Pet Craziness

Some people think my husband and I are nuts because we have seven cats and they are all spayed, vaccinated and get regular check-ups. That’s too much money to spend on animals they say. But I think people who invest $149.00 in a cat stroller have gone off the deep end.

Until I found out how much those frivolous things cost, I just assumed that they were for people who substituted pets for children-for fun. I never imagined how much a cat stroller cost. They range in price from $80.00 to $200.00.

I’ve never even spent more than $60.00 on a stroller for children. And how ridiculous! If I took my cats for a walk in a stroller, even in territory they are familiar with, they’d be having a massive panic attack. Can you blame them? What if other cats saw them? They’d be the laughing stock of the neighborhood.

I love animals. I just don’t want to have to compete with them in Costco’s for free samples. It’s bad enough I have to beat off the kids (and not just my own). People carry mini-dogs everywhere. In time, these creatures are going to have nothing but nubs for legs because they just won’t have any use for them any more. They’ll become nothing but paperweights and doorstops.

I wonder if people with accessory dogs hold them over the toilet like some people do babies. Why not? They do everything else for their pets.

My sister had a guinea pig that had a cleaner tushie than some people’s newborns. The little rodent ate more than little green pellets and veggies. He had a sweet tooth for jellybeans. And his mommy wiped his little rodent drool off his chin with a tissue every time, too.

Now she has a chihuahua and it’s the fourth child in her family. That dog is cleaner than my five-year old. It has to be. Her husband bites and sucks on the dog’s ears and the dog doesn’t care. Stupid dog.

When we were growing up, we bought my mom’s terrier a sweater and boots. The poor dog looked like he’d stepped in wet cement when he walked and had to pull each paw straight up as if the floor was sucking each one back down. And such a long-suffering expression, too.

How many cats did I dress in baby clothes when I was a young girl? Cute little frills and bows and a glare that could thaw the polar caps faster than global warming.

We humans can be quite silly when it comes to pets. Don’t tell my husband, but I sometimes dress up our cats when he’s at work. They just wook so cute!

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