions a reverence and awe for a heavenly Father who is greater and more powerful than he!
As for those of us who have no small children to care for, let us praise God for the gift these little ones and their families are to our community. And let us pray especially for them and for those in our world who have lost their sense of the miraculous and are blind to the gift God has placed in our presence — some of whom are only inches tall and yet have a set of lungs that could match an opera star!
Here are some practical tips that helped us get through some of those difficult periods when our children were small:
Preparation, Practice and Patience
Be prepared for baby's needs. If you are bringing an infant to church, bring bottles, pacifier, diapers, and a bib. For the nursing mom — put away those one-piece dresses and wear shirts and tops that can be easily adjusted for nursing. Find a chair in the back of the church or in a separate room if feeding time is a noticeable disruption. For the restless infant or small toddler, a selection of small toys (minus the rattles and noisemakers) are appropriate time-passers.
Prepare preschoolers. Making sure your children have a good breakfast and always going to the bathroom just before leaving home keeps disruptions to a minimum. Some youngsters fuss simply because they are hungry. As for the bathroom, don't risk “waiting.” When in doubt, take them out! Some children truly can't wait one more minute.
Wear your Sunday best. Children learn the importance of an occasion by the way we dress and prepare. Sunday clothes don't have to be new and expensive, but they should be something special — giving an added meaning to whom we are coming to visit. Teens and young adults may need to be reminded of the importance of modesty — especially when coming to Church. Sadly, many parishes have found it necessary to post signs in vestibules or in church bulletins stating: “No shorts, halter, or sleeveless tops.”
Sit up front. Most children behave better when they are seated near the front and can see the altar and priest. Remember, their view is limited because of their size and when children can't see what's going on, it's far more likely they will be distracted and disruptive. Trust me on this one. Try the front row for six weeks and see if your wriggly youngster is not transformed into a quiet, attentive observer. Of course, there may still be times when parents have no alternative but to remove a cranky kid from the congregation so others may pray in peace. Don't be discouraged. God will bless your effort. St. Augustine once wrote: “The mere intent to pray is a prayer.” Just be sure to offer your morning and attendance at Mass as a prayer and no matter what happens, it is a pleasing gift to God.
Hang in there. Your weekly persistence will eventually pay off. Children are the greatest imitators and soon enough they will kneel and pray just as they see you do.
Bring children's books. Small booklets of faith with colorful pictures and easily understood language are perfect for young churchgoers. Save these items for church use only, so the child will look forward to using them. Or have several selections and rotate their use.
Know what to avoid. Don't bring large dolls, trucks, or noisy, distracting items for children — and that includes food or candy that is messy and sticky. And please, no gum.
Expect good behavior. Children need to learn that there are some occasions during which they must be quiet and refrain from talk or play. This is a good beginning manners and discipline builder. Yes, it takes practice, but even the very young are eager to please and to copy the actions of others — especially their parents and family. Praising a child for good behavior goes a long way for reinforcing the behavior. Insist the child try — but don't expect perfection. Patience and persistence are key!
Encourage your child to participate. Parents should lovingly encourage their young to believe that no prayer is too small and no child too young to get God's attention. It helps if children feel a more active role in what is going on at Mass. The simple act of blessing themselves with holy water, genuflecting, lighting a candle and saying a short prayer for a loved one, or placing the envelope in the collection lets them feel a part of the liturgy.
Make Sunday special. Our Heavenly Father rested on the seventh day and commands us to do the same. It's up to us as parents to let our children know from an early age that God and family come first — especially on Sunday!
Copyright © 2003 LayWitness
Mary Ann Kuharski is a homemaker and mother of 13, six of whom are adopted and of mixed races, most with special needs, the author of several books, and director of PROLIFE ACROSS AMERICA. For more information on Mary Ann's pro-life work, call (612) 781-0410, or fax (612) 781-5031, or visit prolifeacrossamerica.org
This article is reprinted with permission from Lay Witness magazine. Lay Witness is a publication of Catholics United for the Faith, Inc., an international lay apostolate founded in 1968 to support, defend, and advance the efforts of the teaching Church.
