Mother’s Day if Money Were No Object

Mother’s day has been celebrated under various forms and names since the time of Greek Goddesses (i.e. my personal favorite, Crisis, Goddess of Domesticity).  In 1872, Mother’s Day was first suggested in the United States by Julia Ward Howe (who wrote the words to the Battle Hymn Of The Republic, so there) as a day dedicated to peace.  Ms. Howe held annual Mother’s Day meetings in Boston.   I’m not sure what was discussed at those meetings, but if a little peace and quiet were on the agenda, I’d have been there, veggie tray in hand.In 1907, Ana Jarvis, Philadelphia, campaigned to establish a national Mother’s Day.  She garnered support from ministers, businessmen, politicians and naturally, petticoat-clad women.  Finally, in 1914, President Woodrow Wilson, God bless him, proclaimed Mother’s Day an annual national holiday.

How incredibly appropriate the first American supporter of Mother’s Day focused on a day dedicated to peace.  When I recently polled average American Mommies in the wine aisle at Super Target and asked, “If money were no object, what would you want for Mother’s Day?”, I found a recurring theme.  For reference, their children’s ages are in parenthesis.

“A new wardrobe with the elastic intact and a peaceful night’s sleep. (9 mos. and 3)

” I’ve wanted diamond earrings — 1 carat for each ear — for the longest time.  Second, a screened-in porch. And an uninterrupted nap. (3 and 5)     

“Diamond Earrings, Diamond Wedding Rings for my husband and me, cleaning service for the house, Paint all of the rooms, New beds for the children, Hybrid SUV and oh yeah, a full day of peace and quiet.” (6, 8, 10, 12, 14, 16 and 18)

“If money were no object, I’d still only want 24 hours with no kids fighting, no cooking, no cleaning, no ‘Mom buts’.  Just a relaxing day of family fun time.”  (Would not divulge ages)

“My name would not be MOM for the day unless I heard this:  ‘Mom, when would you like breakfast in bed?  Mom, would you like Sven the Masseuse to treat you at home or at the spa?  Mom, would you like a refill of your champagne?” And so on. (Okay that was me.)                      

“I’d like to wake up 25 pounds thinner.  Without cellulite, stretch marks, or those funny little lines in-between my eyebrows. What’s up with those?  Oh wait, I know. It’s from scowling at my kids for the last 13 years and their father for 15.  Never mind.  I’d like Botox. And children who don’t bicker.” (11, 12, 13)

“One day alone. In my own house. ” (2, 4, 7)

“First class tickets to Tahiti with my two best girlfriends for a week’s stay at a private No Kids Allowed beach resort.”  (12, 13, 16 and 2 year old twins)

So gentleman, catching the theme here?  Sanity wins out over knick-knacks any day.

Although we’d all look pretty dang hot wearing those diamond earrings….

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