My compassion for women considering abortion has grown dramatically in the last three months. For the first time, I actually know what it feels like to be pregnant: I feel like my body has been hijacked. It's not entirely pleasant, especially during this first trimester, when most abortions occur.
Nonetheless, I'm excited about being pregnant. My husband and I are looking forward to having a family, and I'm grateful God chose me to be a mother. I also rejoice in the presence of a miraculous, beautiful new life developing inside my body. Plus, I know the experience of maternal self-sacrifice can help me grow in holiness. That knowledge is especially helpful in this early stage of motherhood which is almost pure sacrifice.
At this point, my pregnancy brings only nausea, fatigue, sleepless nights, indigestion, hunger pains, mood swings, distractions from work, looming apprehension about labor, and, truth be told, frequent trips to the bathroom, embarrassing flatulence, a disgusting aftertaste no matter what I eat or drink, and the cacophony of an uninvited burping chorus following every meal. As of yet, I can't feel this little person moving around, I'm not big enough to wear cute maternity clothes, I haven't had my 20 week ultrasound, and I don't feel any of the legendary glow and glamour of an obviously pregnant woman.
Now, I've got my list of bright spots to counteract these trials. But suppose I didn't. Suppose I didn't want to be a mom, didn't feel chosen by God, didn't understand the miracle of new life, and didn't know the value of self-giving. What if the physical suffering of pregnancy was also coupled with humiliation, guilt, social scorn, and possible rejection from parents or husband or boyfriend? It must take a lot of virtue to resist the temptation of abortion in the midst of a pregnancy that feels so miserable.
"Why doesn't she just choose adoption?" I used to wonder, in all honesty. As if pregnancy and childbirth were non-issues, a veritable dream state from which women blissfully awake nine months later. Now I suddenly realize that abortion decisions are often being made by nauseous women who are physically exhausted, not to mention pressured, isolated and afraid. These are horrible circumstances in which to make a life and death decision. No wonder there are (at least) 4100 tragic decisions made every day in the United States alone.
So what can we do to help? We can acknowledge and proclaim that pregnancy is hard work, but perhaps the most productive work anyone can ever do. A pregnant woman is providing all the raw materials to "produce" a seven pound infant from a microscopic human embryo. This stage of motherhood is a monumental undertaking worthy of honor and praise, not a disease to be endured or "cured". We can look for ways to applaud the strength, perseverance and productivity of pregnant mothers, not just mothers on the other side of the finish line.
One way of doing this is to affirm mothers whose pregnancy nurtured the life of a child, now in heaven, whom they lost to miscarriage. Pretending miscarriage somehow cancels out maternity doesn't help. And, by the way, neither does the practice of keeping pregnancy quiet until the second trimester. We're used to the pro-life slogan, "Life begins at conception." Can we make a point of reminding people that motherhood begins at conception, too?
Another way to help the cause is to reach out to newly-pregnant women. A biweekly call, a care package of saltines and Sprite with suggestions for avoiding nausea, a note of affirmation and encouragement, an experienced mom's testimony of the misery of morning sickness and the joy of motherhood, a hot dinner delivered to the door or at least a pint of pickle flavored ice cream, these simple things could go a long way in alleviating the trials of the first three months of motherhood.
