10. I think all ordinary, decent people are sick and tired of being told that all ordinary, decent people are sick and tired of being told something or other. –John Cleese
9. If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there are men on base. –Dave Barry
8. When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, “Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?” –Quentin Crisp
7. I am not a vegetarian because I love animals. I am a vegetarian because I hate plants. –A. Whitney Brown
6. If the extra terrestrials don't want to be detected, why do they fly around at night with the lights on? –Mark Brumley
5. The salesman I want to meet is the guy who first sold watercress to the restaurants. –J. Berry Weed
4. Things will get better despite our efforts to improve them. –Will Rogers
3. Drive-In banks were established so most of the cars today could visit their real owners. –E. Joseph Cossman
2. An accomplished molehill man will often have his mountain finished before lunch. –Fred Allen
1. Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps. –Emo Phillips
(This list courtesy of Gilbert!, The Magazine of G.K. Chesterton.)
