Kate Runs Her Home Calendar Like Retailers

Kate stepped out of the sweltering heat into the cool aisles of Lowes find the gardening tools shelves stripped bare with strange little inventory tags taped about. No chaise lounge cushions or patio tables either. Then she spotted it — that unmistakable gleam of glitter reflecting off the overhead lights. A lone ornament sat anxiously waiting for hundreds of its comrades to join it. She whirled around to see reindeers with rotating heads where the rotating sprinkler heads once were.

No no no. It’s not the Christmas season until Santa rides down the snow covered hill on the Norelco razor. That’s how it was when she was growing up. Now Kate fears her kids think it’s Christmas in August, which is when stores start hawking tinsel and cashmere.

Just that June Kate couldn’t find a swimsuit because space was needed for the leather coats. She feared soon she’d be buying Easter candy at Halloween and Halloween candy in March. The Easter Bunny will need therapy. The leprechauns will have to trade in their little green spring jackets for winter parkas.

Kate wondered what life would be like if she and other Bus Stop Mommies ran households on a retailer’s schedule.

“Hey Mom, I need a poster board tonight for my school project assigned six weeks ago and due tomorrow morning.”

“I’m sorry dear; the Mother’s Union Bylaws won’t allow me to purchase poster board after the official start of the school year. You’ll have to wait until next summer. Or go ask Alexandria’s mommy. She’s a line crosser.”

“Hello Madam, would you buy popcorn to support my Cub Scout Troop?”

“Sorry little boy, my microwave only accepts popcorn packets April, May and June.”

“Hi honey, I’m home. What a rough day at the office. What’s for dinner?”

“Sorry sweetie; dinner was at 2:30. The kids missed it too. We’ll just have to order Chinese delivery.”

“But Mommy, it’s July. Nobody else will be out trick or treating tonight!”

“Well sweetie, the specially marked packages of Halloween candy were on the shelves so it must be time to trick or treat! Come on now, put on your furry mask. A little sweating can be good for you.”

“But Mommy, it’s not Valentine’s Day. The teacher said we had to pass out valentines at our class party. We haven’t even decorated our shoeboxes yet!”

“Well sweetie, the valentines and Sweetheart candies were on sale at Walgreens so now’s as good as time as any. Besides, February’s household budget is limited to buying Easter candy and décor then we’ll of course celebrate the 4th of July in April and oh! That reminds me—did you write your letter to Santa yet?”

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