Jane Kristen Marczewski was just another cancer patient, suffering as so many who go through the ordeal of chemotherapy do, with no end in sight, and very little hope of survival. There were two things that kept her going: her gift of song and her faith in God. But Jane, for all intents and purposes, was a “nobody.” Then one day, Jane did something that forever changed not just her life, but also touched the lives of countless people around the world. Jane auditioned for America’s Got Talent, and from that day forth was known to the world as “Nightbirde.”
So what was so special about Nightbirde’s audition? She indeed had a lovely voice, and she had the creative talent to write her own music—but so did hundreds of other contestants; it was neither of these that made her performance stand out. Nor was it her “tragic” story that made America take pity on her, although indeed hers was an unimaginably difficult life. Nightbirde carried a beautiful smile and shed not a tear when she told her story. There was no hint of self-pity nor hopelessness in her voice, though it was easy to tell this was a woman grounded in the stark reality of her circumstance, as the title of her song, “It’s Ok,” suggested.
At one point, one of the judges commented how amazed he was that she could relate to them the story of her tragic life so openly and peacefully, and then go on to sing with the grace and composure that she did. Her reply to him was simply, “I just realized one day that you can’t wait until everything is perfect in life to decide you’re going to be happy.” In that moment, the judge looked away, both speechless and visibly touched to the core.
Then, something happened, and Nightbirde’s face fell. The judge said, “I don’t have a ‘yes’ for you today.” One could see the crestfallen look in Nightbirde’s eyes; it was evident that she assumed that her performance just was not good enough. But then the judge interjected, “I’m not going to say ‘yes’ because I’m going to do this!” And he sprung out of his seat and pressed the famous “golden buzzer,” an action reserved for the best of the best auditions, signifying that no more auditions would be necessary; the contestant was going straight to Hollywood for the final competition.
Nightbirde won the audition not just for her creative talent, not just for her vocal ability, not just for her touching smile and beautiful countenance, but rather, for her humility. And in an instant, Nightbirde’s expression went from one of disappointment to one of utter elation, and the entire audience—and those who watched her audition streamed across the globe—cheered for her. It was an “amazing” and “astonishing” moment.
What made America unite in such joy for Nightbirde at that moment? For the simple, universal reason that elation comes to us when we first understand what it means to be without. There is no glory if one is already “perfectly happy.” Joy, in this life, can only come when one first experiences pain. Why? Because it is in the pain that we learn the very things that allow joy to enter into our lives: things like humility, gratitude, contentment, love. Nightbirde learned all those things, but the lesson did not come from starting out as a perfectly healthy, famous music star, surrounded by friends and fans who adored her. It came from enduring long-term, relentless illness, abandoned by her husband, and losing everything.
Nightbirde died just eight months after her famous audition on AGT. She died precisely in the way that she had hoped to live: a famous music star, surrounded by people who loved her, offering God’s healing peace to those touched by her life. But Nightbirde’s story, as amazing and astonishing as it is, is not a story about Nightbirde. It is a story about our good and gracious God.
Just like Nightbirde, we too sometimes come to the Lord asking for just a little something to get us through the day. Just enough so we can “get by.” And very often, Jesus says to us, “I’m not going to give you that.” Our response is crushing disappointment. Our response is a downcast soul. But if we are to learn anything from Nightbirde’s story, let us understand this: when God does not answer our prayers in the way we had hoped, it is not because He can’t. If we believe that there is anything that is impossible for Him, then we do not know the Father very well.
A “no” from the Lord means He has so much more planned for us than our small requests. He intends great and mighty miracles for our lives. But unlike the judges on AGT who offer “teasers” for dramatic effect, when God says, “I’m not going to do that for you,” and then makes us wait to see whatever it is He is going to do, it is because “with the Lord one day is like a thousand years and a thousand years like one day” (2 Pt. 3:8); eternally speaking, our wait really is not all that long. In the meantime, Jesus is busy “arranging things,” and we are supposed to be busy working on our trust and patience and perseverance.
In a word, we are to use this time of waiting to prepare our hearts. Prepare our hearts for what though? For love . . . which is what we were made for.
It is true, God could have willed Nightbirde to be cancer-free, and a famous musician fresh out of school. But then, instead of touching tens of thousands of lives, she would have touched but a few. God always, always knows what He is doing, and whatever He sends in our lives is always intended for good. It could not be any other way, after all. God made us for love.
Author’s Note: Excerpt from The Safe Haven: Scriptural Reflections for the Heart and Home (Season of Easter). To purchase, visit Amazon or The Catholic Company, where all other volumes currently in print are also available.
Photo by Ambitious Studio* | Rick Barrett on Unsplash
