The Big Same Sex Marriage Lie

liarSame-sex marriage will never be widely accepted in America for a simple reason: It’s based on a lie. But don’t take my word on this; leading LGBT scholars and activists say as much.

Take Masha Gessen, acclaimed author and former Russian director of Radio Liberty. “Fighting for gay marriage generally involves lying about what we are going to do with marriage when we get there — because we lie that the institution of marriage is not going to change,” Gessen said last year.

Last month, I was part of a debate at the NYU School of Law at which Judith Stacey, a sociology professor at the university, declared: “Children certainly do not need both a mother and a father.”

Stacey went on to suggest that three parents might be better than two. In fact, while asserting she is in favor of same-sex marriage because of “equal justice,” Stacey admitted she isn’t a fan of marriage. “Why should there be marriage at all?” she asked.

I pointed out that marriage exists, and the government takes an interest in marriage because the sexual union of a man and woman produces children — and children need both a mom and a dad.

I quoted President Obama making a closely related point:

“We know the statistics — that children who grow up without a father are five times more likely to live in poverty and commit crime; nine times more likely to drop out of schools and 20 times more likely to end up in prison. They are more likely to have behavioral problems, or run away from home, or become teenage parents themselves. And the foundations of our community are weaker because of it.”

Stacey’s response? President Obama “was deeply misled.” Indeed, “Obama was dead wrong.”

But most Americans know that on this point, Obama is right. Children are better off with both a mother and a father. And marriage is the institution that unites a man and a woman as husband and wife to be father and mother to the children their union produces.

Obama is wrong, though, in his “evolved” thinking that we can redefine marriage to make fathers optional while still insisting that they are essential. This inherent contradiction empowers those who want to weaken the foundation of the nuclear family.

Take Stacey, for example. In congressional testimony against the Defense of Marriage Act, she expressed hope that redefining marriage would give marriage “varied, creative and adaptive contours,” including “small group marriages.”

Stacey was among more than 300 scholars and advocates who signed a statement, “Beyond Marriage,” calling for legal recognition of sexual relationships involving more than two partners. During our NYU debate, she asserted that nothing gives the state an interest in monogamy.

The very day of the debate, Slate posted an article headlined “Legalize Polygamy!” The author, Jillian Keenan, argues: “Just like heterosexual marriage is no better or worse than homosexual marriage, marriage between two consenting adults is not inherently more or less ‘correct’ than marriage among three (or four, or six) consenting adults.”

She concludes: “Legalized polygamy in the United States is the constitutional, feminist and sex-positive choice.”

And this is why the marriage redefiners are doomed to fail: Redefinition has no logical stopping point. Its logic leads to the effective elimination of marriage as a legal institution. This will harm women, children and society as a whole.

If we redefine marriage to exclude the norm of men and women complementing each other in (ideally) a lifelong familial bond, Gessen admits, “The institution of marriage is going to change, and it should change . . . I don’t think it should exist.”

What an amazing claim: Radical advocates of same-sex marriage don’t think marriage should exist, at least not as a state-sponsored institution. They think marriage is simply an intense emotional union — whatever sort of interpersonal relationship consenting adults want it to be.

Their victory would leave marriage with no essential features, no fixed core as a social reality. And if marriage has no form and serves no essential purpose, how would society protect the needs of children — the prime victims of our nonmarital sexual culture — without government growing more intrusive and more expensive?

Same-sex marriage rejects the anthropological truth that men and women are different and complementary, the biological fact that reproduction depends on a man and a woman and the social reality that children need both a mother and a father.

In the end, the truth about marriage will win out.


© Daily News, L.P. (New York). Used with permission.

Image credit:


Ryan T. Anderson


Ryan Anderson is the William E. Simon Fellow in Religion and a Free Society at The Heritage Foundation. He is co-author of the book “What Is Marriage? Man and Woman: A Defense.”

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  • WHO KNEW? Homosexual Activists Aim to Destroy Marriage – Hear them admit it in their own words.

  • James H, London

    The truth will out, eventually – but there’s going to be an awful lot of trouble, and some blood, before it does.

  • Flower_Mom

    It’s time for supporters of marriage to begin “lurking” and posting our RATIONAL POV on liberal commentary websites. Change the culture one post at a time! 🙂

  • Lee

    Lets get back to the good old fashion Church wedding when God brings blessings upon us in The Name of The Father, The Son and The Holy Spirit. Keep on praying for the forgiveness of our sins.

  • Agreed….but even further, there will be no sacramental grace given to a same sex marriage to help them flourish and bear fruit!
    Truth, Grace and God-Centered living is the only way to raise Christian children.

  • Eric

    There are other things that should have by now been accepted because they are true: the truth about abortion, if not contraception, and about (heterosexual) divorce hurting kids and society. But all those things are still legal, and all are still widely practiced.
    I think to restore the order that’s the fruit of the virtue of temperance will require the virtue of fortitude: the willingness of individuals to die for the faith and/or the willingness of individuals to die to themselves to be converted to the faith. I do not believe “the truth will prevail on its own.” It has already been obfuscated, buried or suppressed for quite a few decades (or centuries).

  • Dust in the Wind

    Dead on !!! A few years ago I took my daughter to the ER to have her arm looked at. I struck up a conversation with the X-ray tech. She had been in the military and had seven children by seven different men. Each of whom she considered her husband at the time, although they were never married. The man she was with at the time she also considered her husband. From there the conversation spiraled into the surreal… Humanity has become completely unhinged…

  • Mary

    It is obvious that the real aim of the radical same sex marriage supporters stretches way beyond their claim to, “equal rights”.
    The quotes from some of these radicals in your article gives a glimpse into the darkness and depravity to which they hope we all descend.
    The complete destruction of the family, marriage, rights of children to know: and to be raised by a father and mother, destruction of faith and morals, neglect and corruption of the young and the persecution of all who dare to oppose them.
    If they succeed in the aforementioned goals then children too will be exploited sexually.
    Those who would have no useful role to play in a collapsed society devoid of legal or moral restraint would likely be exterminated.
    For instance: the elderly, disabled and those who are sick.
    We have all been horrified by the number of abortions/ atrocities carried out by the likes of Gosnell and his many cohorts in the slaughter houses which operate under the guises of, “Women’s Health Care Facilities”.
    We are so far down the “slippery slope” already that total descent into lawlessness is only awaiting the signatures of radical politicians and activist judges.
    Our collective sloth and political correctness has helped us reach this point.
    We may well suffer the consequences of our inaction in every way imaginable.
    However, the lies, the liars and the father of these will be fully exposed and utterly defeated.
    In the meantime; pray,fast,and know that The Victory is ours.

  • rb

    You are all saved so why do you care so much about saving me. I am fine with how you are and how I am, leave my beliefs alone and I will leave yours alone.

  • Alan Lewis

    Very well said Mr Anderson. I may quote you next time this arguement comes up.

    Keep Up he good work.

  • Lisa Boucher

    The modern industrial world often exhibits a deep denial of natural limits.  The campaign for “homosexual marriage” is rooted in a denial of gender limits.

    The Pope referred to this sort of dysfunction in 2012:

    “People dispute the idea that they have a nature, given by their bodily identity, that serves as a defining element of the human being.  They deny their nature and decide that it is not something previously given to them, but that they make it for themselves….

    Man calls his nature into question.  From now on he is merely spirit and will.  The manipulation of nature, which we deplore today where our environment is concerned, now becomes man’s fundamental choice where he himself is concerned.  From now on there is only the abstract human being, who chooses for himself what his nature is to be.  Man and woman in their created state as complementary versions of what it means to be human are disputed.”

    — Pope Benedict XVI

  • JimmyChonga

    Complete and utter ignorance of the Natural Law. Whenever we get too far afield from the only and proper understanding of our nature as human beings, i.e. as enunciated by St. Thomas Aquinas, we become adrift in a sea of ingnorance-based relativism.

  • Lisa Boucher

    I agree.  Ryan Anderson also speaks well and thinks fast:

  • Sounds like a modern day version of the woman at the well.

  • QuoVadisAnima

    We love you enough to try to stop you from hurting yourself and endangering your immortal soul, but we also respect your dignity as a human being and your right to choose for yourself.

    We have no choice but to draw the line when your beliefs are being forced on the rest of us – even to the point where we are being deprived of our Constitutional rights to free speech (people are being penalized for saying that homosexuality is wrong) and the free practice of our religion (people are being penalized for refusing to facilitate the celebration by two people that they are engaging in a mortal sin and calling it marriage). Furthermore, our children are being taught in public school with our tax dollars that homosexuality is fine and therefore sending the message that what their Church and parents are teaching them is wrong & bigoted. That’s not exactly leaving us alone.


  • Neil

    This battle is lost, and with it, Western Civilization. We are entering a New Dark Ages. Like the medieval monks before us, we must preserve the treasures of the Gospel any way we can, until a new civilization rises from the ruins. Luther, Calvin, Knox, where are you now that we need you so badly!

  • I know a gay couple that have four kids…..They had a surrogate mom birth them. As more people admit that they have gay friends, sons, daughters, brothers and sisters, the less resistance there will be. Yeah, there are gay extremists just like there those anti-gay folk who see nothing wrong by beating and killing that Matthew Shepherd in Wyoming, But the marriage of two 70 yr old women does not threaten my 10 year old marriage one bit.

  • The person Dust in the Wind described does far more to hurt the institution of marriage that the gay couple down the street who have been together about 15 years.

  • The truth about marriage will win out IF we do not stay silent and are courageous enough to defend it no matter the cost.

  • I agree that once we start redefining legally recognized marriage it does become a slippery slope of what is next. That being said, this article makes assumptions that these few negative examples are the normal for all gay people (or those who support marriage equality). First the assumption is made that two gay parents (male or female) cannot be as good of parents as two straight parents. It then quotes statistics about single family households to validate the point. However, this statistic is not valid in this argument because in theory there actually would be two parents raising children. Also the American Psychological Association states that the statistics of gay parents raising children and straight parents raising children are about the same when it comes to the level of crime, education, etc.. of the children. Secondly it assumes that all gay people want to engage in mass orgies because a few supporters of marriage equality say they wouldn’t mind that legalization too. Assuming this stereotype is like saying all Christians hate the United States because Westboro Baptist does. Most gay couples that want recognition of marriage are not wanting to engage in mass orgies, they simply want one gay partner to live and have the same legal benefits with. They want everything the same way that I enjoy with my wife. The last point is that there is absolutely no legal reason to prohibit same sex marriage, outside of theological arguments Since we do not live in a theocracy but in a democracy, there is no legal ground to oppose marriage equality.
    And even though I disagree with polygamy lets just open this can of worms. Why not? I mean Abraham, Jacob, David, Solomon, and many others had multiple wives? So why is one or two verses about homosexuality more important than the multiple scriptural references of polygamy.
    I would also like to point out that Christ says he who is without sin cast the first stone… so all of those who are so quick to point out the speck of dust in their brothers eyes, are you really saying that you have no sin in your lives?

  • I have to disagree with that. Changing the pattern of family units has repercussions across the board. It might not cause you to split up with your spouse, but what does it tell our kids when marriage goes from something specific to nothing at all? Gay marriage will be to the family as the Patriot Act is to the fourth amendment.

  • True, all too often we let the crazies post for us, like the liberal crazies post in their behalf on these forums.

  • Jennifer Martin

    This is a lot of bull. I have two lesbian friends who are married with children, the children don’t have a father but my friends take care that they have male friends in their life. Also my lesbian friends have both a good income and I doubt that their kids will end up on the street or are prone to crime. Homosexual couples think a lot more about having children than heterosexual couples because it is such a big deal to them. Also, why deny them the right to marry? All these people here talking about love and stuff, I bet there is no one who actually befriends homosexuals. They only get beaten over the head. Why is it such an important topic to you when you don’t even have friends who are actually effected by marriage? Don’t you have other things to do e.g. sharing the gospel in love?

  • I can’t wait for these LGBTs to make their sinful arguments before God. What will they be able to say when He asks why they have sinned against Him and His Word. What will they say when He says “depart from me for I never knew you.” God will be their judge.

  • m p


  • m p

    Whats bull is your lesbian friends thinking that they are “married”, Trust me, in God’s eyes they are NOT!

  • Jackie

    Y’all are fucking nuts.

  • Miller

    Matthew Shepherd was killed for the money in his wallet. He just so happened to be gay and the media blew that story all out of proportion to perpetuate the myth that gay people are being slaughtered and therefore deserve protected (forced) status as a minority group.

  • janet

    Mountains are eroding. Sea levels rising as glaciers melts. Climate change is heating the earth. The rich are getting richer, while poor are getting poorer.

    All this happened before the same sex marriage argument!

    I’m Catholic all the way, and I’m sure no gay or lesbians are expecting to be married in a church of any denomination. As far as parenting goes, my husband’s niece had two children before the age of 21 years of age(you read that right)and she never bothered to marry her boyfriend(now baby daddy). At the age of 34, she had her 3rd child, and again never bothered to marry the father. Three children with two different men! I have known way too many people(good and bad)who’s childrens’ fathers are not in the picture. I really don’t know why; I think it’s because they think they can raise a child stronger and more independent if it’s just Mom in the picture.

    As far as gays and lesbians raising children; let them try. Probably have the same outcome!

  • Interesting that you presume to know the mind of God and His future judgments.

    The fact that you are so eagerly awaiting the punishment of people who just happen to find the love of the their life with the same equipment as their own only shows how much hate has taken root inside yourself, and hate cannot coexist with love, especially God’s love, inside the same heart. Your given name, at this time, seems to be a lie. It pains me to think that, in your time on this planet, you have most likely left in your wake more sadness, misery, and pain than happiness, (true) joy, and love. With the words you have put forth, there is little doubt that you perversely delight in the misfortune of others, which places you quite far from God yourself. Your words are not of one trying to “save” me, and you make no effort to appear as such. You seem to want to see people burn because you decided that this “sin” was not only an affront to God, but an affront to you. You are not that important. You are not God. Being a Christian while being certain that you can enjoy gloating over others is very disturbing and very disappointing.

    I say these things not to judge, but to help you realize what is important. I would love nothing more than for you to be happy and to share God’s gifts/tools/evidence of himself in the forms of love, compassion, and goodwill.

    To conclude, my argument will be simple: “I am how you made me, and I
    spent my time on this earth trying to make it a better place by sharing your gifts.”

    I truly fear that if you continue down your current path with the hate that possesses you, God may admit that he “never knew you”.

    I pray that that does not happen to you.

    I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

  • PJC

    LOL @ “rational”. Like these below?

  • That Was Then

    When a society allows no-fault divorce, the institution of marriage has already been gravely weakened. That has done much more damage than allowing marriage for the miniscule gay population.

  • ElrondPA

    Starting from the end here: Jesus said in the same passage: “Go and sin no more.” He wasn’t promoting libertinism; he was calling out self-righteousness, not to mention entrapment (the text makes clear that the real purpose was an attack on Jesus, with the woman simply as a prop). All of us are sinners, but most of us who are Christians aren’t promoting sin as something good.

    Not every gay person is an orgy-lover. Yet gay-friendly publications have reported that 50-75% of gays in “committed” relationships have other sexual partners, often with the permission of their partner. That’s extremely different from the norms of heterosexual marriage (“open marriages” exist, but are highly unusual). And it is well documented that gays on average have considerably more sexual partners (and are far more likely to have extreme numbers of sexual partners).

    No one is saying that a particular gay or lesbian couple might not be as good at parenting as a particular heterosexual couple. But to believe that there is no difference is to pretend that men and women are interchangeable. That is simply, demonstrably false. Ask any heterosexual, married couple with children (or their children): the way a mother interacts with her children is not the way a father interacts. Boys learn about becoming men from their fathers; they also learn about interacting with women from their mothers. Outside friends of parents, while valuable, aren’t the same thing. Some kids will handle the loss reasonably well (be they children of gay couples or of single parents); others will not. One of the fundamental purposes of marriage is to provide a stable, healthy environment to raise children. Trust me, it’s hard enough when everything is working right; why should we as a society encourage malformed families, when we know that statistically they’re more likely to result in problems? (The APA’s statistics are suspect; the APA itself has long been a cheerleader of normalizing homosexuality.)

  • colcarpenter

    The divorce is only part of the problem. The real killer of marriage is remarriage.

    I don’t support gay marriage at all, but you can’t take seriously those people who are outraged by the concept of gay marriage, but say nothing about divorce with remarriage. It seems to me such people are simply showing their hatred of gays more so than their concern for traditional marriage.

  • colcarpenter

    Jennifer, the “children” of your lesbian friends do have a father. Everyone has a father; that’s basic biology. In the case of your lesbian friends they have sadly chosen to intentionally conceive another human being so as to deliberately prohibit that child from ever having a normal loving relationship with his/her natural father. That doesn’t seem like a very loving thing to do. But as we all know; when it comes to feminists and lesbians it’s all about me me me.