Dear Grace,
After many years of living in an abusive marriage, I happened to meet a wonderful man who showed me what real love is like. I am not in an affair with this man. We are only friends, but I know now that what I have is not a real marriage. Someone said to me once that the Catholic Church would never grant an annulment when there is a third party involved. Is that true and would it apply to me?
Your question leaves many factors missing but there are some things we can clarify. The Catholic Church believes and teaches that the marriage bond has been established by God Himself in such a way that when it is concluded and consummated between two baptized persons, it can never be dissolved, not even by the Church (CCC 1640). In teaching this, the Church is being faithful to Jesus Christ, for it was He who stated quite clearly that marriage is indissoluble when He declared, “What therefore God has joined together, let no man put asunder” (Matthew 19: 6-8).
What you refer to as an annulment is more properly termed a “declaration of nullity” or “decree of invalidity.” This is a better way of expressing it because when we use the word “annul” it implies that we are dissolving something that really existed and that is not what the Church ever means to do. It is unfortunate that sometimes it may look or seem as if a marriage has taken place but in actuality it may have never come into existence at all. Christian marriage is a covenant that is exchanged between a man and a woman, and when it is entered into freely and without anything to block it, then God, who is the author of marriage, seals it with His grace and marriage comes into existence. It is for life and can never be broken.
When the Church declares a marriage null, it means that after a very careful investigation it has determined that some element or factor either prevented the marriage from coming into existence or was missing from the start. In other words, the marriage tribunal will consider what was the situation on the day of the wedding and prior to it. To all who attended the wedding, things may have looked wonderful, but underneath may have been another story.
Meeting another person years later in your marriage will have no bearing in the case, unless that was your sole reason for petitioning. Falling in love with another person can never be grounds for ending a marriage. If, however, it can be proven that your spouse had a serious psychological disorder and a history of physical abuse, which he withheld from you at the time you entered into marriage, then that would be a different matter.
Canon law allows either party to petition for a decree of nullity. Before petitioning, it is usually expected that the couple be civilly divorced. No guarantee can be given to a person who requests an investigation of their marriage whether or not a decree of nullity will be granted. Canon law protects marriage and all marriages are presumed to be valid and binding until death, unless proven otherwise.
Grace MacKinnon is a syndicated columnist and public speaker on Catholic doctrine and teaches in the Diocese of Brownsville, Texas. Her new book Dear Grace: Answers to Questions About the Faith is available in our online store. If you enjoy reading Grace’s column, you will certainly want to have this book, which is a collection of the first two years of “Dear Grace.” Faith questions may be sent to Grace via e-mail at: grace@deargrace.com. You may also visit her online at www.DearGrace.com
