Social Media Marriage Killers

Picture the worst fight you’ve ever had with your husband. Now imagine that your best friend is summering in Rome and is unable to talk you down from a ledge and/or lock you out of your various social media accounts. (You have handed over all your passwords, yes? Please tell me you’ve handed over your passwords.)

The stage is set.

The spotlight is on you.

And the world waits with bated breath for you to drop a little marital truth in their lap. Oh yes, long suffering wives, your moment is here.

The only question is whether to bless your followers with this little gem:


Or this one:


Ha. As if. This one has your husband’s number, area code included. Perfecto.


After sharing your heart with your Pinterest peeps, perhaps a little 140-character Twitter slaying is in order? That’ll teach him. And don’t forget Facebook. Facebook most likely contains the highest concentration of his peers. That has “must-do” written all over it.

Hush, you sucker of a conscience. He should have thought twice before adding salt to your already perfectly salted pot roast. How on earth did you end up married to a man with flawed taste buds anyway? The injustice is mind-boggling.

Now I’m not saying you’re not in the right here, you Top Chef you, but before you click pin, tweet, or post, let’s strategize for a moment. Even if something went awry during Marriage Draft week (most likely not true, but for the sake of argument…), the contract is signed, your team is set, and that husband of yours is your teammate. It’s time to go all George S. Patton on your union and remember to:

“Accept the challenges so that you can feel the exhilaration of victory.”

Because as much as you might want to throw your captain overboard and steer this ship yourself, a ship without a crew (and one individual a crew does not make) is doomed. The fact of the matter is that if your not-so-better half goes down, he’s taking you with him.

Now I don’t mean that he’ll necessarily take to social media and accept your invitation to do battle, but with each brilliantly crafted update you’re essentially weakening a union of which you – like it or not in the heat of the moment – are a part of.

Perhaps you’re thinking that he won’t see it anyway? Are you sure? Unless you have a protected account to which he’s not invited (not a good idea, cutie pie) he may occasionally secretly take a peek (being as entranced with you as he surely is). And that grapevine? So not your friend. Honestly, even if he were to never catch wind of your stellar social media performance, it’s out there floating above your marriage and in some mysterious way, silently doing harm to it. I know it sounds crazy, but it’s true.

So, I know: he deserves it, he earned it, and you’re simply trying to blow off a little steam. Maybe you’re even hoping he does catch wind of your social media truth fest and learn a little lesson. I get it. I feel you. All I’m saying is: keep your eye on the prize. You deserve a thriving marriage (in which your pot roast is never criticized) and though it may seem counter-intuitive, a social media rant isn’t going to move you any closer to that goal. Disrespect, deserved or not, is a marriage killer.

An overly-salted pot roast, on the other hand, could go miles. (Wink, wink.)


Image credit:

Hallie Lord


When not corralling her six small children or flirting with her husband, Hallie Lord is a freelance writer and frequent radio guest. Her bestselling book, Style, Sex and Substance, was released in March, 2012. You can find her online at her popular blog, Moxie Wife, where she writes about marriage.

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  • Hardworking husband

    Er, what IS this article about? Stupid cartoon comments about husbands too – an insult to all husbands who work their beanies off keeping their marriages and families afloat. .

  • Husband

    This is pretty funny, and well written I must say, but is it just me or is it always the wives who are putting up with less than perfection? If the point here is not taking your marriage issues to he web, then I get it, but I am tired of the long suffering wives stuff. Works both ways…..

  • catholicexchange

    ‘Hardworking Husband’ and ‘Husband’: You’ve missed the point badly, fellas, and I don’t know how, because the article is not ambiguous. The point is to show how some wives are guilty of tearing down their husbands and marriages by employing tactics like posting those stupid cartoons on social media sites. Many women who do it don’t realize how damaging it is. It is a “what not to do” article for wives everywhere–give it another read and I think you’ll appreciate it.

  • Contrary to the gents who have commented, I love how you eloquently challenge us as women to reach higher in our thought and action towards our spouse. Thank you for this reminder. “the contract is signed, your team is set, and that husband of yours is your teammate. It’s time to go all George S. Patton on your union and remember to:
    ‘Accept the challenges so that you can feel the exhilaration of victory.'”

  • waynergf

    Well, I thought it was very well-written, unique style, witty, and very thought-provoking…for *both* wives *and* husbands! 🙂

  • Lee

    Truly, your serious sentence is the bottom line in any relationship,” Disrespect, deserved or not, is a marriage killer.” It can only destroy the character of the one who is putting the words out there(everywhere), because it is very belittling. It is good to raise one another up rather than tear each other down. This is a true sign of respect.

  • Husband

    I read it again a couple of times and maybe it is the sexist cartoons that don’t add value and distract from an otherwise good point. Would it be OK, if a man wrote a similar article with “women are stupid” cartoons, even though they are just for illustration? Never, it would be disrespectful and politically incorrect. Perhaps you should read it from a different point of view!

  • Lee

    Husband, I think that the use of such cards is very demeaning and disrespectful of men, and I believe that the use of them in this article is to bring to our attention that not only words but pictures are being used by some wives to spout off causing harm to their marriages. This media use is not a joke and it does not lift anyone up, but belittles all. Mutual respect is doing unto others that you would want done for you. This article is to say, “Women, would you want this done to you?”

  • Chandi Owen

    While the overall point of not taking our fights with our spouses to social media is a good one, I agree with Husband! Society portrays men as bumbling idiots so often (TV shows, commercials, and even kids cartoons are proof of this). Shouldn’t a Catholic site be the example to society of loving respect in a marriage covenant? Statements like “not so better half” and “I know he deserves it, he’s earned it” along with the condescending pictures should have been left out. Aren’t we called to follow the golden rule?
    Hallie, I have enjoyed your writing for years and you have been a great encouragement for me to keep the flame in my marriage. I hope you will take my encouragement to show the world that Catholic women think of their husbands as strong and intelligent, not the bumbling idiots that we have to endure life with.

  • vdmt55

    Being married for 32 years I have adopted this technique when I am angry with my husband. I wish I had learned it much earlier, but better late than never. When I am angry with him I repeat “Jesus I praise you and thank you for my husband,” over and over again, and if I can I say it out loud so the devil can hear me!! Then I make a resolution not to complain about my husband to ANYONE, unless I discuss it with a priest in the Sacrament of Confession. The results are, God answers your prayer and the Sacrament of Marriage you both are living is strengthened.

  • Husband

    Chandi, That is exactly what I was trying to say…you just said it better!
    Incidently, I asked my 16 year old to read the article and let me know what she thought (with no prompting) and she didnt like the tone. Interesting.

  • nonnie

    well said! how many times do those husband’s drive us to that DARK place. love the article.

  • neilshog

    As a wife, I agree it certainly does go both ways. What the author is bringing out tho is that women are MUCH more likely than men to share their feelings, good or bad. Unfortunately, it used to be with a really close friend, and if she was a GOOD friend, did not blab around town and did not hold it against your hubby. She realized you were just blowing off steam. But now it’s out there for all the world, thanks to reality shows, talk shows, etc. No sense of privacy for alot of people now. A shame.

  • Husband

    Here it is again……. “those husbands”. What exactly does that mean? Total sexism, and totally inappropriate. ” DARK place”. It seems this is an exclusive place that only a woman can be “put” by a man?
    Can you imagine a man on any forum being allowed to say that?

  • Like flies, man is often attracted to things that taste sweet and smell foul. When we seek chaos to find meaning:

  • Blobee

    I wonder how many infuriating incidents resided in both my mother’s and father’s memories that seemed unbearable at the time, but were published nowhere, except to maybe a close friend, and then only cryptically, that with the passage of time lost their significance and weight, faded and then disappeared. By their old age it seems all they remembered was the sweetness of their 63 years together, although I can remember days they were barely speaking to each other. What seems like venting now can make a mark that never fades.

  • Victoria Havoc

    I agree with Husband, this article was sexist and condescending. I am tired of the media, society, and, most of all, other women making sweeping generalities about the gentlemen and never seeing their viewpoint. It has become totally acceptable for women to bash men, and that is just not acceptable to me. I hate all the little cute winks and grimaces women make when being the long-suffering wife, etc, it is childish and tiresome. Men are right, they are not respected anymore, and that is so sad.

  • Husband

    Thank you Victoria, very well said!

  • catholicexchange

    Beautiful comment–great insight. Thank you.

  • catholicexchange

    But the cartoons are not ends unto themselves, of course. The overall formula being used is solid and oft-employed, i.e.: “1. here’s an example of something that is bad 2. here’s why it is wrong 3. a call to action: don’t do that!” So, yes, definitely, if a man were to submit a similar article following that formula, it would be quite welcome.
    There really is no other “point of view” possible here–again, the article is not ambiguous–it is simply a chastisement of women who post such images about their husbands and a call to be more respectful. Frankly, none of this should even need to be stated to the average person reading this article (and in fact, out of the many thousands of people who read it only you, your wife, your sixteen-year old daughter and a couple of other people have missed the point).