Dear Catholic Exchange,
Our 21-year-old daughter has been with her boyfriend for three years now. She lives at home and is a faithful Catholic. Just recently her boyfriend learned of a great vacation offer to the Bahamas, and he wants her to go along. They would each get their own rooms with the package. He told her to talk to us about it first, which she has, and she will abide by our decision. What would be the moral thing to do in this case? We want to make the right decision and would appreciate any help you can give.
Thank you and God bless you,
Edward and Kathleen
Dear Edward and Kathleen,
Peace in Christ! A trip to the Bahamas is always an enticing prospect and young people tend to focus more on the opportunity of the moment. Yet, the virtues of patience and temperance can help them to defer the possibility of a sunny vacation until a time in which there is no danger to the “integrity of the powers of life and love placed” within them (Catechism, no. 2338). While they may conduct themselves appropriately in such a situation and fully intend to do so, a vacation atmosphere can easily break down the self-mastery already achieved within.
As the Catechism teaches, “The virtue of chastity comes under the cardinal virtue of temperance, which seeks to permeate the passions and appetites of the senses with reason” (no. 2341; original emphasis). Further, “One can never consider [self-mastery] acquired once and for all. It presupposes renewed effort at all stages of life. The effort required can be more intense in certain periods, such as when the personality is being formed during childhood and adolescence” (no. 2342; footnote omitted). Another “more intense” period can be that stage of life when one has become a young adult who is learning to make more decisions independently and exercise additional freedoms prudently.
Catechism no. 2340 refers to the “practice of ascesis adapted to the situations that confront” a person. Your daughter and her boyfriend are confronted with an opportunity for a vacation in the Bahamas, but should consider that “great deals” will be available in the future as well. Now may be the time for the patient “practice of ascesis” (i.e., doing without for the purpose of achieving a greater good).
Though you did not indicate that they are engaged, since they have been together and have cultivated a relationship for a few years, the words of Catechism, no. 2350, are applicable:
Those who are engaged to marry are called to live chastity in continence. They should see in this time of testing a discovery of mutual respect, an apprenticeship in fidelity, and the hope of receiving one another from God. They should reserve for marriage the expressions of affection that belong to married love. They will help each other grow in chastity (original emphasis).
Likewise, together choosing to postpone vacations in the Bahamas until marriage can be an “apprenticeship” in patience. Vacations are fun and exciting, but there will be other times as well. As stated above, they may fully intend to observe chastity and would do so on such a vacation, but taking such a trip alone can provide an occasion for sin that would be better avoided.
If you have further questions on this or would like more information about Catholics United for the Faith, please contact us at 1-800-MY-FAITH (693-2484). Please keep us in your prayers as we endeavor to “support, defend, and advance the efforts of the teaching Church.”
United in the Faith,
David E. Utsler
Information Specialist
Catholics United for the Faith
827 North Fourth Street
Steubenville, OH 43952
800-MY-FAITH (800-693-2484)
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