Fat No, Chocolate Yes

I decided to eat healthy. Two hours later I got the results back from a blood test declaring that I am a prime candidate for a heart attack. Is there a better sign that eating healthy is the right direction to go in?

So I cut the fat and cholesterol out of my diet and increased whole grains, veggies, fruits, beans and lentils. This is not a problem for me because I'm not a picky eater and I am happily eating as much as I like from these food groups. That is until the craving hit.

On day six I heard, "C-H-O-C-O-L-A-T-E!" whispered in my ear. I didn't need to look around. I knew no one was there. Women have an organ called a chocopendix. It's a tiny organ located directly between the ovaries. It's practically invisible to the male eye and to those who do not believe women should be stereotyped.

Its purpose is to regulate cacao in the bloodstream. The level of cacao in the bloodstream is determined by the hormonal messages detected from the ovaries. Pre-menses, menses and post-menses states of a woman's body demand certain levels of cacao.

If those levels are not met, then the female brain goes into chocolate arrest. This is when the entire brain shuts down and women resort to a primitive gathering state (as in hunters and gatherers). She must have chocolate. She must stop everything she is doing and seek chocolate. It's that simple, but it can be deadly for those witless males and children in close proximity.

Symptoms of chocolate arrest generally include eyes narrowed to slits, a deep frown and scowl, a pointing finger and rapid aggressive criticism of anyone and everything from all time. Symptoms may also include abrupt bouts of crying and despair creating a mixed state of anger and depression.

At this point the brain induces an audio-hallucination which is what I was experiencing.

 "Chocolate!" My brain screamed at me again.

What could I do? I hurried to the van and drove myself to the store and ran to the ice cream aisle. (See? I'm exercising, too!) I selected a fat free ice cream. Proud of myself, I rushed home and plopped two scoops in a bowl and drowned it in fat free chocolate sauce.

Well, I satisfied two things — my craving for something sweet and cold and my curiosity about "diet ice cream." Is that an oxymoron or what?

I just wonder how long it will be before I desperately start spooning baking cocoa into my mouth in desperation. It's a fine line when balancing cholesterol and cacao levels.

For now the voice is quiet. It's not happy, but it's quiet.

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  • Guest

    For all of us who are engaged in the challenge of eating healthy, chocolate remains a shadowy, dark menace (insert wink here)!  IMO, chocolate is one of God's greatest blessings, designed to refresh the palate and soothe the mind.  Like you, Lisa, I try to resist the craving as long as I can, but there comes a point of no return, and we do what we, as self-respecting women all over the country do — we give in to it! Laughing  I  think your solution is a practical answer, and an opportunity to have our cake — er, chocolate — and eat it too! Best of luck in your journey! Smile

  • Guest

    I have found the solution, ladies.

    85% cacao chocolate bars from Lindt.

    I can even find them in my local supermarket now.  (and I buy at least 2 a week to make sure they know there's still a demand for them!)

    Takes a bit of getting used to…but it hits the chocolate spot well enough.  (Hint:  If you are following a lowcarb plan and have adjusted your enzymes to low carbs, you'll find it's not nearly as bitter.  You can taste the sweet well enough.)

    Hubby hates it.  Thinks it's disgusting.

    But my sister loves it, and so did my 17 year old niece.

    It's my solution.  I don't have chocolate cravings anymore.  2 squares each night does me nicely.  (as a treat, they're dipped into all-natural, no-sugar-added salted peanut butter!)

    Now if only I could get the caffein addiction under control!

  • Guest

    there are many very good sugar free chocolates made to day because of the splenda 😉


  • Guest

    God loves you .

    As a man, I am merely grateful for chocolate for the ladies. Getting between a lady and chocolate requires more speed and exterity than I can muster.

    HOWEVER, as a child when we made our once-a-summer pilgrimage to yon Dairy Queen, when my father paid the extra cash for the double chocolate dip large cones – the second dip reaching down the cone a bit to hold the ‘tower’ together – I swear I could hear ‘hosannas on high’. And, while slowly devouring the great manna of confections – some called it white ambrosia with dark ambrosia – I am almost certain that I heard my guardian angel say “Can I have just a little lick?” I was a GREEDY child and paid no attention.

    I’m gonna open a DQ in heaven if someone else hasn’t already. Figure to pull in a couple hundred angel blessings a ‘day’ – as ‘days’ go.

    I am sure that two ‘days’ after the Assumption, Mother Mary got things going on a great chocolateria. No need to ‘dose up’, mind you – no need NOT to either.

    Remember, I love you, too

    Reminding that we are all on the same side – His,

    Pristinus Sapienter

    (wljewell @catholicexchange.com or … yahoo.com)

  • Guest

    Thank you, P.S.  I promise to be a steady customer!  Laughing