by Theresa Burke and Leslie Graves
Julie Burchill is an editorial columnist for The Guardian, a large London daily newspaper. In a column earlier this year, she writes about meeting the new baby of a close friend. As she holds the baby, she remembers her five abortions. She also remembers two recent British television shows. These shows had each featured a character who regretted an earlier abortion. Julie wrote:
“Exposure to my friend's breastfeeding, followed by Dot and Sonia's breast-beating, [as they remembered and regretted their abortions] should by rights have launched me into a right royal depression, or at least a bit of 'bittersweet' brooding over my barren terrain. But — and I examined my psyche closely for signs of self-delusion here — all I felt was happy to be home, alone, with my boyfriend.”
Burchill then expresses contempt for those who experience pain after abortion:
“Me-Ism — psychiatry, psychoanalysis, any sort of navel-gazing — has to take part of the blame for the demonisation of abortion. The idea that everything we do or have done to us stays with us forever is a reactionary and self-defeating reading of modern life. No doubt if you're the sort of lumbering, self-obsessed poltroon who believes that seeing Mommy kissing Santa Claus 30 years ago irrevocably marked your life, you wouldn't get over an abortion, as you wouldn't get over stubbing your toe without professional help. But you choose to be that way, because you are weak and vain, and you think your pain is important. Whereas the rest of us know not only that our pain is not important, but that it probably isn't even pain — just too much time on our hands.”
While this quote will anger some, others will recognize in it an echo of their own internal self-criticism. “Why can't I get over this? What is wrong with me? I am weak and vain and obsessed with myself to keep lingering there. If anyone knew I felt this way, they would mock me.”
Painful emotions related to loss and grief can be locked firmly in the mind and memory, suspended in a state of disconnected numbness. Defense mechanisms are employed to help us avoid pain. We also know that individuals can remain paralyzed in one or more of the grief stages for literally decades. Anger, denial, numbness, and bargaining, for example, are ways to avoid the deeper levels of excruciating grief and loss. It is easier for Ms. Burchill, for example to be disgusted and condemning towards those who grieve, seeing them as tiresome and nauseating, while she is so determined NOT to feel.
Who would write the same description denigrating the memorial activities of last week commemorating the broken families and lives lost on September 11th? With dignity, the world watched as we remembered the thousands of lives cut short, the human potential and promise destroyed because of a terrorist regime that believes in killing to solve their problems. Imagine the reaction to Julie Burchill's words if they were regarding the memorials and grief expressed last week. Would anyone dare call such displays of grief “reactionary,” “self-defeating,” “navel gazing” and blame it on the fact that we have too much time on our hands??
On the contrary, we know that by grieving our losses as a community we find strength, compassion and the ingredients of mental health, hope and recovery. Women and men who speak publicly about their abortion experiences have something important to teach us about the freedoms which oppress – and the bitter pain and grief that accompanies a mother's broken heart when her child dies. Those who speak openly about their abortion experiences are courageous individuals – who make themselves vulnerable because they care about others and want to reach out with hope to those who suffer. They also desire to reach out with the truth to those who are making a decision regarding abortion. Finding meaning and purpose in such suffering is not a challenge for the weak and vain – but can only be accomplished by the human spirit who puts aside the natural human tendency to self-absorption to create a coalition of support for victims who suffer and those at risk of losing their children!
It's natural that interacting with a child or listening to a woman on television share about an abortion would surface Julie's own loss. If she gave permission, it could be the event that becomes an open sesame to the vault of buried emotions. But she never enters the cave, content to assure herself of a blissful alone life, misdirecting anger and condemnation towards other post aborted women who grieve to supplant any grief or guilt with a sense of inner superiority.
There appears to be a disturbing collusion by those like Julie Burchill to devalue and discount the growing population of women who grieve the children they have lost to abortion. This involves turning a blind eye to one's own inner feelings of grief and oppression to instead vent those fervent emotions onto safer targets… like women who grieve and don't keep it to themselves.
(This article courtesy of Rachel's Vineyard, a division of American Life League.)
