Dear Grace,
Could you please explain why the Church teaches that having sex before marriage is wrong? What is the basis for this teaching?
With the authority given to her by God in Jesus Christ, the Catholic Church has, from the beginning, taught consistently that sexual intercourse “must take place exclusively within marriage. Outside of marriage it always constitutes a grave sin and excludes one from sacramental communion.” (CCC #2390) This teaching we firmly believe comes to us from God, and the Church cannot fail in her responsibility to proclaim this truth. Truth is not something subjective which one accepts only when it feels right or happens to fit our lifestyle. The truth is objective, and it changes for no one.
It is clear from Scripture that God intended for the sexual union between a man and a woman to be total and self-giving: “God blessed them and said to them, ‘Be fruitful and multiply’” (Genesis 1: 28). He made man and woman for each other and created marriage as the bond that would solidify and protect that union and, thus, the human family. God’s plan was that the sexual act be open to life; this is part of marriage, and it is holy and honorable. Generally speaking, a couple with no permanent commitment to each other will not wish their sexual act to be open to life because of the possibility of children, who they may not be committed to raise and care for. Thus, they go against the plan of God when they have sex outside of marriage.
There are people today who would like to have a right to a “trial marriage” where there is an intention of getting married later. No matter how firm the purpose of those who engage in premature sexual relations may be, however, carnal union is morally legitimate only when a definitive community of life between a man and woman has been established. Human love does not tolerate “trial marriages.” It demands a total and definite gift of persons to one another. (CCC #2391)
In his Apostolic Exhortation Familiaris Consortio, John Paul II has provided a clear and powerful summary of the Church’s teaching on this matter. He states that sexuality is by no means something purely biological, but concerns the innermost being of the human person. This total self-giving would be a lie if it were not the sign and fruit of a total personal self-giving. If the person were to withhold something, then by this very fact he or she would not be giving totally.
We know, of course, that when non-married persons engage in sexual acts, there is often no thought given to this total gift of self. Pleasure and self-gratification are at times the motivating force. Every baptized person, however, is called to lead a chaste life in whatever state in life they have chosen. In order to be chaste, one must learn self-control. It is when we can do this that we become truly free. We become who we really are, sons and daughters of the living God. We do not belong to ourselves, but to Him who made us out of love.
The Church is often challenged on this issue of no sex before marriage, but that can never change the truth that must be taught. Jesus too was often challenged, but if He had backed down, then He would not have been crucified and we would not have gained our eternal salvation. Many will ask how it can be wrong when so many are engaging in it. But thousands of wrongs do not make something right. Let us continue to pray to God for the grace and strength to do His will in our lives always.
© Copyright 2004 Grace D. MacKinnon
For permission to reproduce this article, contact Grace MacKinnon at grace@deargrace.com.
Grace MacKinnon is a syndicated columnist and public speaker on Catholic doctrine and teaches in the Diocese of Brownsville, Texas. Her new book Dear Grace: Answers to Questions About the Faith is available in our online store. If you enjoy reading Grace’s column, you will certainly want to have this book, which is a collection of the first two years of “Dear Grace.” Faith questions may be sent to Grace via e-mail at: grace@deargrace.com. You may also visit her online at www.DearGrace.com.
