Why We Will Lose the Same-Sex Marriage Fight

We are going to lose the same-sex marriage battle.

We’re going to lose because we have cut ourselves loose from the pier a long time ago and are adrift in the sea, with no compass, no sail, no oar, and no food. We lost it back at the Lambeth Conference in 1930, and some decades later with contraception and no-fault divorce.

I’ve read quite a few blog posts, articles, and status updates on this issue, and the one thing I haven’t seen is any sort of reasoned discussion going on at all. And that’s a bad sign, because it means that one or both sides is unable or unwilling to engage in such a dialogue. Instead, the slogan is: if you are against same-sex marriage, you are a vicious person.

Our culture, such as it is, is swayed by sound bites. “If two people love each other, how can that be wrong?” “It’s someone’s right to do what they want, if they love each other. It’s not hurting you is it, so what’s your problem?”

Trying to explain natural law to people who pipe TV directly into their bodies intravenously is an exercise in futility. And most people in our country have IVs in each arm.

Countless Christians are jumping on board too, foolishly thinking that they are fighting for something good like the end to slavery. Here’s the formula:

1. Christian hears a church denigrates person with SSA
2. Christian rightly defends the dignity of that person
3. Christian cannot mentally separate the person from the same-sex act
4. Christian endorses same-sex acts, same-sex marriage

People should be treated with respect and love, no matter the temptations they face or sins they commit. But that doesn’t mean condoning sin.

And as so many others have pointed out, it will not be enough to stay silent when same-sex marriage goes through. You will be compelled to approve of it, or face fines, jail, persecution.

Just ask St. Thomas More whether staying silent will save you when you refuse to compromise your integrity when asked by those in power to condone their evil actions.

I will keep fighting. For the sake of our country, our fellow-man, and my family, but I fully expect us to lose, and lose badly.

Cover Image Credit: bradyallenart.com


Devin is the author of If Protestantism Is True and he blogs at St. Joseph’s Vanguard.

Subscribe to CE
(It's free)

Go to Catholic Exchange homepage

  • I expect us to lose, too, if everyone who is fighting expects us to lose, and lose badly. You are right about the challenges we face, and they are daunting. However, we need to approach those challenges with an eye to overcoming them, not a defeatest attitude. Truth is on our side, and though truth is not highly valued by our culture, people are still rational creatures. I appreciate what you’re saying, but it’s time for all of us to commit ourselves to winning this battle.


  • reina

    I believe the problem is deeper. This is a fierce spiritual war. Spiritual blindness is very pervasive in our culture, even among professed Catholics. It is the pervasiveness of sin (especially sexual sin, both heterosexual and homosexual) that makes it impossible for the Spirit of God to remain and provide wisdom and light. As JPII said in encyclical Gospel of Life….when God is forgotten, man becomes unintelligible. The language of the body becomes confused and disoriented.
    There is no such thing as neutral ground. Either one exists in the truth of God’s word or the domain of evil. The entity of evil is real. This reality has been forgotten or dismissed. This renders the deceiver, the father of lies, with a very powerful stronghold. His fingerprints are everywhere yet many cannot see, thus are even more vulnerable. As Jesus instructed, the only remedy for this is prayer, fasting, repentance. If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble … and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land (2Chronicles7:14) The Blessed Mother continues to repeat this message urgently…pray, fast, turn away from sin. The Father knows how to put a stop to the pervasiveness of sin. His mercy holds back his hand and he waits for us to turn back.

  • Talon

    Devin, there are already 38 states that have a constitutional ban on same sex marriage, only 6 that allow it, and 6 more that still hang in the balance if memory serves. And one of the states that currently allow it (Washington) will be voting on repealing the law in November. While not completely ideal, I’d hardly call that “losing and badly.” Continue the fight until it’s irradicated from all 50 states, but with a little less pessimism as you go, eh?

  • Talon

    Pardon the spelling errors above. Here’s what we REALLY need some help with…


    It’s only 82% because probably 90% of all American Catholics don’t realize what the Church’s teaching on the issue really is and how beautiful NFP is at the same time. If someone would just launch a full-scale effort to advertize…I strongly believe we’d actually gain several converts that way.

    (Something tells me that getting the word out on contraception and NFP would have a positive, if indirect, influence on the gay marriage debate at the same time.)

  • billyo

    Talon, you neglect to note how the leftist media monopoly brainwashes the mushy middle, leading the unwary by their baser instincts, appealing to their concupiscence; the rest of society which is ignorant of the truth and meaning of human sexuality is easily swayed to support practices which are the most corrosive of the foundations of society. (Artificial contraception was once considered a form of sodomy.) The person who has the absolute best handle on full scope of the problem is Dr. Jennifer Roback Morse, who explains that the real object is government control of the definition of parenthood. (The fruit is the cases in which a lesbian former partner can gain custody of a child.) Dr. Morse has a 4-part video series “Same-Sex Marriage: Why Not?” at the Diocese of Sacramento. (Her address at Thomas Aquinas College, Nashville during the February 25-26, 2011 “Life and Love in the Divine Plan” conference was broadcast on EWTN.) Dr. Morse’s home website is the Ruth Institute.

  • John and Talon,

    Thanks for your comments. Firstly let me tell you that I will never stop fighting, evangelizing, and resisting evil (with the help of God’s grace). Also, I do take into consideration the counter points from this recent post: http://www.catholicvote.org/discuss/index.php?p=30229

    I think that the fact that most states have laws for traditional marriage is a great thing, but also stems largely from influence that the traditional understanding still has in most people’s minds, an understanding that is being eroded, especially with young people, who are being conditioned to see same-sex relationships as healthy and normal.

    Perhaps it can be compared to abortion. How many states outlawed or had strict restrictions on abortion prior to 1973’s Roe v. Wade? How many Justices does it take to ditch natural law and favor same-sex “marriage” and overturn every state law in the land? I honestly don’t know the answer to these questions and am asking them.

    God bless!

    P.S. I do agree that it is a spiritual battle as well.

  • Devin, I don’t think we’ve even begun to fight. It’s just getting started. We have the truth on our side, the saints, the sacraments, the Church, and the laity are just beginning to roll up their sleeves to get the work done. A couple of things to remember. If you lived in the 1950’s-1960’s, almost everyone smoked. Who would have thought we’d see mass reductions in cigarette smoking? A sizable factor in turning this around were the number of lawsuits against the tobacco industry. It didn’t happen overnight, but justice prevailed. We now know so much more about the health risks associated with hormonal birth control pills; the lawsuits are continuing and will expand. Couples who practice natural family planning will understand what marriage is. We need more of them! Also, in the 1970’s, everyone thought the Equal Rights Amendment would become law. It didn’t. Be of good cheer!

  • Friends,

    Also note that I intended to put same-sex “marriage” in quotes as it is not marriage at all.


  • R.U.Right

    If we as Christians allow other to define the argument, then yes you are correct, we will lose. But if we frame the argument on MATURITY, simple adult maturity. It’s about understanding the proper adult role of children, marriage, and family. Homosexuality is an immature understanding of the nature of relationships, the nature of male-female relationships. The sexual actions of an individual are separate from the mature male-female relationship. One has to “grow-up” and stop being immature. We the argument is frame on the concept of maturity, we win!

  • chaco

    “Better dead than red (govt. determining Truth). ” The upcoming movie “For Greater Glory” recalls yet another example , of which history is replete with, of a Remnant Church being used to give glory to God’s design. We are living in “Church Militant”, as opposed to Church Triumphant (Heaven), and must learn to LOVE THE FIGHT by knowing that the final victory will be God’s. After 911 it was reported that many pending divorces were dropped or reconsidered. As God “Turns up the Heat” through world events, people become more serious about examining their relationship with their Creator. Turning to “Our Mama” by “Making Reparation/ consoling Her Immaculate Heart (Fatima request) is the “SECRET RECIPE” for us to LOVE THE FIGHT. [Rejoice Queen Mother, your son our God has gone into the depths of darkness & illumined it with the Victory of Divine Mercy. It has penetrated the hardness of our selfish vanity & softened our Hearts into praise & thanks for God (who longs to share His Glorious Love with us).]

  • SolaGratia

    Redefining marriage in order to accomodate the views of a very small minority has ALREADY PROVEN to deprive Americans of their Constitutional rights to free speech & the free practice of religion without govt interference.

    Many people of faith (no, it’s not just Christians who believe that homosexual behavior is offensive to God, but all the major religions of the world) have been fined & jailed, lost their business or job, been legally harrassed – even for words spoken within a church, have been refused their parental right to exempt their children from homosexual proselytizing in school whose goal is to teach kids that their parents are homophobic bigots and that the faith they’re being taught is wrong, too.

    Homosexuals are not being deprived of the rights granted by the Constitution to EVERY American; however, their effort to redefine marriage clearly DOES deny others their most BASIC of Constitutional rights.

    Their legal issues & concerns could be readily addressed by means other than trying to force the rest of us to accept their so nebulous as to be meaningless redefinition of marriage. The fact that they are not pursuing those more easily won solutions makes it pretty clear that it is precisely that effort to force the rest of us to submit our beliefs to theirs that is at the heart of this.

  • Talon


    Sorry, I thought that part about the media’s M.O. was already self-evident. *wink*


    First off, no, I would hope you WOULDN’T ever stop evangelizing or fighting evil. I would just hope that you’d do it with a little less hand-wringing in the case of homosexual unions. As that counterpoint article and I note, there are several reasons to be very optimistic.

    Are we done with the fight at this point? Heck no. Not by a long shot. But the 38 states that I mention all don’t just have “laws” but actual CONSTITUTIONAL AMENDMENTS banning gay “marriage” (and some of them banning all homosexual unions in general) on their books. I’m no poli-sci major, but as far as I know, the only thing more binding than a state’s constitution would be some sort of federal law. (And there’s already a federal Defense of Marriage Act in place – God willing, Romney will replace Obama in another few months and actually enforce it.)

    Pray the rosary for the defeat of these remaining strongholds and we will eventually see victory on all fronts as Mamie alludes to. It has already started in Washington where I (and I’m sure many others) began praying that God would cause the number of individuals who stand against same sex unions to surge. Look what happened next…


    Peace be with you.

  • I’m grateful to everybody participating in this very meaningful debate, but I do think it’s a mistake to characterize Devin’s position as merely “defeatist” or “hand-wringing.” As Christians, we have to accept that there are some battles for justice, morality, freedom, etc. that we simply aren’t going to win. I think that is the point that Devin is making when he brings up St. Thomas More. Thomas More, frankly, lost. He did not defeat King Henry VIII’s schemes; he and everybody on the right side of the battle were executed or driven into hiding. Yes, in the long run, the Church triumphs, but her members living in the here and now may very well, God forbid, have to see our hopes for temporal victories crushed. It’s wise to at least acknowledge that, I’d say.

    Either way, I think we all agree that we aren’t going to just capitulate! God bless.

  • Adrian

    Even after a stunning series of miracles that liberated the chosen people they chose to craft and worship a false idol. Have we evolved to higher state than our Mosaic predecessors? In one way, inter alia, I suspect that God thinks we’re charmingly cute in our idiocy. I’m told that He loves His children despite our sins. Faith, prayer, works, Love.

  • Doc Kimble

    Barbarians have been at the gates of civilizations since civilizations were first formed, and now Barbarians rule over us. We need to expose the tactics of the enemy to get anywhere in this action. This is basically a public relations problem. It is a strategy outlined in Kirk & Madsen’s “After the Ball.” The social media must replace the MSM as the news source for Americans, or, yes we will lose in the long run even more than we have already, because, as I stated above, we are NOW being ruled by Barbarians. And it doesn’t look like the political process will get rid of them.

    It looks like the attention spans and intelligence levels of most Americans is about that of a 12 year old. In fact, one of the tactics of the enemy is to dumb us down to that of a 12 yr old, as well as pound “PC” into the soft brains of two generations of Americans.

    So, we should “reverse engineer” the process, by aiming our PR efforts at the 12 yr olds, and we will “hit” the adults that have been dumbed down in the process. Best way to do that is to pray the Family Rosary. Mary was a young virgin, and she was able to grasp the concepts of salvation better than anyone before or since. Just my 2 cents.

  • Doc Kimble

    This article captures the historical moment we’re living in

  • There are several places to look for reasoned arguments for real marriage.
    One is the USCCB web site.  Another is at the Catholics for the Common Good web site:  www.ccgaction.org. Former Yale economist, Dr. Jennifer Roback Morse has founded the Ruth Institute and has ably defended marriage on her web site and in TV and radio interviews. The short version is that marriage is not about adults’ rights, but it is the only institution that defends children’s rights to know and be known by their mother and father. To redefine marriage is to deprive children of that essential legal protection.

  • This article is lacking in the theological virtue of hope.  What is the purpose of fighting for our country, man, and the family if it is pre-determined that we are going to lose.  With God nothing is impossible and it is our job as Catholic Christians to bring the truth of the gift of marriage to our culture and world.  We must fight as if we are going to win because we have almighty God, and all the Angels and Saints fighting for us.  To truly be in love with God means joy, vigor, enthusiasm and the virtue of hope should permeate our being.   “But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar
    on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk
    and not be faint.” Isaiah 40:31  

  • Mrs. J

    Marriage is a HOLY covenant before God and many have lost sight of that. Instead they room together to see “if its’ going to work out”. What does that mean? It means that instead of fighting for your spouse whether richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, you choose to walk out of the door and not return and move onto the next person. The purpose of marriage is create children the natural way, and as God puts it between a man and a woman. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall cleave to his wife and the two shall become one. Male and female he created them. Its so simple to understand but so hard for millions to accept. They say that there is no book on marriage but Im here to tell you that the Bible is the book not just for marriage, but for relationships, cleanliness, proper foods, and especially homosexuality. God is not vague. He is very specific when he says do not sleep with other men. Women do not sleep with other women. It is an abomination. Does the Lord love the homosexual less – no. He loves the person and greatly disapproves the act or the thought of. We just might lose that fight and the only way God can restore things is to start clean and fresh. The same way he got rid of the city of Sodom, he will do it again.

  • questioveritas

    See the following for information on this and related issues; includes concise 2-page background briefs with links to cited references:

  • sumatra

    if there is a majority of idiots who are for same sex-marriage because of their ignorance then of course we will loose. It is common sense. No matter how much Jesus prayed to avoid the suffering he had to face he was still crucified…

  • Annevan Tilburg

    Dear Sir

    The reason we could lose the battle is because marriage is so misunderstood.
    Marriage comes from the Latin word “Maritus” and Marita meaning “Husband and Wife”. The English word Marriage is closely related to the Latin word “Matrimonium” which literally means “the making if a mother.”
    What is going on at the moment is to redefine the word marriage, but the institution of marriage can never be changed. Of course the Latin words will also have to be changed or to be done away with. That might not be so easy!

  • guest

    Oh fuck off. You are going to lose the same sex marriage battle because it’s about time it happens, not because the people who support this are deluded.