by Jonathan Hunter-Kilmer
when I say no
whatever it is
try not to feel guilty
with my drooping lids
and think that the answer they wanted to get
would get us in trouble
the patient is left
to breathe on her own
if the vent should break down
or choke on her spit
then gag, eyes close and drown
or asleep I'd not notice
the back of a car
or changes of lane
or an exit too far
the thoughts You direct
I can handle asleep
or while vomiting, feverish
bloodied, sweat seep
but if I must be careful
of what my hands do
my mind must be present
I have to think through
but the guilt
and the image
of that one in pain
and the parents so frightened
and tired
it's vain
to believe that I can't be replaced for a bit
if it's something to do
someone else will just fit
but the place that I must take
and cannot eschew
is a sliver of cross
passion made me for You
