Just when you thought reality shows had little to do with reality, A&E brings us God or the Girl?, a reality show about four young men discerning the call to the priesthood.
Refreshing Normalcy
The series, which airs on Easter Sunday, follows four twenty-somethings, Mike, Steve, Joe, and Dan. The men don’t know each other and live in different parts of the United States. They also come from different backgrounds and have very different lives, although all appear to have grown up in Catholic families — long recognized by the Church as the seedbed of vocations, including clerical and religious.
Perhaps the most refreshing thing about the five-part series is the normalcy. And, although the producers themselves are not Catholic, they are able to tell the stories of these four without imposing an outside agenda or editing for ratings. In fact, this could be the first mainstream media production that shows people praying outside an abortion clinic as sincere and normal, not misplaced inmates of a mental institution.
Dan lives in a sort of Catholic fraternity at Ohio State campus. They call themselves a brotherhood. They even go to strip clubs…to pray outside. While it may sound odd from some perspectives, the show invites you into their perspective where prayer and living one’s faith is normal because it’s so sincere and honest. It’s about God, not about them.
Contrary to secular wisdom which suggests only men who can’t get dates and real jobs become priests, the show makes clear that, if anything, these men have too many options. If they choose the priesthood, it is because it is first in their lives.
And gradually, the men each come to understand that there are different senses of family and fatherhood that correspond with the spousal aspect of the priestly vocation. Steve goes to Guatemala to do missionary work. There he meets Fr. George, an Indian priest who came to Guatemala 37 years before. Serving 60 remote jungle villages, he counts them all as family and displays a fatherly concern and responsibility for them. When Steve relates his uneasiness at being able to repay the villagers for the food and hospitality he has received, Fr. George answers like a true father and husband, “You have only one thing to offer them — your life.”
Commitment, Clarity, Love
Like most of us in the 20-40 age range, each of the men seems to have displayed some problems with commitment. Most of us have been taught not to commit to anything until we’re a hundred percent sure. Sure of what? That our hearts will never be broken? That we will never be disappointed? That we will never feel discouragement or, worse, despair?
C.S. Lewis, commenting on the question of love, remarked, “Love anything and your heart will surely be broken.” He explained that the only place the heart cannot be broken is in hell, where it is locked up and cannot love.
But with this show, each of the men is taking upon himself the responsibility of making a decision. Each clearly articulates that this means discerning what God’s will is for him. It means listening while praying and living. But even after they make this decision, theirs, like all our lives, will still be an ongoing process of discerning God’s will in the here and now. The decision to become a priest, as in the case of marriage, doesn’t mean that everything is set for life. It is merely the clarity that one’s cross will follow a particular path, that loving God will happen, either through and with a natural spouse, or through and with a supernatural spouse.
Joe attended seminary after high school and has been thinking about a priestly vocation for ten years. As he puts it, there are two boats in the harbor. One is marked “priesthood and celibacy,” the other “marriage and family.” To use his analogy, the choice at this point is simply which boat to board. Where the boat goes, what storms it faces, what fate awaits, are all unknown.
Choosing Peace with God
As the men tell their stories individually, it’s clear that they’re looking for peace and happiness. It’s also clear that they know that can only come with the knowledge that one is doing God’s will.
When these men make their decisions, if they decide on the priesthood, it won’t be because things didn’t work out with a particular girl. Yes, the show includes the “romance” aspect. They’re also sorting through the pressures of the expectations of others — family and priests.
At least one of the men will decide not to enter the seminary. He says, “I’m happy. I’m not letting God down.” This again enforces the sense of normalcy in the show. Many men work through the discernment process. The successful completion of the process doesn’t necessarily mean entering the seminary. It means making a decision one way or the other. It’s a decision about which way God is calling one’s self to Him. Married, priest, single, He wants each of us.
God or the Girl? is made for a secular audience; so it starts with what seems obvious in the decision to become a priest — are you giving up the girl? In fact, for a man who has confidently chosen the priesthood, it’s not about what he has given up. It’s about what he has chosen. As a priest, he will be an alter Christus (another Christ) and he is called to love the Church as Christ did, that is, as a groom. At the end of the day, each of the men in the series is simply making a decision about who the love of his life will be.
© Copyright 2006 Catholic Exchange
Pia de Solenni is a theologian. She writes from Washington, DC.
