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Unplugging the Phones
After hitting her brother and being ordered to her bedroom, our six-year-old daughter glared and shouted, “This is America where anyone can do what they want! You can't boss me in America!”
I've read the parenting books, so I knew just how to handle such an outburst. (I think it was in the chapter on “childhood mutiny.”) I quickly burned the phone book so she couldn't find the number for the ACLU. She hadn't declared whether she was liberal or conservative but I wasn't taking any chances.
I unplugged all our telephones, too. I didn't want to be driving down the street listening to Rush Limbaugh and hear my daughter's voice.
A Man's House is His Castle
Daughter: “Mega dittos, Rush. I'm a first-time caller, long-time listener. I'm been sentenced to 62 days in my room for hitting my brother and thought you could tell me if this violates the Bill of Rights?”
El Rushbo: “Sounds like a left-wing conspiracy. I wouldn't be surprised if being sent to your room isn't another Whitewater cover up.”
Actually, the cause of my daughter's newfound patriotism is the American Girl Dolls — more specifically, the books that help sell the dolls. I've been reading her the book about Felicity who lived in Virginia in 1774. Felicity's father owns a store and decides not to sell tea because he believes the King's tax is unjust. Two chapters later — botta bing, botta boom — there's anarchy in our house.
The Declaration of Independence listed about 30 ways that the King of England was depriving colonists of their rights. My daughter's list is much longer.
For instance, it is quite unfair that my daughter must bathe. She finds eating most vegetables morally reprehensible. A set bedtime? Preposterous. Wearing shoes out of doors? Sinful.
I don't mean to curtail her “pursuit of happiness”… wait a minute, that's exactly what I intend. After all, a man's house is his castle, and last time I checked, castles are where kings live. At least my one-year-old daughter is still a loyalist.
The Parents are Coming!
A king can't be too careful, though. I'm on the lookout for revolutionaries. I could have sworn I heard someone yell, “The parents are coming! The parents are coming!” when I came home from work today.
My four-year-old son recently became interested in the Boston Tea party, too. I know I should be excited and support him in his love for history but, instead, I hid all our coffee. We don't drink tea and I don't want to find our bathtub awash in coffee grinds and filters.
Besides, I made him pay for a picture he broke and I think I heard him mumble something about taxation without representation.
